...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Oh dudes, I am watching the Buffy movie for the first time in like, ten years (seriously, the last time I watched it I still lived at home and it was on TV) and it's so random and campy and beautiful and it's totally making me want to watch the TV series again even though I just watched all of it* like a month ago. Like when they're interviewing kids at the end and that one guy is all, "They had fangs and they were biting people and their eyes were totally dead - I think they were Young Republicans" and that part where Buffy steals the dude's bike and he's like, "Skank! You're a dyke! I'm going to tell the world!" or the fact that her friends are totally Heathers and the one guy who is still dying even after the end credits and it's so beautiful.

Also, this massive spider just ran across my floor and I was so busy giggling about the Buffy movie that I dropped a book on it before I even had a chance to freak out. Yes, it is that good!

Also I watched Interview with the Vampire today and oh my God, how much is the making of Claudia like, the vampire equivilent of deliberately getting knocked up in order to trap a dude into a relationship? She's like a three foot high walking piece of emotional blackmail. Andandand that bit where she tells Louis that she wants to leave and he's all whiny and like, "No that will never happen MY LIFE IS MISERY AND DESPAIR!" and she makes this awesome "get over yourself" face that makes me laugh and which is made even funnier by the fact that she's like seven years old, and that bit where she tells Lestat she has a present for him and he's all, "Then I hope it's a hot babe with boobies which you will never have!" and I'm like OH TOTAL BURN because nothing is worse than the "you'll never be a wo/man!" burn (see also: Kenny from Highlander or Peter Pan in that awesome movie where Jason Isaacs was Hook).

ALSO! Snithy, you should totally have let me show you Bully this weekend - it had male strippers, but they were young and sleek and, if not actually attractive, at least not eye-gougingly hideous and Clivelike. Also, naked Nick Stahl! Being naked and totally mean and punching people for no good reason! Nick Stahl is surely one of the most under-rated beautiful men of our time.

Then again, Bully was actually good so you probably would have had an allergic reaction to it seeing as you only like things that suck in the not-good way, Mrs "Carnivale and OUATIM and the 4400 are crap oh wait let me watch two seasons of the Lair and give us both brain damage!"

Man, you know that fuckwad who created Kidulthood, and all those other even bigger fuckwads who went on about how great it was, when in fact it was a shitty movie about a bunch of dumbass chavs doing dumbass chav things and not getting sterilized and/or shot down like rabid dogs which is really what needed to happen, both in the film and in real life? It would be so great if Larry Clark could give those people lessons in how to make movies about young people that are dark and true and also don't totally fucking suck.

*And by "all of it", what I actually mean is "the first three seasons because I try to pretend everything after Graduation Day didn't happen."

God, there are some right divs at the House of Gas. The fire alarm went off today and, I kid you not, our fire warden stood there in the middle of the corridor, blocking the way, bleating about whether or not we knew where the assembly point for our call centre was in the event of a fire. I was like, "Hmm, is it perchance outside of the burning building?" How do these people make it to adulthood? Fuckwad.

Anyway, some important points to note:

• The Wolverine movie is beautiful. It's a bit soap-opera-ish with the evil long lost brother thing and of course it has Gambit in (boo!) but really, this is about Hugh Jackman wearing leather and lots of hairspray, and a flimsy excuse for a plot strung together wuth awesomely choreographed fight scenes.
  
  
• Hairspray has a bit wrecked the earlier X-Men movies for me. Well, not X3, that one came pre-wrecked. But now I cannot look at Cyclops without seeing Corny Collins and wanting him to dance and sing and be massively inappropriate on a daytime kids TV show. And then I feel sad when it doesn't happen.
  
  
• If the Wolverine movie is beautiful, then Coraline is even more beautiful. I cannot describe the wonder. Go watch!
  
  
• I love the movie version of Interview with the Vampire. I sometimes forget how much I love it because I'm a bit shallow and there's nobody I really think is hot in there,* and also nowadays it's a bit tainted from the combined batshittery of Tom Cruise and Anne Rice, but I was watching it on Sunday and as soon as I heard those first few bars in the opening sequence, all my love for it came rushing back.
  
  
• The first half of the fourth season of Supernatural is semi-awesome. That's not the same as being full-on good, by the way. It's like, a bit good. There's a lifesized walking, talking, suicidal teddy bear (awesome), a stubbly angel who's a bit gay for Dean (awesome), an episode which is basically Supernatural does the Universal Studios Monster Mash (awesome to the power of a sideways eight thing) and BUNNY! Unfortunately, there's also creepy Padaleckisex, the stubbly angel isn't as stubbly or as overtly gay for Dean as I feel he could be, and Bunny is really mean. To like, everyone. Oh Bunny, how have we come to this? Also, there were these totally mean witches who tried to ruin Halloween for everyone. Boo, mean witches! You're lucky it was only Sam and Dean that showed up to punish you with guns. If Jack Skellington had been there, then you'd be sorry.
  
  
• I had better have pig flu! I feel like shit and the only thing keeping me from curling up and dying in misery is the thought that I am actively spreading a contagion that will wipe out billions of humans. If this turns out just to be a bad cold, I will be pissed.
  
  
• The Assassination of Jesse James is soooooooo booooring. Casey Affleck may be mildly less hideous than his sibling, but they are both gaping voids in the fabric of the universe, into which any semblence of talent or charisma is dragged, screaming, into the darkness, ne'er to return. Also, it is so badly directed, they have to have some random narrate what's going on in every scene.

Anyway, I think that's all the important life lessons I learnt this week - I trust you will all take them on board and be enriched by my wisdom. I'm going to watch the Wire and bemoan Bunny's fall from grace. Oh Bunny!

*Okay, it has Christian Slater, but he's in it for like ten minutes, and althoughg Antonio Banderas is normally hot, let's face it, white base and a Morticia Addams wig are not a good look for him.

The most awesome thing about Easter is the after-Easter sale on all kinds of delicious chocolatey items. I did indeed get my rum truffles, and some snacks for Thlayli and co., before returning home for a marvellously vampire-themed moviefest: Blade Trinity, Dracula 2001, the Lost Boys, Interview with the Vampire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and oh, the delicious irony of Donald Sutherland being a Watcher and Keifer Sutherland being, well, David) and of course, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Because everything's better with ninjas.

Of course, nobody can see that much religious iconography in one day without some consequences, and so I give you another installment of...



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I don't normally talk about serious things in this journal, owing to the fact that I'm not a very serious person and also because I believe the internet is for porn, but occaisonally something will rile me to the point where I have to speak up.

I am sick and tired of hearing pretentious fuckwits whine about the great evil that is Christianity. You're not being oppressed when I go to mass. Lighting a candle for the dead does not mean I am some right-wing anti-abortionist lunatic, or that I have been brainwashed by Vatican propaganda. How dare you make assumptions about my intelligance or political allegiance or in fact, any other aspect of my life based on something that is none of your fucking business in the first place? It's so wonderful that you're secure enough in your own belief system that you feel entitled to make snide remarks about other peoples. I'm not making you attend with me, I'm not asking you to pay lip-service to the things that I believe, I'm not trying to convert you, and frankly, if that's how you're going to act then I wouldn't want you on my side anyway. What I believe is not up for debate, and spouting anti-Christian rhetoric at me in a loud voice is not debate to begin with.

Those people with the signs get on my nerves, yes, but so do Big Issue sellers and Amnesty International members and buskers and anybody else who interferes with me getting in and out of town with as little human interaction as possible. But the ones that really annoy me are mother-fucking hecklers who verbally attack these people. Nobody cares about their religious views, and guess what? Nobody cares about yours, either. Stop trying to impress your worthless friends with how "OMGALTERNATIVE" you are, and grow the fuck up. And the next time you want to talk to me about my faith?

Fuck yourself, and don't act entitled to answers.

My rabbit delights in mocking me. I've been revising all afternoon, and I swear, he was deliberatly stretching and yawning and falling asleep on the sofa next to me just to rub my nose in it. Little grey bastard. He twitches in his sleep, too - no doubt chasing dogs or something.

In other news, I saw Kingdom of Heaven on Thursday... ( Cut for spoilers )

And finally, memes stolen from imbeiaiel:

FILM MEME

1. Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
101, not counting the animated ones because they're in a different wallet and I can't be bothered to go and count them.

2. The last film I bought:
Phantom of the Opera

3. The last film I watched:
Kingdom of Heaven

4. Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
Pump Up the Volume
Heathers
Interview with a Vampire
The Last Unicorn
Watership Down

USERINFO MEME

1. Does my username suit me?

2. Is my journal's title cryptic or descriptive? What do you think it means?

3. Do you think my bio describes me well? If there were no names given would you be able to guess who it was describing?

4. Which of my interests surprises you the least?

5. Which of my interests surprises you the most?

6. Which of my interests needs explaining?

7. Which of my user pics suits me best? Why?

Aaaand that is all.

Movie Meme

The rules

-- Pick one dozen movies that are ones that you have special feelings about.
-- Pick a few lines of dialogue.
-- As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
-- After the film is guessed, explain why that movie made the list.
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Well, that wasn't so bad.

Managed to cook a full roast beef dinner without poisoning anyone. Fucked up a bit when I forgot Jess didn't drink red wine, and the beef was kinda crunchy on the outside, but they were very sweet and pretended it was a coating I'd put on.

James was being annoying and diet-having, and refused to eat chocolate and raspberry tart that I painstakingly bought from Tescos. Was forced to mock him with it's delicious chocolatey goodness. But not too much, because he did bring a pirate copy of Spiderman 2 for us to watch.

Thoughts on Spiderman 2:

Kirsten Dunst has not made a decent film since Interview with the Vampire in 1994. Thus she should be shot and killed.

Octavius = sex.

Tobey Maguire is still a prick.

Harry is very pretty.

Doctor Connors! Wonder if we'll be seeing his crocodile-self in later movie.

However, since next film will be Spiderman vs Harry!Goblin, shall not be going to see it due to hatred of the Green Goblin. Grr.

The slap scene! Ha! Harry thinks he's Pietro from X-Men: Evolution.

The scene with bondage!Spiderman and Harry and the couch and the fire... all so hilarious and delightfully inappropriate.

Did I mention Octavius = sex?