...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

GANNICUS!!! Oh my God dudes, that was so awesome, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!

So basically, Crixus, Onemaius and that one other dude were gonna get executed in the arena (because, you know where a bunch of gladiators are gonna be totally unfamiliar and at a disadvantage? a fight in an arena against a bunch of other gladiators) and the dude the romans hired to do it was GANNICUS!!!

So crixus was all, "how can he do this?!" I guess because he's not totally over the little fanboy crush he had on Gannicus back in the day, and Onemaius is like, "because he sucks" and then they're out on the sand and Gannicus is like, "hey dudes" and Onemaius is like, "BITCH DID YOU BONE MY WIFE?!" and Gannicus is all, "well, this is a totally awkward place to have this conversation..." and Onemaius is like "AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHH TIME FOR STABBING" and then basically SHIT IS GETTIN' REAL.

And in the meantime Spartacus and his dudes are chillin' at this old temple, and this old hermit dude is like, "bros im a roman but im totally on your side, ps how about rescuin' some crixus?" and obviously Spartacus 2 is just like, "its rescuin' time!", like jumping in the air and pumping his fist because the new Spartacus straight up LOVES rescuin' bitches.

oh, also, there is a great bit somewhere near the start (my brain is a bit Gannicus'd so the exact order of shit is blurry) where Agron apologises for not going to the mines to rescue Naevia and Spartacus 2 is totally graceful about accepting his apology, totally confirming my belief that Spartacus 2 is actually Steve Rogers in disguise.

So anyway, Spartacus and his dudes swim into the basement of the arena through this pool of entrails, and its totally gross and I love Crixus and Naevia but at te point where you asked me to swim through corpse goo I'd be like, fuck it, she'll move on in time, which is probably why i am not a main character on a show about dudes being loyal and defying the odds and also i dont look half as good in booty shorts as crixus and whatever i forgot my words.

uh, anyway, so agron and spartacus 2 are dressed as guards, and gannicus is waiting to go out and kill his bros, and spartacus is like, isnt that kind of a dick move? and gannicus is like, whatevs, you dont get to judge my morals, and i have to say i dont get it either but maybe that is because gannicus is wearing ASSLESS CHAPS so my brain is melted. probably that is also why spartacus doesnt get it either. the assless chaps are SUPER DISTRACTING.

okay, so then fighting. and mira is setting fire to the underside of the arena, and its basically exactly like heathers, dudes cheering and stamping and smoke rising. then mira is like, fuck this, theres dudes in booty shorts and assless chaps out there and im missing it, pull this fucking arena down!! which is totally fair, and is also exactly what happens.

so roman dudes are being killed by massive gouts of terrible cgi, and the gladiator that isnt crixus or onemaius dies, and all the enemy gladiators are dead, and the arena falls on gannicus, who literally shields himself and onemaius from falling masonary with two swords, coz he's that awesome.

so the dudes find him standing over onemaius's body, and they're gonna throw down, but then gannicus is like, whatevs, dont feel like spanking you bitches right now, help me save my best bro, and obv they are all in love with his great hair and assless chaps and epic coolness, so they do.

oh, and back in romanland, poodle has totally fucked herself because she was like, husband, im divorcing you because you're ugly and stupid and i hate you and you're shit in bed, but her dad dies in the arena so now she has to stay married and her husband is like, WHO IS SHIT IN BED? WHO IS IT?! FUCK YOU BITCH BEATINGS EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. so, you know, sucks to be her, but who the fuck cares, shes roman.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Buzz Lgithhair's profile picture on Facebook is a photo of him and his girlfriend all dressed up in formalwear. Last night, I pasted Zac Efron's face over Sour Jodi, drew a heart around them in Paint and emailed it to Johnny and The Mighty Prawn. It's now the profile picture for all three of us. Buzz is less than amused:

Buzz: You three need to get a fucking life!
Froodle: What's up, Buzz Lighthair?
Buzz: Take that Facebook picture down.
Johnny: We're just supporting you.
Prawn: We're here for you, even though you disgrace our family.
Froodle: We love you, even though you have brought shame to us all with your sour ways.
Johnny: And on reflection, I think Zac Efron is a better choice than Jodi.
Froodle: Zac Efron probably doesn't come in drunk at three AM and start screeching loud enough to wake the entire house up.
Prawn: And his hair is marginally less stupid.
Froodle: And he's not Manx.
Johnny: And he has a job.
Buzz: Take it down!
Froodle: Come on Buzz, let us be there for you!
Johnny: We know how hard it is to come out to your family as a sick freak who loves Zac Efron!
Prawn: We just want to support you!
Buzz: You three are fucking dickheads! You need to shut your fucking mouths and just die! *storms off*
Johnny: *yelling after him* We believe in you, Buzz! You're still our brother!
Buzz: *yelling down the stairs* FUCK OFF!
Prawn: I feel bad now. We're like those mean dudes from Brokeback Mountain who killed Jake Gyllenhall.
Johnny: No dude, we're the good guys. We're supporting him in his decision to love Zac Efron, even though it makes us throw up inside. We're like the dad from Heathers, loving our dead gay brother.
Prawn: He's not dead though.
Froodle: He's dead inside. From loving Zac Efron and Sour Jodi.
Johnny: And not Mister Jingles.
Froodle: Fuck Mister Jingles.
Johnny: You have no soul, seriously.

Did anyone else watch My Own Worst Enemy? Does anyone else kind of love it? Not only has Christian Slater finally got a role that requires him to look hot, kill people and then monologue snarkily about it (which is something he hasn't had a chance to do since around 1988) but it has Dudley Smith! Everything is automatically a thousand times better with Dudley Smith, especially when he's a bit dodgy and manipulative and questionably Irish.

Also Raymond. I love Raymond, he's so mean. I love how he is completely dismissive of Henry. Like Henry will wake up and ask a perfectly reasonable question like, "Why are we in Russia?" or "Why are dudes shooting at us?" and Raymond just rolls his eyes like Henry's the dumbest thing he's ever witnessed, and then Henry is all OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU NOT MY NICE FRIEND TOM?! and Raymond is like SERIOUSLY I WILL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR FACE IF YOU KEEP TALKING TO ME LOSER! and Henry is all WAHH LIFE IS HARD NOW I WILL GO AND CRY IN A CORNER! and Raymond is all grouchy and snotty about it but he saves him anyway and dudes, it's pretty beautiful.

Supernatural is also slightly beautiful. I just watched the episode after Castiel comes back from getting a bollocking in Heaven about, well, basically about having become Dean's little gay angel bitch, let's face it, and Dean's all, OH MY GOD DO AS I SAY and Castiel's like OH MY GOD YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME DEAN WINCHESTER! and then he storms out in a huff and Dean's just like, WTF DICKHEAD! and then in the end Castiel comes back and does exactly what Dean asked him to in the first place.

Oh Castiel. Dean is quite clearly the boss of you.

Oh dudes, I am watching the Buffy movie for the first time in like, ten years (seriously, the last time I watched it I still lived at home and it was on TV) and it's so random and campy and beautiful and it's totally making me want to watch the TV series again even though I just watched all of it* like a month ago. Like when they're interviewing kids at the end and that one guy is all, "They had fangs and they were biting people and their eyes were totally dead - I think they were Young Republicans" and that part where Buffy steals the dude's bike and he's like, "Skank! You're a dyke! I'm going to tell the world!" or the fact that her friends are totally Heathers and the one guy who is still dying even after the end credits and it's so beautiful.

Also, this massive spider just ran across my floor and I was so busy giggling about the Buffy movie that I dropped a book on it before I even had a chance to freak out. Yes, it is that good!

Also I watched Interview with the Vampire today and oh my God, how much is the making of Claudia like, the vampire equivilent of deliberately getting knocked up in order to trap a dude into a relationship? She's like a three foot high walking piece of emotional blackmail. Andandand that bit where she tells Louis that she wants to leave and he's all whiny and like, "No that will never happen MY LIFE IS MISERY AND DESPAIR!" and she makes this awesome "get over yourself" face that makes me laugh and which is made even funnier by the fact that she's like seven years old, and that bit where she tells Lestat she has a present for him and he's all, "Then I hope it's a hot babe with boobies which you will never have!" and I'm like OH TOTAL BURN because nothing is worse than the "you'll never be a wo/man!" burn (see also: Kenny from Highlander or Peter Pan in that awesome movie where Jason Isaacs was Hook).

ALSO! Snithy, you should totally have let me show you Bully this weekend - it had male strippers, but they were young and sleek and, if not actually attractive, at least not eye-gougingly hideous and Clivelike. Also, naked Nick Stahl! Being naked and totally mean and punching people for no good reason! Nick Stahl is surely one of the most under-rated beautiful men of our time.

Then again, Bully was actually good so you probably would have had an allergic reaction to it seeing as you only like things that suck in the not-good way, Mrs "Carnivale and OUATIM and the 4400 are crap oh wait let me watch two seasons of the Lair and give us both brain damage!"

Man, you know that fuckwad who created Kidulthood, and all those other even bigger fuckwads who went on about how great it was, when in fact it was a shitty movie about a bunch of dumbass chavs doing dumbass chav things and not getting sterilized and/or shot down like rabid dogs which is really what needed to happen, both in the film and in real life? It would be so great if Larry Clark could give those people lessons in how to make movies about young people that are dark and true and also don't totally fucking suck.

*And by "all of it", what I actually mean is "the first three seasons because I try to pretend everything after Graduation Day didn't happen."

Dudes, why isn't there a sequel to Heathers? WHY?! At least with other fandoms where there isn't enough canon to go around (Once Upon a Time in Mexico, for example, or the History Boys, or even to a lesser extent SWAT) I can console myself with massive amounts of porn err... well thought-out additions to the universe originally laid out in the movies. But with Heathers, there's nobody carrying on the torch - JD explodes, Veronica smokes, Martha Dumptruck does donuts with her scooter thing, and that's the lot.

Man, somebody write me a sequel to Heathers. JD should be like this mean hallucination and trying to get Veronica to kill some dudes, and you'd never be sure if she's just seeing him because she's nuts or because he is a spooky ghost of evil! And then at the end, Betty Finn would be the baddie! It would rock.

More JD. More Agent Sands. More Gamble/Street porn. That's pretty much this post in ten words or less.

Somebody help me decide what to watch now. I am sad because nothing I own is Heathers 2: the Stabbening. Suggest things!

Urgh, dudes. Do not watch Hairspray right after you watched the final episode of the Wire "because you needed cheering up." All it does is make you really cranky and cynical about the fate of everyone in Hairspray. Like at the end, when Seaweed and Penny are singing about being together and how OMG RACIAL INEQUALITY IN BALTIMORE IZ DED YAY! and I'm like WHATEVER SUCKERS, hope Penny has a backup plan for when Seaweed is MOWED DOWN BY WARRING DRUG GANGS! And that's the best-case scenario, because at least in that one he doesn't end up a fiend or a hopper. And as for you Tracy, whatever validation you think you got from snagging Link is going to BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE when you catch him with Scott Summers' cock in his mouth. In fact, I HATE YOU ALL, STOP BEING SO HAPPY YOU SELF DELUDING LITTLE BASTARDS!

Argh. Going to watch Heathers. I HOPE YOU ALL EXPLODE HAPPY BALTIMORE!

Tagged by thestorymaker:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.



1. What is your favorite show on TV?
I don't actually have a TV aerial, so I never see anything until it's out on DVD or a friend pimps me an illegally downloaded copy, but I'm going to say Numb3rs because it is airing right now and also I am watching the fourth season as I type this and it is so beautiful and filled with Colby being tortured by Batman, you guys. Okay, it was only Fatass Kilmer Batman, but still.

2. Name five things you’d want with you if stranded on a desert island:
The Intarweb (for reading porn)
A laptop (to read intarweb porn on)
Cake (for eating while reading porn on the Intarweb)
Some DVDs (to watch on the laptop when not reading porn or eating cake)
Thlayli (for companionship/emergency source of protein)


3. What was the best part of your day?
That beautiful moment when the revolving door at the entrance to the House of Gas span me out into the free world, away from the fuckery of the general public.

4. What is your favorite scent?
Cinnimon, orange and clove

5. What is your favorite drink?
Maya Gold hot chocolate

6. What do you drink the most?
Coffee

7. What is your favorite restaurant?
Tintins, a wonderous (but ruinously expensive) Cantonese restaurant in Leeds

8. What will you be doing after finishing this?
Probably watch more Numb3rs, maybe drink some hot chocolate

9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Alone

10. Your favorite romantic movie?
Heathers

11. What kind of person do you think the person is who tagged you ?
Pretty awesome

12. What are you afraid of?
Pretty much any kind of creepy-crawly.

13. What's your favorite item of clothing?
My "robots in disguise" t-shirt - it's got the Transformers logo wearing the GM 20-20s aka Groucho Marx glasses and "robots in disguise" written underneath it. LEGEND.

14. What time do you usually go to bed?
About 12.30am

15. What's the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
Back when I still lived at home, the two youngest Froodlebrothers, Buzz Lighthair and Kaizer Wilhelm, went on this camping trip thing with their Scout group. Kaizer Wilhelm came back with a toy monkey that had long dangling arms and legs that hung like limp noodles, and staring crack addict eyes ala Elijah Wood in Lord of the Rings. Frodo+Noodle = Froodle. The name amused me so much I co-opted it for my own use.

I tag:

ajmckay, alt-baie, chibimarchy, Snithy, girlofprey, marystmatthew, yume623 and itsjustc.

My rabbit delights in mocking me. I've been revising all afternoon, and I swear, he was deliberatly stretching and yawning and falling asleep on the sofa next to me just to rub my nose in it. Little grey bastard. He twitches in his sleep, too - no doubt chasing dogs or something.

In other news, I saw Kingdom of Heaven on Thursday... ( Cut for spoilers )

And finally, memes stolen from imbeiaiel:

FILM MEME

1. Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
101, not counting the animated ones because they're in a different wallet and I can't be bothered to go and count them.

2. The last film I bought:
Phantom of the Opera

3. The last film I watched:
Kingdom of Heaven

4. Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
Pump Up the Volume
Heathers
Interview with a Vampire
The Last Unicorn
Watership Down

USERINFO MEME

1. Does my username suit me?

2. Is my journal's title cryptic or descriptive? What do you think it means?

3. Do you think my bio describes me well? If there were no names given would you be able to guess who it was describing?

4. Which of my interests surprises you the least?

5. Which of my interests surprises you the most?

6. Which of my interests needs explaining?

7. Which of my user pics suits me best? Why?

Aaaand that is all.

Movie Meme

The rules

-- Pick one dozen movies that are ones that you have special feelings about.
-- Pick a few lines of dialogue.
-- As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
-- After the film is guessed, explain why that movie made the list.
( Read more... )