...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Turn your baseball caps sideways to pass as either a rap singer or a New Kid on the Block, because here in the UK it's officially All Hallows Eve and therefore time to watch Hocus Pocus!

Ear infection! *sadcries* I was gonna make peanut butter cookies and try on my Halloween costumes and watch the 'Burbs tonight but instead... instead there is only sadness.

why is it that if I feel the urge I can buy costukes to make me look like a "sexy" carrot or a "sexy" pizza slice but I cant buy a slutty lady version of the winter soldier outfit? GET IT TOGETHER WORLD I WANT TO BE TARTY BUCKY BARNES FOR HALLOWEEN!

Aaahhh, cold September evening, come here and cool me while I snug up in my freshly washed duvet. I got a chocolate Halloween pop today,and im eating it right now. so tasty and pumpkin shaped!

Work is kicking my ass so hard right now. I just heard that the other dude in my team has hurt his neck on holiday and has had to be signed off for an unspecifed amount of time, but definately the rest of this week. Sour times for me. Also him, I guess, but mostly me.

Also Mike is obsessed with Are You Afraid of the Dark and its sooooooo bad and lame and I want to hit like, easily two thirds of the cast.

I signed up for spook me and I got my prompts today and when I looked at them my brain was like, "nah." Dont do this biz, brain!

Eating a chocolate lollipop shaped like a ghost, wearing kitty ears and watching Eerie Indiana. In the eternal struggle of Cat Heg vs Life, I pretty much kicked in life's front door, punched it in the throat, then fucked it's mum on it's kitchen table. THAT IS HOW EMPOWERING KITTY EARS AND CHOCOLATE GHOSTPOPS ARE.

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Just got around to adding last year's Halloween party CDs to i-Tunes. One of the songs is "Devil You Know" by none other than Steps. I guess now we know at what point Halloween becomes too scary for me to tolerate. Abandoning my fealty to Jack Skellington, pledging allegiance to the Easter Platypus.

American Horror Story is definately improving - Zachary Quinto was awesome in the first installment of the Halloween two-parter. "Oh, but never fear, Count Chocula's here, to add some real class!" OH ZACHARY QUINTO. I wish he would narrate my whole life.

Glee, however, is a piece of shit. Even Idina Menzel's magnificent breasts and Puck's hilarious mohawk/cowlick hybrid can't save it. Finn outing Santana to the entire school and then having the nerve to give her a lecture on the importance of self-acceptance was absolutely disgusting, and what was worse is that instead of kicking him in the nards, she just took it. The only decent bit was Coach Bieste singing Jolene, and whatever, Coach Bieste isn't even a proper character. Also, there's something wrong with that Irish kid's face. I'm ready for everyone in Glee to die now.

I really like Criminal Minds, but I can't get over the fact that Spencer is a DEAD RINGER for Jonathan Crane from Batman Begins, and every time I get to the end of an episode and he doesn't put on a sackcloth mask and go around giggling and poisoning everyone with scaredness-disease, I feel sad and betrayed by him. SORRY SPENCER REID, I AM TOTALLY JUDGING YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SKINNY!

Also, someone needs to write me slashy Halloween-themed Eerie fic. I have to go watch some fireworks now, but when I get back, there'd better be fic or I will get totally sour with all of you.

My brother is the sourest of all the Hegs. He got a parcel delievered yesterday, only we weren't in so they left a card, and today I walked all the way to the next village to collect it and then walked all the way back with it and put it on top of his wardrobe so his stupid cat wouldn't piss on it like he usually does, and when he got home he basically told me that it was my birthday present, that he wouldn't tell me what it was, and that he was keeping it at Hayley's house for the next month so I couldn't sneak in and look at it.

Sour. Little. Heg.

I am looking for temporary spider tattoos to complete one of my Halloween costumes, but I keep dismissing everything I find on the grounds that the spiders are too scary. I think deciding to dress as Arachne may have been a miscalculation on my part, given my rampant bugophobia.

In other news, the Losers is still super-beautiful. There should be at least three sequels to it. They would all be way better than that stupid Texas something-something-murder-mystery-nobody-cares bullshit movie that Daddy Winchester is in at the moment. I haven't seen it, but I already know it sucks. I'm magical like that.

So Hayley has this weird pink think that sort of looks like a foam-covered pretzel that you squidge and it makes your arms toned or whatever. I was messing with it in the kitchen while Johnny and I watched Prawn destroy our kitchen in an attempt to make breakfast:

Prawn: What the hell is that?
Froodle: Hayley's bicep thingie. Getting my arms all hench for Halloween. Gotta look good in my costume.
Johnny: You can hardly squeeze it, you're not getting hench off that.
Froodle: I will be the henchest of all the Hegs. Even Buzz won't be as hench as me.
Johnny: You'll never be hench. By the way, I changed my mind about going as the Comedian, so you can go as him if you want.
Froodle: I was going to anyway, but I'm glad you realised that you're not sound enough to be the Comedian.
Johnny: Actually, it's because I didn't want to go as the guy who gets his ass kicked by a skinny blonde dude with a tiara and a load of gay porn on his work computer.
Prawn: Aaaaaahhahahhahhaah.
Froodle: Jealous little sour squad, can't take it that you're not good enough to mimic my costume choices.
Prawn: Yeah, because we want to be the spacker who dies in the first ten seconds of the film.
Froodle: If you get a girlfriend by Halloween, my costume and I are going to rape her.
Prawn: I'll get a super-ugly one, you'll be raping her and trying not to throw up at the same time.
Froodle: I'll pull my mask down over my eyes to protect myself.
Johnny: If you try to rape Hayley, she'll kick the shit out of you.
Froodle: She probably could, this fucking pretzel thing is a killer! How many of these can she do?
Johnny: I dunno, she does it when we're watching TV. It's like, an episode of the Inbetweeners-worth per night.
Froodle: Fuck! I'll roofie her first then.
Johnny: That is so not in the spirit of Halloween.
Froodle: Whingewhingewhinge, soursoursour. Who are you going as, then?
Johnny: Sonic.
Prawn: Gay.
Johnny: He isn't gay! Sonic's a legend, you shut your fucking ginger face and hurry up with my fucking omlette.
Froodle: What's Hayley going as?
Johnny: Tails.
Froodle: So you're going as Sonic, your girlfriend is going as Tails, and somehow that's not gay?
Johnny: No, because she's a Fox and Tails is a fox, get it?
Prawn: That sounds gay to me.
Froodle: Dude, I have to agree, that's full-on gay.
Johnny: You're a girl trying to get hench so you can rape my girlfriend, you're the gay one.
Froodle: I'll be in costume, fucktard, it doesn't count.
Johnny: It counts.
Froodle: You're just jealous because I'll be so much hencher and better in bed than you.
Johnny: Whatever. William! I want chorizo in mine, don't forget!
Froodle: Yeah William, our brother who isn't gay wants some sausage to start his day off.
Prawn: Haaaahahahaah.
Johnny: Hohoho, what funny little Hegs. We'll see who's laughing when I'm a sound blue hedgehog and you're dead from scrawny blond tiara dudes.
Prawn: I'm going as a crocodile.
~SILENCE~
Froodle: ...yeah, you totally win.