...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

DUDES! Sylar's real dad is Daddy Luthor? On the one hand: AWESOME, because a day without John Glover is like a day without beautiful unicorns made from cake, but on the other hand, this makes Sylar's frequent lameitude even more annoying - you'd think with BDL floating around in his gene pool, he'd manage to be a bit more badass than he usually is.

Oh, and speaking of how much Sylar fails, did anyone else want to slap him when he went off on one at Radioactive Boy over how he'd used Sylar as a way to get out of town? Seriously Sylar, get over yourself. You're getting a strop on about the fact that a sixteen year old boy used you for his own selfish ends without considering your feelings first? Are you in fact a grown man or a highschool girl with a broken heart? Write it in glitter-ink in your fucking locked diary and put some sparkly stickers around it, you twinkie.

Also, I kind of figured that Rebel would turn out to be Micah, but I was secretly hoping Heroes would go down an ATM with a Heart of Gold-type route and Not-Niki would end up being stalked by a bowtie-wearing robot named Mister Wilson who makes her sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" for hours on end until beautiful Nathan saves her beautifully with his beauty.

Man, Nathan is so pretty.

So, is it just me or is the entire plot of Numb3rs pretty much "everyone wants to molest Charlie"? Seriously dudes, I have even broken it down into list form and the evidence is clear.

-You've got the Core Charlie Molesters, aka Amita, Colby and Don. It's actually canon that they want to molest Charlie, so I'm not going to bother talking about them today.
-David probably wants to molest Charlie, but Alimi Ballard seems incapable of portraying any emotion other than "amused condescension", so it's hard to tell*.
-Milly really wants to molest Papa Eppes, but I bet if she had the chance to indulge in naughty Charlie-touching, she would.
-Megan wants to, but she's smart emough to realise that Don would cut her like a bitch, so she wouldn't go through with it.
-Ditto The Bunk. He would think about it, and smoke some cigars.
-Larry is busy being distracted by the cosmos and Megan, so he has no time for Charlie-molestin'. He's the exception that proves the rule.
-Big Daddy Luthor wants to, but Charlie spent that whole episode sulking because for once, he wasn't the one with the most magnificent hair on the show, so it would never work between them.
-Russ Brennan definately wanted to, but he caught fire, so that's that.
-Lou Diamond Phillips pretends he's teaching Charlie about shooting, but really it's an excuse to touch him up on the gun range.
-Oswald Kitner hasn't realised his own Charlie-molestering desires yet, but he's probably not over the suprise of getting shot at and recruited into the Sooper Sekrit FBI Baseball Doping Detection Team. Give him time.
-Vicky Nelson for sure wanted to. She's all, "Oh Professor Eppes, let's talk about stupid car crashes and shit while I flick my hair attractively!" Then she had to go fight evil in Toronto, so that was that.
-Lady Lawyers usually prefer molestin' Don. It must be a secret rule that Alpha Male FBI Agents and Lady Lawyers are attracted to each other, as The Dave has pretty much the same arrangement in Bones, ie all Lady Lawyers are belong to him.
-Marshall Penfield not only wants to molest Charlie, but actually goes so far as to math-stalk him. That's whole new levels of creepy.
-that random English neurosurgeon did, but then she was like, "Oh wait, I forgot I am actually engaged, so, bye!" and that was the end of her.
-Finn Montegomery did, but he killed himself. Good day, Finn Montegomery.
-Joseph Gordon Levitt did, but he was busy murdering folk and going to jail.
-Random Columbian Exile did - did you see how inappropriately close he was getting when Charlie was explaining how to not get assassinated?
-Will Patton pretends he's too gruff and no-nonsense LAPD-like to want to molest Charlie, but we know better.
-The idiot Black Ops guy who tried to put sarin in the water supply did, but he was an idiot, so, later for him.

I was going to write something about work here, but it would have been boring and negative, so I shall leave you with my "everybody wants to molest Charlie" ramblings and go to bed. Adieu!

*This is actually true. David would have the exact same expression even if he was bitten by a werewolf or something. Colby, Don and Megan would be all like OMGWTFWEREWOLF! and David would have this look on his face like he's enjoying a private joke that nobody else is smooth enough to get. Lycanthropy would not even dent the surface of his cool. He'd be like, "Oh, I'm a werewolf. How mildly entertaining."

I have decided that from this point on, whenever Lee Adama talks, I'm going to imagine him sounding like GIR from Invader Zim. It's the only way to control my increasing irritation at his almost unbelievable skill at getting on my nerves. I think somebody needs to replace Adama with like, movie!Denethor or Big Daddy Luthor (only as a temporary measure, of course, since it would be a crime against humanity to lose the Pure Awesomeness that is EJO!Adama), just to give Lee an example of what it's really like having an asshole for a father. Plus, it would be absolutely hilarious, next time Lee tries to beat his dad with the Stick of Zakguilt, if Adama just turned round and said he wished Lee had died instead. Absolute fucking smackdown. Man, I would love to see that.

Alan and Jess came over tonight. They ended up watching about half an episode of Smallville, since it was on when they arrived. I don't think they were very impressed...

Alan: You are such a geek. How can you make fun of me for watching Stargate when you watch bloody Superman?
Froodle: He's not Superman yet and anyway, Smallville's good.
Candyman on Smallville: WHERE'S THE ELEVATOR?!
Alan and Jess: *hysterics*
Froodle: Shut up.
Alan: They have a whole episode about not being able to find an elevator, come on!
Froodle: Shut up.
Jess: You're only watching this because the box has a picture of a shirtless bloke all tied up on the cover.
Froodle: Shut up!

*later*

Big Daddy Luthor: *arrives*
Jess: Aaaahahahaa, he looks like Geriatric Fabio!
Big Daddy Luthor: *tosses his fabulous mane of hair*
Alan: Here comes the science part; concentrate!
Jess: You know he only keeps it that long to annoy Lex.
Alan: Yeah, I bet when Lex was a kid he'd come down for breakfast and his dad would be like, "Oh, I'm having such a bad hair day... oh, hi Lex."
Jess: And Lex would be like, *sob*
Alan: He's lucky, I would have made him wear a wig. Like, for fuck's sake, nobody wants to see your naked head!
Froodle: You know, this is how kids grow up to be evil supervillians.

*later still*

Clark: GET TO THE ELEVATOR!
Alan: What the fuck? There is no elevator! Has he not been paying attention? That was like, the entire point.
Jess: Oh, they found it in the end. It was behind a wall.
Alan: What the... okay, why can't he pull that guy up even though he's Superman?
Froodle: The guy is made from Kryptonite.
Alan: This is retarded.
Froodle: You're retarded!
Alan: He can't even fly, what the hell. Boo!
Jess: And why is he saving Lex Luthor?
Froodle: Because they're boyfriends.
Jess: I knew there was a reason you watched this.
Froodle: ...shut up!

Later we put Red Dwarf on while we made dinner; it was one of the ones with the line about Rimmer adding "BSc" every time he signed his name and it standing for Bronze Swimming Certificate:

Alan: Oh man, can't you just imagine James doing that?
Froodle: Are you fucking kidding me? I bet he adds "LLB (Hons)" to everything he writes now. Even like, Christmas cards and credit card slips.
Jess: Do we even know what LLB stands for?
Froodle: No idea. Probably a Latin tag for "Baccalaureate of Law" or something.
Alan: At least you have something cool to go after your names. I'm just going to be "DIP".
Froodle: You sound like a sidekick in a superhero comic. "Dip Man".
Jess: You have a little symbol on your chest of a bowl of dip with a crisp sticking out of it.
Alan: Until some lazy parents get all whiny about their fatass kids and make me change it to low-fat dip with a stick of celery.
Froodle: That's way too phallic. You try that in America, the religious right will crucify you.
Alan: Fuck them then, I just won't save them from my enemies.
Jess: You could have Doritos instead of throwing stars, and an advert like, "Does your party need something extra? Call DIPMAN, for all your Sour Cream and Chive needs!"
Froodle: And an underground lair with like, a giant Fondue set.
Jess: Do you think you can insure underground lairs? I mean, if I was like, Batman, and some asshole blew up my Batcave, I'd be so annoyed if I couldn't get the insurance to cover it.
Froodle: Yeah, but if you were Batman you'd be super-rich anyway.
Jess: Batman can't be super-rich. That's for Supermans. Batmans have to be like, Batrich.
Froodle: Do they go to the Batbank to draw out a couple of hundred Batdollars?
Jess: Yes.
Alan: *sadly* I wish I had some Dipdollars.
Froodle: Well, insure the Dipcave and then get some enemies to blow it up for you.

Finally we watched Mansfield Park, which is much improved by pretending all the characters are in fact characters from Revenge of the Sith. Fanny is Anakin; Edmund is Obi-Wan; the Crawfords are Sith Lords; Ickle Midshipman William, while not actually in the film, is Padme; Lady Bertram is Yoda; Sir Thomas is Mace Windu and Mr Rushworth, of course, is Jar Jar.