...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Tom Bombadil, you're a fucking twat.

I went to see Fright Night yesterday. FAILED SO HARD, you guys. I think Colin Farrell and I are now on the path to major, final breakup. The dialogue wasn't funny or clever, the comedic timing was way off (and jesus, you have the Tenth Doctor, the star of In Bruges, and Red Mist all playing major roles, how do you get all three of them to somehow not be hilarious?) there was no plot to speak of and basically everyone was a complete window-licking dullard. Also, Jerry semephored that he was a vampire so hard, that even if you were the kind of person who automatically discounts "oh, he's a vampire" as an explanation for neighbour-based weirdness, you would still think he was a massive creeposaurus.

Also, Colin Farrell's vampire form was this massive fake-head thing that make him look like the kid from Battle Dib. Every time he turned into it, part of me was expecting him to start screaming "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNKKKK!" and beating Jailbait Chekov with an over-sized cotton wool bud. The only bits that raised a smile was whenever Jerry got really badly injured, he would do this weird "epilectic on meth" seizure dance thing.

At least it was only an hour and a half long. Even so, it felt like marathoning all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings back-to-back, except for the bit where Lord of the Rings was entertaining. What a waste of talent - in the time they used filming this piece of shit, Colin Farrell and David Tennant could have made one decent film each. That's two decent films that will never get made now. Red Mist and Jailbait Chekov could probably have made something less epicly retarded.

And yes, this is coming from someone who rates Lost Boys 3: the Thirst as a solid three out of five. Well done, Colin Farrell - you just rated lower than a straight-to-video Corey Feldman movie. You must be so proud.

There was a trailer for this new Hugh Jackman movie that appears to be about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. I do not understand. Tintin looks shit, the Puss in Boots movie looks superfluous, and for some reason Disney is showing the Lion King in 3D and marketing it as "for the first time ever!" Christ, just admit that you've run out of ideas, Disney. Paranormal Whatever 3 looks like an over-long cut of the Bloody Mary episode of Supernatural, and the new Sherlock Holmes movie looks alright.

In other news, I have been catching up on Carnivale - the creepiest thing about Evander Geddes isn't that he suffocates little kids with plaster of paris just so he can take casts of their death agonies - it's that bit where he explains to Ben that his objective is "to capture the soul". Because in Carnivale, that is TOTALLY FEASIBLE. Urgh!

I have been watching the Shield, too - thus far, I rate it "quite good." Possibly I will write more when I know people's names. So far all I know is CCH Pounder, who is in everything. She is a police lady. She does police things. Her partner is kind of a spaz, but is quite good at detectoring. There is a bald man. The bald man is basically in charge. He has three little friends who are like his Crime Army. There's another dude who I think is supposed to be in charge, but everyone hates him and likes the bald man best. The other dude is pretty sour about it. CCH Pounder and her spaz-detecting friend don't seem to care either way - they just like to detect stuff. I don't know. I might be wrong.

I AM ALIVE! If you imagined me saying that in the voice of Sarah from Hocus Pocus, you are exactly right, except I am not wearing quite such a cleavage-enhancing outfit at this moment.

Long story short, back in January, I apparently made God super angry with me and as a result he punished me by giving me a new cuntface of a manager and a hideous Bernard Manning/Sloth/Cave Troll hybrid agent in the same week, and then my laptop broke a little bit but I was already really tense and impatient so I Hulksmashed it into a wall and then it was somewhat more than a little bit broken and by then I had become addicted to freebase crack in order to deal with Cuntrag and Bernard so all my spare money went on that rather than getting a new laptop BUT! Now I have a new manager and a team of mostly-humans and so I have cleaned myself up and YAY INTARNETS!

By the way, some of that last paragraph was totally a lie, but unfortunately the bit about a coworker who resembles the lovechild of Bernard Manning, Sloth and the Cave Troll from the first Lord of the Rings movie is factually accurate. I didn't actually become a junkie, but only because I don't know where to get drugs from.

ANYWAY! Oh my God dudes, I just watched the last season of Heroes and it almost half-way did not suck. I estimate that I was not actively annoyed for at least 60% of the time. Also, Sylar would be fine if he just concentrated on being bitchy instead of trying and failing to be a badass killer dude. Adam Monroe completely needs to be some kind of crime-fightin' lawyer guy with an insane hatred of Quantum Leap. I would totally watch that. Maybe he can joined Major Lorne in the world of "Bones crossovers that are not real but totally should be". I think an Adam Monroe/Hodgins snark-off would make the world a million times better.

Hmm, what else... oh, the Vampire Diaries is pretty lame. Stern Hot History Teacher (formerly known as The Guy From Tigerland That Isn't Colin Farrell) is hot and stern, and Damon is fun in a super low-budget version of Angelus kind of way. Everyone else is retarded though.

I have not seen the Lost Boys 3 yet - I bet it is beautiful though. Nobody tell me different, okay? Also, Colin Farrell is going to be a vampire in a Fright Night remake next year and his enemy is going to be Jailbait Checkov from the new Star Trek movie - that does not seem like a fair fight to me. It's like pitting Micheal Jackson against Darth Vader.

That's pretty much it - as you can all see, I didn't go away and develop any kind of life while I was interwebsless. In fact, I pretty much just watched more TV and movies and thought about what kind of TV and movies I would like to see in the future. In case you were wondering, they still mostly involve Daddy Winchester, Colin Farrell, or werewolves. Or some combination thereof.

Oh, except also now I want a show in which Shatner and Tori Spelling fight crime in space, and The Dave is the main villian. Every episode will either end with Shatner waving his fists in the air and yelling "THE DAAAAAAAVEEEEE!" or a close-up shot of The Dave's evilly shifting eyes with an ominous music track playing in the background. I haven't put any werewolves or Daddy Winchesters in there yet. I don't think Daddy Winchester and The Dave would approve of each other. I just feel it in my soul.

You know, I talk a lot on here about people being the poor man's version of other people, but I don't always mean it as a bad thing. Like, okay, Stellan Skarsgård is totally the poor man's version of Russell Crowe, but what that actually means is that he has traits in common with Russell Crowe, and that's a good thing. It's not as good as actually being Russell Crowe, but it still makes you better than people who aren't Russell Crowe-like at all. Or like how Colby is the poor man's version of Seeley Booth - all that means is that he will eventually evolve into Seeley Booth.* A few more years, a better haircut, and maybe some hugging of puppies and Boothdom is totally achievable.

But then you get these really tragic cases, where someone is trying to be the poor man's version of some other, more awesome person, and they fail and wind up becoming the poor man's version of someone far more losery than their intended idol. Case in point: Angus Sutherland. I just feel so bad for him, because he's trying so hard to be Keifer Sutherland in the original Lost Boys, and instead of being David Mark II, he ends up being Stuart Townsend in Queen of the Damned.

And before anyone gets on my case, yes, I loved the Lost Boys 2, and yes, I do hate Queen of the Damned with all the considerable hate in my soul, but that's not the point of this post. The point is that while Keifer Sutherland was good at being a badass vampire and exchanging long homoerotically-charged looks with Jason Patrick, Angus Sutherland is really only good for the latter. Also, and this is not really his fault but it should be mentioned, Tad Hilgenbrink as Chris Emerson is nothing like as pretty as Jason Patrick as Micheal Emerson.

Of course, if any of you wanted to rush off and find me lots of Shane/Chris porn, I would not be adverse to reading it. In the spirit of scientific enquiry, of course.

I was going to make a list here of things I love and things I hate about the fourth season of Numb3rs, but I don't feel like it any more, so I will just say that we need more falling in water from Colby and less wearing of horrible ties from Charlie.


And now, some random quiz things:

You Are Candy Corn

Your Halloween personality is whimsical, colorful, and creative. You see Halloween as a time to get your creative juices flowing. Each year, Halloween can't start soon enough for you. You tend to go all out for Halloween. You decorate like crazy and always dress up.

What Halloween Treat Are You?

You Are a Werewolf

You are moody and easily provoked. You are highly loyal and protective of those you love. While you can be intense at times, you are generally a laid back person. But if a fight comes your way, you will fight 'til the death if necessary. You seem normal to most people. No one understands how different you can be. It's like a switch flips for you sometimes - and then you're a completely different creature.

Are You a Vampire or a Werewolf?

What Your Cute Monster Says About You

You're the type of person who stands out in a crowd, even when you're trying to blend in. You are honest in your character and appearance. You don't pretend to be someone else. Your inner demon is sorrow. You tend to get depressed easily. People think you're cute because you're rebellious. Your uniqueness is charming.

The Cute Monster Test

*Except for the shooting clowns bit, as we can all agree that Don is far more likely to shoot a clown than anyone else on Numb3rs.

I have decided that from this point on, whenever Lee Adama talks, I'm going to imagine him sounding like GIR from Invader Zim. It's the only way to control my increasing irritation at his almost unbelievable skill at getting on my nerves. I think somebody needs to replace Adama with like, movie!Denethor or Big Daddy Luthor (only as a temporary measure, of course, since it would be a crime against humanity to lose the Pure Awesomeness that is EJO!Adama), just to give Lee an example of what it's really like having an asshole for a father. Plus, it would be absolutely hilarious, next time Lee tries to beat his dad with the Stick of Zakguilt, if Adama just turned round and said he wished Lee had died instead. Absolute fucking smackdown. Man, I would love to see that.

Thief Lord porn! With Princess Bride references, no less. Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does.

Watched Master & Commander this evening; I'd forgotten how much I adore that film, even if it is basically Tom Pullings' wet dream. The jokes, my God, the appalling yet hysterically funny jokes. Stephen being a pissy little bitch. Ickle Midshipman Blakeney, aww! The sealion that says "Argh!" Jack slagging off whalers in front of the head whaler dude. Poor, sad Tom and his unrequited Jacklove. Killick's cantankerous mutterings. Random appearence by a hobbit. And did I mention, the jokes? I thought I was going to die during that last scene; poor Stephen is handling his disappointment remarkably well for someone who is, as previously mentioned, a pissy little bitch, and Jack has to go and make that remark about flightless birds not going anywhere - it's hil-fucking-hairy-house, as we used to say back in college,

My rabbit delights in mocking me. I've been revising all afternoon, and I swear, he was deliberatly stretching and yawning and falling asleep on the sofa next to me just to rub my nose in it. Little grey bastard. He twitches in his sleep, too - no doubt chasing dogs or something.

In other news, I saw Kingdom of Heaven on Thursday... ( Cut for spoilers )

And finally, memes stolen from imbeiaiel:

FILM MEME

1. Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
101, not counting the animated ones because they're in a different wallet and I can't be bothered to go and count them.

2. The last film I bought:
Phantom of the Opera

3. The last film I watched:
Kingdom of Heaven

4. Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
Pump Up the Volume
Heathers
Interview with a Vampire
The Last Unicorn
Watership Down

USERINFO MEME

1. Does my username suit me?

2. Is my journal's title cryptic or descriptive? What do you think it means?

3. Do you think my bio describes me well? If there were no names given would you be able to guess who it was describing?

4. Which of my interests surprises you the least?

5. Which of my interests surprises you the most?

6. Which of my interests needs explaining?

7. Which of my user pics suits me best? Why?

Aaaand that is all.

Whelp, nothing interesting happened today, so it's time for that old fallback plan, Anecdotes of the Family Von Froodle.

Some of you may already know that I suffer from what Ranma 1/2 fans call "Azusa Complex", the desire to name any inanimate objects in my possession. That's why you sometimes hear me talking about the state of Sanzo's hardrive or Yukimura's inability to perform - it just means my computer's being a bitch and my CD player is misbehaving.

So, I've just got back from uni and I'm getting changed and taking all my jewellery off in preparation for cooking dinner. Buzz and I are in my room, discussing the difficulties I'm having running Sims 2 on Sanzo. I jokingly suggest giving him a cigerrette to improve his tember. Buzz suggests naming another piece of hardware Homura, connecting them up and leaving them to "extract data" for a while. I say that I can't do that, because all my hardware has names. I then introduce them all: the scanner is called Hakkai, the printer is Gojyo, the modem is Goku, the two speakers are Merry and Pippin and the subwoofer is Boromir. At which point Buzz glances at the pile of abandoned jewellery sitting on top of the speaker system, snaps "Boromir!" reprovingly, before gathering up my rings and bracelets and moving them to the other side of the desk.

Hmm.

Buzzimina and I went to see Phantom and Lemony Snicket at the cinema today. I was pretty suprised that he'd want to see something like Phantom at all, but the real O_O moment arrived after we left the cinema:

Buzz: So I was thinking...
Froodle (mouth full of brownie): Mmm?
Buzz: Raoul says he fell in love with Christine's song, right?
Froodle: Mmm.
Buzz: But... it was the Phantom who taught her to sing, yeah?
Froodle: Mmm.
Buzz: So, in a way, it's really the Phantom's song that Raoul fell in love with.
Froodle: ......
Buzz: So that means that Raoul is actually in love with the Phantom.
Froodle: *teary eyes of Slashy Sibling pride*

Seriously. I've never been less ashamed to be related to him.

Lemony Snicket was pretty good, but I haven't read the books and there were these fucking irritating kids and their Entitlement Moo sitting right behind us making noise and kicking the backs of our chairs, so I'll leave off reviewing it for another time, except to say that Violet has the most gorgeous costumes, the closing credits are well worth staying to the end for, I'm sure that banker was Pettigrew in Prisoner of Azkaban, and that Klaus is adorable and I want to keep him as a pet.

Speaking of pets, and in keeping with the spirit of this Buzzcentric entry, over Christmas my brothers and I were discussing the cuteness of the ickle ginger bunny in the petstore down the road, and how I wanted to buy it and call it Sharpe and take it back to Leeds with me. The conversation turned to Buzz wanting two guineapigs, and to La Parental Unit saying he couldn't have any more pets. At which point, he turns to his hamster, Bear, and says, with a completely straight face, "Hurry up and die, Bear. I don't like you anymore."

It was truly a Denethor moment of hilarious proportions.

I have a pet lily. He lives in a glass vase and is covered with blue sparkles. I call him Hephestion.

I've decided, what I really need this year is a hobbit. Someone to carry all my shopping, do my cooking and cleaning, sing and dance for my edutainment, and stand around being cute when not otherwise occupied. Not Frodo, though. I can do without listening to him whine on about how he can't do my laundry because his Weathertop wound is hurting, or he can't carry my books because his gold bling is weighing him down. Maybe something in a Pippin...