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Visited William yesterday. It was... I don't have the words. The prison staff at the visitor centre are all very nice, very kind, clearly used to seeing shellshocked people slapping on huge smiles for their incarcerated loved ones and shuffling through series of locking metal doors. The waiting room was rammed, the visiting hall was rammed, the roar of 24 different conversations was deafening. Will seemed... better? Sober but kinda forcibly manic, which is probably because he was also painting a smile on his soul. We laughed and joked and hugged and then Mike and I went home and crawled into bed and he held me while I cried. At least we had that.

I sent him my first letter on Friday. Apparently there's a new drug that you can print directly onto paper from a home printer (i may be misunderstanding that) so when you send letters they get photocopied and the prisoner gets the copy, not the original. I'm glad I didn't buy a bunch of postcards/greeting cards this time around. I wonder if they get copies of the envelopes... I deliberately picked some cool looking stamps but I guess they could also be drugstamps.

There's a new service now where you can email prisoners and it gets printed out their end and handed out at mailcall. I'm gonna try that.
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A water main just burst up the road. Wow. Points for empathic environment, I guess?
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That was horrible.

No application for bail.

A straight up guilty plea and straight to sentencing on June 3rd.

The judge wanted a social enquiry report.

Because of his previous conviction we can't submit any supporting statements that speak to his good character because legally speaking he doesn't *have* good character and it can lead to the judge throwing the whole statement out.

We had Deputy High Bailiff Gough doing the court diary and I thought that was okay, but he's gonna be tried by Deemster Montgomery who is a fucking piece of shit. This is the judge who gave a seventeen year old with an amount cannabis that was too small to weigh a custodial sentence and he gave William six years for cannabis plants, but when it came to sentence a guy with so many child.porn images on his computer that we had to borrow police from the mainland to help process it all as the IoM police didn't have the manpower he only have him eight years, like cannabis is 3/4th as bad as a department-overwhelming amount of child.porn, so fuck that guy FOREVER

I had the morning off and thought I would be okay to come home, have a cry and go back to work in the afternoon but my brain is in fucking pieces so I called in.

His advocate said with the weight they found he's looking at 14 years as a starting point, with a third doctor the initial guilty plea, but that's the lowest end of the sentence and she thinks it'll be higher.

He's already gone under treatment at the methadone clinic but it's so early in his treatment i guess the doses are quite high? Because he looked like he was high. He was bolshy and full of.bluster at the judge and I wanted to say, william,stop it, it won't help, but also i don't know what would help, if anything.

It's all gone so wrong. I cant wrap my head around it. My chest hurts, literally hurts and I feel like I can't breathe. My parents were.talking to me and I couldn't take it in, I felt like I was hearing them underwater. I asked Hayley to tell me about their new dog but I don't know if she did and now I can't remember if I really asked her or just thought about it.

I don't understand what's happened. I keep trying to fix it in my head and it slips out of my mind, like I'm grabbing at fish in a stream.

I don't understand. I thought I was smart, or smarter than this, but I don't understand. I don't understand anything.
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Williams arraignment is today. Ten oclock. I feel like throwing up.
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Grrr

Mar. 4th, 2019 10:08 pm
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I am losing my fucking shit with work. Our department works on a three part rota, where each week the three of us take a different third of the workload. The third guy is consistently not pulling his weight and as I come after him in the rotation, every week I'm cleaning up his fucking messes.

Last week he was on the work section that involves assigning the field work to a bunch of our employees in the channel islands. Because it involves route mapping, arranging access, and driving on tiny islands where the roads are a bit of a nightmare, they get their work first thing in the morning for the following day. He knows this and yet last week they weren't getting their work on time and were having to call in for it in the late afternoon.

Last week our supervisor went to the channel islands to meet them face to face, get a feel for now they work and the issues facing them. One of the things they brought up was this issue where their work isn't being allocated to them in a way that lets them plan their working day.

This morning out supervisor comes in and pulls me aside and tells me that One of their "little niggles" is that sometimes I'm emailing them first thing in the morning with their work, which is great, but then sometimes they don't get it for days at a time.

Yeah, guess why? Because on the weeks I'm on that section, I fucking do it, and in the weeks he is,he fucking doesn't. Don't fucking come to me like this is my fucking job to fix, check your fucking rota, identify the fucking issue and talk to the person not holding up his end! Don't come to me because I'm on it this week, go to the person who was on it the week it fucked up!

So I'm like, "it sits with the person who's on Billing for the week, we send an email out to the engineers to let them know what's allocated and when, and a copy of the email goes to the department inbox, would you like to be copied in on that in the future?"

And of course he fucked up a bunch of the Guernsey work orders last week so today I'm expecting to have a load of completed work from Friday to process and it's not there, because the guy who was supposed to be doing it on Friday only got it this morning, not last Thursday like he should have done.

And she's like, "well don't worry, you're not in trouble"

And inside I'm like, well one, of course I'm not in fucking "trouble" because I'm not a seven year old who just stole a classmates fucking Barbie, I'm a grownass woman in a supposedly grownup job!

And aloud i was like, "well there's no reason I would be, because I had nothing to do with it" and she just goes all quiet and doesn't say anything, and doesn't bother apologising to me or correcting him on his fuckups, although apparently it's fine to blame me for them in front of the whole office

I was already starting to let go of the rope on this shit, but as of now, fuck this, I'm dropping this whole mess back in her lap, his lap, and the lap of the Manager Who Would Not Manage and whose ouroboros of asslicking with the Third Wheel is what's let him get away with it so far.

from now on, everything goes back to these cunts. Everything. He lets customer queries sit unanswered for a week til i take over the admin tasks? "Hey guys, there's unanswered emails from last week, can I have some help please?" He fucks over the engineers calendars and messed up their workload? "Hey guys, these jobs weren't assigned on time,can you speak to the Service department and borrow some warm bodies to make it up?" He doesn't process a load of the homemove and landlord requests? "Hey guys,a bunch of these haven't been done, are we waiting on additional information?"

Like, fine, you can try and pin his shitty work on me, but you'll just get a timestamped email trail throwing it back. If I'm gonna get the blame for it you can be sure I'll be correcting the "misunderstanding" clearly and loudly every fucking time.

We have hard deadlines at the end of each calendar month. I'm on holiday the last week in March, when I'm rota'd to be back on Billing. He's on it the week before, and that means they'll hit month end with all of his fuckups and nobody immediately on deck to clean it. I can't make that stupid cunt work, I can't make that asshat manage, but I can ensure they spend their weekend frantically trying to make good before the MD asks why he doesn't have his first quarter figures.

FUCK. YOU. ALL.
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Me: Get Thee Behind Me, Bubba Moon is really fucking unnerving and it makes me unsettled and jittery no matter how many times I read it

Also me: Mike's away for four days, Get Thee Behind Me Bubba Moon is the perfect falling asleep audio book choice

Tesco Man: knock knock, it's me, the guy who brings you groceries every week

Me: AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
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Picture the scene: office, first thing in the morning

My supervisor, a woman: [Froodle], thing (A) has happened. Manager wants you to do (B).

Me, likewise a woman: Cool. Just so I'm clear, I'm gonna do (B) in (C) way and rank it (D) priority with the rest of my work, does that work for you?

Supervisor: Yep, that'll be great, thanks.

Me: Sweet. *gets started on the days work using the priority we just agreed and the method we just discussed*

Supervisor: *goes over to another employee she supervises, an older man whose work doesn't intersect with mine, to discuss his workload for the day*

OM: Chirp. Chirpchirpchirp.

Me: *already started working, not paying attention to this bellend chirping since he's not my supervisor, doesn't do the same job as me, won't be the one who has to implement what my manager and supervisor just told me they want and I also literally just discussed what I'm doing and how with my actual, real boss*

OM: *calls my name repeatedly* Chirp! Chirpchirpchirp!

Me: *pulling myself out of my concentration zone* Sorry, what?

OM: Well when you're doing (B) you should do it in (E thru F) way

Me, internally: Is this cunt fucking serious right now?!

Me, aloud: Well, if you genuinely think that's a good idea, you're very welcome to bring it up with (manager)

OM: ......

Me, internally: that's what I thought, you fucking cocksnot

Me: *goes back to work*

OM: *mutters resentfully* Well, I've been put in my place. That's the last time I'll try to contribute.

Contribute what, you absolute jebend?! An interruption I didn't want to get advice I didn't need from a man I didn't ask? You sit across the aisle from me, you were right there when Supervisor passed Manager's message on to me, when I clarified what I was doing and how they wanted it done. You just thought you getting to flap your fucking cavernous noisehole was more important than me getting to crack on with my job.

Fucking jog the fuck on you utter fucking fuckstick. If you genuinely thought your idea was a good one, you really would have brought it to Manager, but you didn't, you want to put your two penn'orth in and make me your audience.

And then he spent the entire fucking day sulking and pouting and passive aggressively stating that he's not allowed to offer an opinion and basically acting like he's the subject of that Ursula Vernon poem This Vote is Legally Bindng

And yeah I just went and looked up the link for that poem because tomorrow I'm going to print it off and put it on my corkboard.
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New-ish to the team supervisor: So what have you and Jenna been working on?

Me: well, I've done all of (priority 1) job, jennas done all of (priority 2) job, we've both been dipping in and out of the communal inbox so our customer and internal queries aren't clear but it's managable, I did (parts 1 and 3 of (priority 4) job and she's done part two, we can't do (P5) because the subsystem is down for an upgrade, she did the e-queries, she's done her meter reader comments, I haven't done mine, the manual work assignment for tomorrow is ready but we haven't processed the stuff the boys brought us back this morning, and neither of us have touched the feedback cards at all this week so we were gonna blitz that tomorrow morning.

NTTTS: Wow! You two are really on top of everything. Every time I think to do something, you've already done it. You just crack on and work, huh?

I didn't say it, but like... jesus, isn't this just what working is? Like for fucks sake, if we had more fucking normal employees you wouldn't think supervising was just handholding bellends through tempertantrums and watching them outsource their brains to the handful of people that don't act like fucking stupid cunts.

I get it was meant nicely but fuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkk mmeeeeeeeee did it ever emphasise how bloody dysfunctional that place is.
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There's a thread on fandom secrets talking about shipnames and someone brought up Digimon and now I'm sad that I'm no longer living in like... 2001, the glorious age of daiken. Also since we got absolutely fuck all 02 kids rep in Tri, I'd just like to say i hope they made it as a couple and that davis is awesome and a criminally under rated goggle boy. *waves little ken/davis flag*
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"Lieutenant Ford? It's me, your best friend Rodney McKay"

Oh god, he's literally me when I talk to the ravens.
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So if Teyla has heard of runners but thought it was just a myth, it's obviously not that common a thing and presumably not something all or even a majority of wraith are in to. Are they like the equivalent of humans who fox hunt, like they're the Jacob reese moog of wraith society and the other wraith are looking at them like "the state of this clueless fucking melt, jesus" and cringing with contact embarrassment?
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Lol Sheppard judging Rodney for crushing go on the Aurora!Wright's attractive vr avatar. That's gonna come off as really hypocritical in a couple more seasons.
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Mike just declared that Rodney looks like a chubby version of Nathan Fillion. I... do not see that. Is it just me?
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One of the many things that are great about Stargate Atlantis is the small but enthusiastic section of the fandom that really, really wants to get rawed by Acastus Kolya and will never hesitate to shout about it. I'm all about Sheppard/Todd myself but I just love that they're out there pushing that particular envelope. if we were all at a party together I'd give them the double thumbs up as I walked by their table.
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A few months back my job introduced this "rant and rave" thing, a customer satisfaction/feedback tool. It rolled out to all the admin staff and we have to be logged into it all day, every day, even those of us in primarily back office roles, and so far i have a grand total of one response on it because, hey, it's a back office role. Anyway, it's stupid but whatever.

Last week a couple of the managers went to a big presentation done by the third party company that runs rant and rave for us. They come back, oh we're getting an upgrade, it'll roll out this week.

Fine. Whatever. It's still a waste to have it for your back office staff, but it's a shiny new toy with exciting new buzzwords so we may as well go along with it until the next new thing comes along and the MD gets hot and bothered for that instead.

Except now, we all need to submit an avatar that will represent us on the new system and it can't roll out until we have everyone's avatar.

Nah. Off you fuck. There is no third party software in the fucking world that doesn't work until all staff members submit an icon, because that would fail to account for people on holiday or off sick or on long term absences like maternity, and also because that would be FUCKING STUPID.

And now suddenly there's a big rush on to take a photo of yourself, run it through a little emoticonifying app and submit it to this company, that btw is not the company we work for and has no reason to need our photographs, but that specifically is what the icon has to be. A cartoonified version of you, based off a photograph, using this app that isnt made by our company, and isn't made by rant and rave.

HMMMM.

Me: "I don't have a smart phone. My phone doesn't have a camera function and my Kindle does but it doesn't have its own internet connection. I can't upload a photo and mess with an app using it."

ASSISTANT SUPERVISOR: you can use my phone.

ME: I'm not comfortable having my picture on another person's phone. It's not a work phone, you have no reason to have my image on your personal phone.

AS: you can use your kindle and connect to the work wifi

Me: I'm not comfortable connecting my personal devices or transmitting my image over the company wifi and I also don't want to use a third party app on my Kindle without independently checking it out

AS: well, maybe you can take it at home on your own Wi-Fi and send it in?

Me: I thought it had to be in asap or the new roll out wouldn't go live? I won't be home til tonight so you won't get it til tomorrow. And I'm not convinced that app is compatible with the kindle fire

As: you could go home at lunch?

ME: I have an appointment. Also, I'm not comfortable giving my image to a third party company. Why do they need it and what safeguards have they put in place to make sure this isn't accessible to unrelated people?

As: well they wouldnt.

ME: this company has actually put us at risk before by putting staff photos on display along with our names. The direct debits temp with the knife? What's in place to stop that happening again?

As: well...

ME: I'm not convinced this is necessary.

AS: well, (manager) has asked for this

ME: what alternatives are there to having a company i don't work for and don't have a contract with having access to my image and displaying it on their software?

As: well...

ME, at this stage losing patience: look, I don't mean to be difficult, but you get one single stalker and you get a lot more fussy about your personal info. I'm not willing to give them a photo, so what are the alternatives?

Supervisor, hanging up her phone: (froodle)? (Manager) says he just needs an image. It doesn't have to be a photo of you, it can be an animal or a landscape off the internet.

ME: oh, okay.

Me, via email: hi (manager), here s a picture of Moominpapa in a row boat, I'd like to use this as my avatars for rant and rave.

Manager: recieved, thanks.

I mean. Come on you grabby, grabby cunts. Stop demanding personal invasive shit just because you think you can. And for the love of God NEVER EVER PRETEND YOU JUST BOUGHT SOFTWARE THAT DOESN'T WORK UNTIL EVERYONE UPLOADS A CARTOON VERSION OF THEIR FACE!!I

I was legit about to go to HR and set an end date if they pushed back on this. It's straight up my hill to die on - nobody gets my details without a bloody good reason. One stalker because British Gas makes you give a last name on your phone calls and one knife wielding temp threatening to use our shitty "glass walls" + Facebook to id whoever mentioned his criminal history is MORE than enough to make a person careful.
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Also I'm very pleased that there is teyla/sora fic out there.
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