...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Well, the Glee finale was boring and lame - I liked Kurt and Minidina singing For Good, but Brittany's "My Cup" basically recycled the joke from My Headband, and of course there was no Sue, so that made everything suck.

On the other hand, Luther is back! Oh Luther! For those of you who haven't heard of it, Luther stars Idris Elba as a stern hot detective who fights crime with the power of being hot and stern, an infalliable sense of JUSTICE, and occasionally dropping serial killers from high places, while being assisted by a sexy red-haired serial killing scientist who believes in LOGIC and DISPASSIONATE REASONING and also stabbing people. They're basically Brennan and Booth's evil twins. It's great.

MY brother was bitching that Luther's wee Scouse boyfriend is a massive step down fron Daddy Winchester, but I quite like Ripley - he's so little and sweet, and okay, not as super-hot as Daddy Winchester, but also less likely to cheat on Idris Elba with the bird from Star Trek and basically plunge the entire series into chaos like in The Losers. Ripley, I approve of you.

Apart from that, I have been watching lots of Numb3rs - I know I bitched and whinged massively about the last episode of season three, but the penultimate episode, where Charlie and Don go to couples therapy together was SO CUTE, OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! And Charlie was like, "I'm not as helpless as people think," and I was like, OH CHARLIE, YOU COMPLETELY ARE, BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANYWAY! The final season is FINALLY getting released over here next month, yay!

Sigh. I bought popping corn yesterday and I want to go down and make popcorn so I can eat it while I watch more Numb3rs live a rich and fulfilling life, but my Dad is doing his faffing-hen impression in the kitchen so I have to wait eight thousand years for him to finish whatever-the-fuck it is he's up to or risk getting sucked into his maelstrom of inefficiency. WHATEVER!

Just saw a thingie on Facebook where Marti Noxon was talking about her part in the Fright Night remake. I really wish I had realised earlier that she was involved - that totally explains why the remake sucks, and not in either of the two fun ways a vampire movie could do so. Fuck you, Marti Noxon. If I had a syringe full of PrawnAIDS I would jab it into your fucking face.

In other, more positive news, after seeing Don's ex-boyfriend on Castle the other night, I have been inspired to start re-watching Numb3rs, and OH MY GOD, could it be any more homoerotic? I mean, intellectually I was aware of how incredibly slashy it was, but rewatching it just dazzled me with it's subtexty goodness.

I just finished watching that season 2 episode with the little boy whose mum gets shot for exposing stock fraud, and that bit with Charlie and Colby and the gumballs, dude, there was less sexual tension in TV shows that are actually mostly about sexual tension. So awesome.

Anyways, that's pretty much all I have to say for the moment, so good day!

Oh, I forgot to mention: why is Don's fugitive recovery ex-boyfriend guy suddenly a super-mean criminal dude who was meening on Ryan and lovely lovely Esposito for no reason? This distresses me. I thought Don had better judgement than that.

Lovely lovely Esposito. Why could you not have been wetter in this episode?

Dudes, I just saw the last episode of the Tribe and really, how fucking stupid do you have to be not to realise that an AI with the combined personalities of a dead sociopath and a live megalomaniac is going to wind up going SkyNet all over the place? What an idiot!

Man, I so want a Zoot AI of my own now. Especially if I could put it on the PCs at work and have it smile creepily every time someone tried to ask me an inane question. Which would actually be all the time. Maybe if someone asked me a non-retarded question, he'd Vogue.

And now, meme answers!

Scheherezhad wanted to know my top five Eerie moments:

1: The scene in the Hole in the Head Gang where Simon and Mars see the fake ghost head for the first time, and Mars is like ARRRRRGGGHHHH-*takes picture*-AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
2: The scene in Scariest Home Movies where Harley steps on the female leads' dress and it rips and you see her knickers and then he turns and waggles his eyebrows suggestively at the audience - is there anything funnier than a pervy six year old?
3: The scene in Who's Who where Simon tells Sarah Sue-Bob that she should try telling her family how she feels, and Sarah Sue-Bob says that she hopes "this isn't some New Age peaceful thing that will backfire on me," and then it does!
4: Dash and Mars' almost-kiss in the alley behind the Loyal Order of Corn. Yes it was, shut the fuck up.
5: The Foreverware Wave.

Chibimarchy wanted to know my top five canon or fanom pairings from any fandom:

Canon pairings:
1: Buffy and Angel (BtVS/Angel) I swear, I will be like sixty and watching it on the DVD player surgically grafted onto my face as I zoom around the Moon Station with my personal jetpack, and I will still be crying over that scene at the end of season three where he shows up to take her to the prom. And then I'll probably crash into a satellite because I can't see where I'm going through the tears.
2: Van and Hitomi (Escaflowne) Even though in the end Hitomi chose indoor plumbing and electricty over young love and an early death from cholera due to Fanelia's appalling lack of infrastructure, I got a bit choked up during that scene where she decides to go back to him and as she's running on the track, he appears on the Escaflowne in a pillar of light and he's about to speak and she just throws herself into his arms. Having said that, I also quite liked the scene in Operation: Golden Rule of Love where he was trying to tell her how he felt and he ended up saying he wanted her powers instead and she bitchslapped him.
3: Rita Sue and Jonesy (Carnivale) That first time, where she takes off his brace, was so bitter-sweet and beautiful, and afterwards they were so hot and heavy together, the way they couldn't keep their hands off each other - Rita Sue is so jaded and worldly when it comes to sex and love and marriage, so having her fall for Jonesy that hard made it all the more meaningful. And of course all the more heartbreaking when he broke it off.
4: Jack and Ellie (the Tribe) I just think they're adorable together - like when he renames their newspaper the Amulet and she says he's beautiful, or the conversation with the walkie-talkies where neither of them want to hang up - and that scene where you find out that it's Ellie sending Ebony all the death threats, because she blames her forJack being taken, and Ebony gets her trademark sass on and Ellie just lunges for her and Ebony's like OMGWTF and even Techno Ranger almost manages an expression.
5: Lucas and Selina (American Gothic) Because... because they're Lucas and Selina, come on, like I even have to explain that!

Fanon pairings:
1: Jordan/Shawn (4400) Because the debauching of underage boys by morally ambiguous, totally hot, beard-having Messiah figures is awesome.
2: Bray/Lex (the Tribe) Because alpha-male power struggles are also awesome, especially if one party habitually wears a lot of leather and eyeliner, and especially-specially if it tends to devolve into homoerotic wrestling matches.
3: Scipio/Prosper (the Thief Lord) Because underage boylove in Venice? Yes, that too is awesome.
4: Mars/Dash (Eerie Indiana) As above, but in Indiana.
5: Colby/Charlie (Numb3rs) Because... dude, look at them! That's why!

itsjustc wanted to know my top five Tribe characters:

1: Jack
2: Lex
3: KC
4: Ebony
5: Bray

Dudes! Okay so, I generally try and pretend the last four seasons of Buffy never happened, mostly because thinking about them sparks off a twnety minute string of profanities about the shitness of Dawn/Riley/Kennedy and the downfall of Buffy and I really try not to mention what Xander devolved into because it breaks my heart a bit and of course you have Spike's eighty-odd-episodes-long character rape and I'm going to stop now because otherwise this post will be another swearathon, but anyway! So I always thought that Andrew was a bit shit, although in fairness by the time it ended he was the only one I wasn't actively hoping would die, but only because he was just lame instead of rage-inducingly dislikable. But anyway, I was watching that episode of Angel with the mental Slayer who cuts off Spike's hands, and I realised, it's Amita from Numb3rs. And now I'm thinking, Andrew can't have been as much of a 'tard as I thought he was, because apparently his training program not only makes you not be crazy, it turns you into a kind of Maths Superhero.

And now I think Amita Ramanujan: Vampire Slayer should be a show. Or maybe she can be a character in my Zombie Dickens fest - like when Zombie Twist is all, "Please sir, can I have some more... BRAINS ARRRGHRAHGARGHCHOMPYFACE!" Amita can dramatically ninja in through the window and dismember him.

I'm not sure how I feel about Amita/The Dave, though. Probably he would have another love interest that was Lindsey no I didn't just write that.

Also, where is all my Jayne/Simon porn? I thought I bookmarked it under memories but it's gone away. Boo!

Not that you guys should really need any encouragement to watch the 4400 beyond Jordan's beard, but as I am watching the episode in question, I would like to point out that there is a 4400 whose ability is, I kid you not, the ability to bring MANLY VIOLENCE on a massive scale. I'm totally serious, there was Tom and Major Lorne and handcuffing and pistol-whipping galore. It was glorious, dudes!

TJ should take herself over to Numb3rs and spend some time around Don and David this season. And Colby. I don't think I've ever seen Colby pistol-whip someone. Tch, Colby. Way to let the side down.

Notes From This Weekend:

• Cadillac Records is fucking awesome. Also, Beyonce is totally not-fail as an actress. I wasn't even a little bit embarrassed for her at any point. Well done, Beyonce.
  
• Push is okay. It has Papa Midnite as the main baddie, and he's cool, but the main dude is like the love child of Dean Winchester and that dude who plays Dracula in Blade: Trinity. Not as hot as it sounds, guys. Also, the cast list was all, NOW WITH ADDED TOM BALDWIN! and then I watched it and Tom Baldwin was in it for like ten seconds before he died. Not cool, Push. We do not go around killing beautiful earnest Tom Baldwin.
  
• Zachary Quinto was put on this earth to torment me. They showed the trailer of the new Star Trek movie and I swear, it's like God is sitting there going, "Hey Froodle, here's a really seriously fucking hot guy for you to stare at, but the catch is, every time you see him on-screen, he's going to be playing a character that you want to kick in the nuts." Why, Zachary Quinto? Why?!
  
• There is a new Fast and Furious movie. Paul Walker was being failsome and excessively American as usual. Vin Diesel was being retardatical as usual. It was all very disgraceful.
  
• CORALINE WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET?
  
• Likewise, WOLVERINE MOVIE WHY ARE YOU NOT OUT YET?
  
• Mohinder, you fail at science so much. I am completely filled with distain for you. SCIENTISTS! PLEASE DO NOT INJECT YOURSELF WITH UNTESTED SHITTERY! IT NEVER ENDS WELL!
  
• I really hate Woody Allen. Honestly, I want to kick him in the nuts so badly, Zachary Quinto will probably end up playing him in the biopic. Cassandra Dreams is fucktarded beyond belief. How anyone can take Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor and turn it into a bloated, self-important, mind-numbingly dull wankfest is beyond me.
  
• Profit is beautiful. Oh Profit. You are my only friend.
  
• The fact that there is yet another Underworld movie makes me hate God.

On a totally unrelated note, the House of Gas has arranged an hour and a half lecture on the Golden Ratio and Fibonacci sequences. At work. For the workers. Except that if you're scheduled to be on the 'phones, you don't get to go, which begs the question, who the fuck is expecting a bunch of phone-monkeys to give up their free time to go to a lecture, at work, on advanced mathematical concepts? Are we going to be fighting crime with them? Will the FBI and adorkable curly-headed mathematicians be involved? No? Fuck off then. I'm just so confused by the rational behind it - most of our retardo customers can't add VAT to a fuel bill without having a meltdown - is this something King Gas thinks is going to be useful in our day to day lives? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

You know what makes me sort of tetchy about the Numb3rs fandom? It's the fact that there's like, a massively disproportionate amount of porn featuring Billy Cooper, often with guys who hadn't even joined the show at the time of his mighty one episode only appearance, but there is no Colby/Dwayne action to be seen. Seriously, you guys! Where is the Dwayne love? I know he turned out to be a bit lame and evil and he kind of spoke like a retard, but he did save Colby from Fatass Kilmer Batman in the end, so I think that should earn him some points.

Aah, screw you all. Go and find me some pictures of Nathan Petrelli looking beautiful. I'm going to bed.

I just finished watching that episode where Gary Navarro (he was calling himself Clay Porter, but whatevs, he's Gary Navarro to me) comes back because some evil Army dudes kidnap his family and Colby is all, filled with ANGUISH and PAST ANGST and then at the end he gets that picture of him and Dwayne out of the drawer and puts it back on the desk and looks all sad and wistful and-and-and...

Um. Uh.

I really want Colby/Dwayne smut now.

OH GOD STOP JUDGING ME!

You know, I talk a lot on here about people being the poor man's version of other people, but I don't always mean it as a bad thing. Like, okay, Stellan Skarsgård is totally the poor man's version of Russell Crowe, but what that actually means is that he has traits in common with Russell Crowe, and that's a good thing. It's not as good as actually being Russell Crowe, but it still makes you better than people who aren't Russell Crowe-like at all. Or like how Colby is the poor man's version of Seeley Booth - all that means is that he will eventually evolve into Seeley Booth.* A few more years, a better haircut, and maybe some hugging of puppies and Boothdom is totally achievable.

But then you get these really tragic cases, where someone is trying to be the poor man's version of some other, more awesome person, and they fail and wind up becoming the poor man's version of someone far more losery than their intended idol. Case in point: Angus Sutherland. I just feel so bad for him, because he's trying so hard to be Keifer Sutherland in the original Lost Boys, and instead of being David Mark II, he ends up being Stuart Townsend in Queen of the Damned.

And before anyone gets on my case, yes, I loved the Lost Boys 2, and yes, I do hate Queen of the Damned with all the considerable hate in my soul, but that's not the point of this post. The point is that while Keifer Sutherland was good at being a badass vampire and exchanging long homoerotically-charged looks with Jason Patrick, Angus Sutherland is really only good for the latter. Also, and this is not really his fault but it should be mentioned, Tad Hilgenbrink as Chris Emerson is nothing like as pretty as Jason Patrick as Micheal Emerson.

Of course, if any of you wanted to rush off and find me lots of Shane/Chris porn, I would not be adverse to reading it. In the spirit of scientific enquiry, of course.

I was going to make a list here of things I love and things I hate about the fourth season of Numb3rs, but I don't feel like it any more, so I will just say that we need more falling in water from Colby and less wearing of horrible ties from Charlie.


And now, some random quiz things:

You Are Candy Corn

Your Halloween personality is whimsical, colorful, and creative. You see Halloween as a time to get your creative juices flowing. Each year, Halloween can't start soon enough for you. You tend to go all out for Halloween. You decorate like crazy and always dress up.

What Halloween Treat Are You?

You Are a Werewolf

You are moody and easily provoked. You are highly loyal and protective of those you love. While you can be intense at times, you are generally a laid back person. But if a fight comes your way, you will fight 'til the death if necessary. You seem normal to most people. No one understands how different you can be. It's like a switch flips for you sometimes - and then you're a completely different creature.

Are You a Vampire or a Werewolf?

What Your Cute Monster Says About You

You're the type of person who stands out in a crowd, even when you're trying to blend in. You are honest in your character and appearance. You don't pretend to be someone else. Your inner demon is sorrow. You tend to get depressed easily. People think you're cute because you're rebellious. Your uniqueness is charming.

The Cute Monster Test

*Except for the shooting clowns bit, as we can all agree that Don is far more likely to shoot a clown than anyone else on Numb3rs.