...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

I went to see Fright Night yesterday. FAILED SO HARD, you guys. I think Colin Farrell and I are now on the path to major, final breakup. The dialogue wasn't funny or clever, the comedic timing was way off (and jesus, you have the Tenth Doctor, the star of In Bruges, and Red Mist all playing major roles, how do you get all three of them to somehow not be hilarious?) there was no plot to speak of and basically everyone was a complete window-licking dullard. Also, Jerry semephored that he was a vampire so hard, that even if you were the kind of person who automatically discounts "oh, he's a vampire" as an explanation for neighbour-based weirdness, you would still think he was a massive creeposaurus.

Also, Colin Farrell's vampire form was this massive fake-head thing that make him look like the kid from Battle Dib. Every time he turned into it, part of me was expecting him to start screaming "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNKKKK!" and beating Jailbait Chekov with an over-sized cotton wool bud. The only bits that raised a smile was whenever Jerry got really badly injured, he would do this weird "epilectic on meth" seizure dance thing.

At least it was only an hour and a half long. Even so, it felt like marathoning all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings back-to-back, except for the bit where Lord of the Rings was entertaining. What a waste of talent - in the time they used filming this piece of shit, Colin Farrell and David Tennant could have made one decent film each. That's two decent films that will never get made now. Red Mist and Jailbait Chekov could probably have made something less epicly retarded.

And yes, this is coming from someone who rates Lost Boys 3: the Thirst as a solid three out of five. Well done, Colin Farrell - you just rated lower than a straight-to-video Corey Feldman movie. You must be so proud.

There was a trailer for this new Hugh Jackman movie that appears to be about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. I do not understand. Tintin looks shit, the Puss in Boots movie looks superfluous, and for some reason Disney is showing the Lion King in 3D and marketing it as "for the first time ever!" Christ, just admit that you've run out of ideas, Disney. Paranormal Whatever 3 looks like an over-long cut of the Bloody Mary episode of Supernatural, and the new Sherlock Holmes movie looks alright.

In other news, I have been catching up on Carnivale - the creepiest thing about Evander Geddes isn't that he suffocates little kids with plaster of paris just so he can take casts of their death agonies - it's that bit where he explains to Ben that his objective is "to capture the soul". Because in Carnivale, that is TOTALLY FEASIBLE. Urgh!

I have been watching the Shield, too - thus far, I rate it "quite good." Possibly I will write more when I know people's names. So far all I know is CCH Pounder, who is in everything. She is a police lady. She does police things. Her partner is kind of a spaz, but is quite good at detectoring. There is a bald man. The bald man is basically in charge. He has three little friends who are like his Crime Army. There's another dude who I think is supposed to be in charge, but everyone hates him and likes the bald man best. The other dude is pretty sour about it. CCH Pounder and her spaz-detecting friend don't seem to care either way - they just like to detect stuff. I don't know. I might be wrong.

OH GOD I love that Peter Pan movie! I mean, I was already aware of this fact since it's shelved on the top lefthand side of my DVD collection, which is where I stack my most-loved stuff for easy acess, but I just watched it again and it's like ALL OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO GET ENOUGH DISTANCE ON THIS FILM SO THAT I CAN WATCH IT AGAIN AND HAVE ALL OF MY LOVE COME FLOODING BACK TO ME!

Jeremy Sumpter is so awesome, you guys. I sometimes totally forget about him because I am too busy admiring the wonderfulness of Jason Isaacs, but he is a fucking amazing actor. That bit right at the end where Hook lets the crocodile eat him, and as he resigns himself to his fate there's a shot of Peter closing his eyes and saluting with his sword, and it is magnificent and wonderful and just so great I have no words!

What happened to Jeremy Sumpter, anyway? I kind of assumed he would go on to be in like eight million things after Peter Pan, but I never saw him again. Has anyone else seen him in something other than Peter Pan? I demand to know why he is not currently improving the quality of the many TV shows I watch by appearing in them and actually portraying emotion and stuff. Shame on you, Jeremy Sumpter, you'd better not be fucking dead or appearing on reality TV or something else hideous and awful!

Also, I saw the trailer for the new Sherlock Holmes movie, and apart from inexplicable Rocky Horror!Downey Junior, it looked pretty good. I normally want to kill Jude Law, but RDJ has this weird super-power where he makes normally unbearable people slightly tolerable by his presence - see also Gweneth Paltrow in the Iron Man movies.

One more thing that I completely love that has nothing to do with the rest of this post - that bit in Twin Peaks where those Swedish dudes come to stay at the Great Northern and they make loads of noise and wake Cooper up, and he's super pissy and ranting into his little dictaphone thing to Diane about it and after he asks for her to send him earplugs, he's like "I didn't expect to need them on this trip, but as you can hear..." and he holds the recorder up in complete silence for a few seconds to record the noise and then he clicks it off in this really definitive, "so there!" kind of way, and all the way through the scene he has this AWESOMELY grumpy face on him and it's BRILLIANT.

I just wanted to share that with you all. I love Agent Cooper's grumpy face. One day I hope my grumpy face can reach such heights of grumpiness. It is unlikely, but still something to strive for.

Is LJ doing anyone else's head in? Every time I try to log in or view a page, it takes like eleventy-billion years to load, if it loads at all.

There needs to be a t-shirt that says "the only straight I do is straight-up bitch". I feel a bit annoyed with the intarwebs for not having produced such a thing already. Stop sucking, intarwebs!

It rained ALL DAY today, so I stayed inside and made chocolate and pecan cookies and watched Eerie Indiana (the ultimate rainy day viewing) then about four o'clock the sun finally showed it's face so I grabbed my shoes and went out. It was absolutely gorgeous, I walked on the headland and there were baby rabbits and baby lambs, and there was this one twenty-metre stretch that was just covered in bluebells - I could hardly see the grass, it was just a carpet of this gorgeous purple-blue colour - and the late afternoon sun was low over the sea and so the waves were golden, and there was a bit of a breeze so it blew little flecks of salt into the air and I could taste it as I walked. It was amazing!

Then I came back and watched the Guy Richie Sherlock Holmes movie, and my mum just yelled that only three of the cookies are left and I haven't had any yet so I'm going down to lay claim to them now, so goodnight!

Rocknrolla, you guys. Go and watch it, or I will be forced to conclude that my FList is made up of dames and homos. And we don't want that.

In other news, how much are werewolves the unloved red-headed stepchildren of the Halloween merchandising world? So far this year I have only seen one werewolf-themed Halloween thingie, and it was this stupid walking doll in ASDA with a stupid face that was stupid. And there's about eighty thousand different pumpkin dolls and lanterns and tea-light holders and everything else - I mean, seriously, how many pumpkins do we need? I've put a moratorium on any further pumpkin-related purchases this year in protest. Less pumpkins, more werewolves! Also more cats, haunted houses, spooky trees and ghosts. I think there's probably enough skull-themed stuff around aswell. There could be more witchy stuff, but witches are usually lame, so unless there's a sudden leap in the awesomeness of witch merchandise, I am ambivilent.

But seriously, let's have some respect for werewolves. They are as much a part of Halloween as cats or ghosts or any other imaginary creatures! This is what happens when you let pansies like James Spader and Pacey play them on TV - people lose all regard for their bitey awesomeness. You can bet if Idris Elba was a werewolf, he would teach you all some manners and allow me to get posters with his cool face on.

On what would once have been an Idris Elba-related note (SOB!) the fifth season of the Wire arrived today, yay! I am not watching it though, as the Tribe has once again sucked me into a swirling vortex of bright colours and dodgy acting, and I fear going from the cheesetastic joy of the Tribe to the ghettolicious world of the Wire without some kind of transitional period to adjust from "camp but kind of homoerotic" to "so awesome it does not need to rely on hot man-on-man action to hold my attention" would have a devastating effect on my fragile psyche. And yes, you did read that right, the Wire is so great I don't even need to supplement it with porn. In fact, I have no desire for Wireporn at all.

...but if you want to send me pictures of Stringer looking hot and stern, that would be okay.

Busy, busy weekend; had dinner with Alan and Jess on Friday, and oh my God Blip and Bramble have had babies and they are just the cutest little things ever. They're small enough to sit in the palm of your hand and they're all different colours and already have their own personalities and oh my God, if they don't let me have one I'm just going to cry! We watched Most Haunted and ate chilli and made fun of the Scouse dude for dressing like a used car salesman and then Honey sat on my shoulder while we watched Ghostbusters and marvelled at the concept of Sigourney Weaver as a sex symbol. It's crazy!

Dinner with Genevieve on Saturday, with significantly less cute baby bunnies and far more cute David Tennant as Doctor Who. I still think he's kinda pretty to be the Doctor, but whatever, because he's cute and Zoë Wanamaker was in it and she's awesome even if I do feel bitter every time I see her now because Goddamnit, she should have been Ida. Not that there was anything wrong with Caroline Goodall's performance, but when I have an image of a character fixed in my head, it's hard to let it go.

My advice for today is thus; do not attempt to watch Escaflowne in conjunction with any film directed by Guy Ritchie, especially Snatch. You'll just end up feeling like an asshole when the Dragonslayers die and all you can hear is Jason Statham saying "your life doesn't flash before your eyes 'cause you're too fuckin' scared to think - you just freeze and pull a stupid face", and then you can't help laughing at that one Dragonslayer with blood pouring out of his mouth so that it looks like he's missing his front teeth, hillbilly-style.

My throat hurts. I think I'm starting with a cold. This displeases me.

Went to see Layer Cake with Anne-Marie yesterday; not as funny as the Guy Richie films by which it was clearly inspired (and had almost the exact same cast, too, except for Jason Statham, who Jonathan informs me is now "a proper actor who gets to be in actual American films") and while the level of violence is about the same, it's much more serious than the shoot-outs and boxing matches of the Lock, Stock universe. Couldn't help wincing during the scene with the teapot in the cafe.

Anyway, it was very good and has an amusing ending that I completely didn't see coming. Not sure that I'd actually buy it on DVD, but a fine way to pass the time.

Had a two-hour dissertation lecture today - the girl sitting next to me had RANCIDLY bad breath. Brush your teeth, damnit!

Still watching Kenshin: Poor Katsu. Felt so sorry for him during that scene where he's all, "I'll tend your wounds, Sanosuke!" and Sano starts muttering Kenshin's name, and Katsu's like, *heartbreak face*. Of course, I'm biased, since I'm a sucker for Captain Sagara, and I always get weepy over the Sekihoutai storylines.

Am forced to conceed that yes, the guy that does the voice for Chou the Swordhunter is indeed the same guy who voiced the Digimon Emperor. Actually he pops up quite a lot in Kenshin, as Sano's friend with the floopy fringe and smily eyes as well as various minor characters.

What exactly is the point of Iwambo? He's just a big fat stupid pink guy. Why is he one of the Juppongatana? Is Shishio on some kind of political correctness kick where he has to have a representative of big fat stupid pink guys? This annoys me.

On a more positive note: Sejiro Hiko! Squee! Excuse me while I fangirl shamelessly. I love his scenes with Kenshin; the abortive hug scene, the handing on of the white cape, the reminiscing about Kenshin wetting the bed, the scenes where he's all superdeformed and floating on a little cloud while Kenshin sulks in the background, and the scene where Kenshin goes on about there being something wrong with his master's personality.

And of course: "To live without any of those annoying social obligations, the life of an artist is ideal. And a true genius like me can accomplish anything he sets his mind to."

Siiiigh... they just don't come any cooler than him.

'Young Sherlock Holmes' is, uh, dreadful. There's no nice way to say it. Mind you, what else can we expect from Steven 'Twatface' Spielberg? I should have known, really.

More disturbing is the fact that Holmes (I was gonna write 'Little Sherlock', but realised in time how wrong it would sound) is played by Nicholas Rowe. Remember him? No?

He's the guy who gets his toes shot off in 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'.

Great. Holmes grew up to be a dress-wearing, weed-smoking hippy.

Slightly less disturbing is the discovery that the name of the guy who plays Hatchet Harry is "P.H. Moriarty".

Eventually, I will learn my lesson and stop watching Sherlock Holmes films. It only ends in tears. Of laughter.

Slightly beside the point, I really, really want an Angel puppet. I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one, either.

Saw an episode of Big Wolf on Campus that I hadn't seen before tonight: Clipshow: Kiss of Death. Though, considering Death was played by Victor Pearson of Black Hole High fame, I would have been extremely disturbed if any kissing had, in fact, been involved. Poor Merton, he's everyone's bitch.