...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Let's do a meme, loserfaces:

1) make a list of fifteen characters first, and keep it to yourself for the moment. (that way you're not leading the questions asked to fit the characters.)

2) ask your flist to post questions in the comments.

for example: 'one, nine and fifteen are chosen by a prophecy to save the world from four. do they succeed?'
'under what circumstances might five and seven fall in love?'
'which character on the list would you most want on your side in a zombie invasion?'
'write a drabble in which three and five fight crime.' (...possibly not technically a question.)

3) after your flist has asked enough questions, round them up and answer them using the fifteen characters you selected beforehand, then post them.

In other news, it's the first of October, which means I should be putting my Halloween decorations up right about now, but I just spent most of the afternoon watching Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive and I'm pretty sure I now have massive brain damage as a result. Of course, you could argue that in order to have wasted a whole afternoon watching Power Rangers I must have been pretty retarded in the first place, to which I say SHUT UP DON'T JUDGE ME ASSHOLES!

It was pretty fucking hilarious, though - Bray wanders around dressed as a Jedi Padawan, gets turned into a dinosaur (which incidentally is still a better plot line than all three Star Wars prequels put together), has a really quite marvelous Dilandau-esque "no my pretty face!" moment as a result, cries about some gay broken crystal, gets turned human again, gets melted (twice), gets reconstituted (twice), almost gets tentacle-raped (twice), broods (a lot), angsts (a lot), questions his leadership abilities (a lot), bitchslaps a bunch of people with his magical liquid mercury bitch-slappin' hands, steals a hat, tries to flirt with a pretty girl and ends up looking like a spastic, starts stripping in public (the Black Ranger stops him, FAIL, Black Ranger), tries talking like a homie, asks a lot of questions about breakfast foods (I know wtf), has a girlfriend that he thinks is dead that turns out not to be dead and is played by Beth Allen (although at least this time she wasn't faking her own death to get out of dating him), gets attacked by cats in robot battle armour about a million times, and drives a police car that is not as awesome as Zoots.

Anyway, now I'm going to make a cup of tea and watch the Wire, and probably get mad that nobody gets turned into dinosaurs. Sigh. Oh the Wire, you were so nearly perfect.

I'm back, losers. Somehow I managed to contract a computer virus that required me to reload my entire operating system from scratch, losing all my valuable files and links in the process. I cannot help thinking Liamneeson is punishing me for the whole Nathan/Peter thing. I SAID I WAS SORRY, OKAY?! I HAVE ISSUES AND I DON'T LIKE MOHINDER/SYLAR VERY MUCH AND THAT SEEMS TO BE ALL THERE IS APART FROM PETRELLICEST IN THIS FANDOM AND NATHAN IS SO VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE AND IT CONFUSES ME HOW ATTRACTIVE HE IS AND THEN I MAKE BAD CHOICES WITH MY PORN!

Anyway, I have paid my penance, and now I have returned with an important message for you all. And it is thus: go and watch In Bruges. Seriously. I was going to go watch the new Clone Wars movie and maybe see TDK again this weekend, but I watched In Bruges in the morning and it was so marvellous, I decided to cancel all other plans in favour of an impromptu Colinfest.

Yes, that's right, In Bruges is more awesome than the Dark Knight. I'm not joking. Batbale might be hot-shit when it comes to high-tech gadgetry and fighting crime, but In Bruges has Colin Farrel karate-chopping a midget and calling a skinhead a "bumboy" right before blinding him. Plus awesome lines about Dutch paintings being "rubbish by spastics" and Colin being chased around the town square by fatass American tourists after calling them "a bunch of fucking elephants." Unlucky, TDK, you have been completely outstripped. I was actually going to draw a picture of Colin Farrel ass-raping Batbale to express how superiour In Bruges is, but it's really difficult to draw ass-fuckery with stick figures. So, you get nothing.

...why are you still here? Go buy it on DVD. Or you're gay.

Fucking hell, you guys! I wore my awesome kittehshooz out for the first time last night, and I swear to God, I only walked about half a mile the whole evening, and my feet are completely made from pain. Clearly, my only option is to sign up as a Sith Lord in Training long enough to get on the healthcare plan, then persuade them to cut off my feet and replace them with robofeet, so that I may wear beautiful shoes without being crippled with agony for days afterwards. Awesome plan!

On a totally different note, somebody please find me a tutorial that's like, "How To Make Music Videos When You Are Terminally Retarded". Please! This shit is harder than Harvey Dent when confronted by the Joker dressed as a nurse err... adamantium? Something less wrong than what I just said.

Also, the Mummy 3 is so completely cheesy and camp and action-packed and gleeful. Brendan Fraser is hotness, and gains EXTREME COOLPOINTS for having the stones to headbutt Jet Li. Seriously, Brendan Fraser, you rock. Even Colin Farrel is impressed with your headbutting prowess. I could write some more about it, but frankly, I need to read some Nathan/Peter porn, then cry myself to sleep over how wrong it is to associate Peter and sex.

So, in case it wasn't obvious, I've seen the Da Vinci Code. And it was awful. I cannot use strong enough terms to warn people away from this travesty of justice. Tom Hanks should be shot, Dan Brown should be crucified, and that silly French bird needs a one-way ticket to the Reject Bin. Even Sir Ian could not rescue this film from the swirling vortex of pure shitty movie-ness that it creates. Were this movie a living thing, I would recommend cutting off all its limbs and throwing it in a pool of molten lava as a punishment merely for existing.

I did, however, see the trailer for PotC2, the new Bond film and Poseidon. To take the last first, why?! I mean, come on, the original TV series was rubbish anyway - and not in the fun way that 70s tv shows can sometimes be - the new one was rubbish even though it had Jayne and he was all wet, why the fuck did they decide there needed to be a movie? This goes with Underworld 2 and Dr Dolittle 3 in the "what were they thinking?" pile. It's also advertised as coming "From the director of Troy and the Perfect Storm", which serves more as a warning label than a reccomendation. PotC2 looks, unsuprisingly, totally awesome. There's a weird Cthulhu-pirate (he wears a hat!) and Johnny Depp in eyeliner and sexy facial tattoos. I think that's really all that needs to be said. James Bond looks suprisingly not-boring, mostly because of Daniel Craig and Judi Dench, but I probably won't bother seeing it anyway. Just because this one might suck less than every other James Bond movie ever made doesn't mean it won't still suck.

Okay, that Artz guy on Lost randomly exploding? Hi-larious. Possibly even funnier than Anakin becoming a quadruple amputee or Samuel L Jackson being eaten by a shark. There should be more shows where people blow up for no reason at all. Also where they all get turned into My Little Ponies. Sawyer would make such a cute My Little Pony.

On a related note, although I am in general not fond of kids in shows about grown-up people, Charlie chasing Sawyer around the island with Claire's baby and making Sawyer read carporn to him is so damn cute, I think I might die. Although that may well be because of the afore-mentioned Sawyer-reads-carporn, rather than baby-cuteness.

In other news, XME! Hurrah! I've only seen the first episode so far, but that bit where Todd and Wanda are in the news van and they're watching the tape of the Sentinal falling on Magneto and they see Pietro on the recording and Todd's like, "Pietro! But that means-" and Wanda's all, "Magneto is still alive!" and Todd gives her this look like, "I was about to say 'he betrayed us all', but let's make this all about your Daddy issues, Princess." But obviously he doesn't say that because he's all in love with Wanda, and also she's kind of cranky and mean and stupidly over-powered.

This is very fucking sad. I am that starved for entertainment, I've been reduced to watching Revenge of the Sith. And not for Hayden Christensen in eyeliner, but because it's one of the only things I've got left. I'm going to end up like Bleh in Drawn Together, only instead of I Am Sam reviews, I'll speak soley in horrendous George Lucas-penned dialogue. "You were my brother! I loved you!" "Gone is the boy you knew." "There's still good in him, Obi... I can feel it..."

Although not strictly vampire-themed and also sadly lacking in the Sexy Priests Who Kill People department, LXG has made it on my playlist purely because I was in the mood for the wonderfully snarky and intolerably gorgeous Dorian Gray, a character who has done much to lessen my desire to kick Stuart Townsend in the nuts for his part in making me sit through QotD. Still, him being snarky to Secret Agent!Tom Sawyer is all kinds of funny. Poor sad Tom Sawyer. Also, seriously, what is up with Roxula's accent? Obviously when he's the Phantom, it's all generic Eastern European, and that's fine, because if 24 has taught me anything, it's that all villians come from Eastern Europe, but the rest of the time it switches from upper-class to working-class English for no obvious reason and it makes me cross with it's fakosity. Because, you know, Mr Hyde, Captain Nemo and Tom Sawyer teaming up to Fight Crime is totally believable, but stupid accents piss me off.

In other news concerning things that rule, Big Wolf on Campus is awesome. Santa's evil younger brother trying to steal Christmas, a superhero that starts fires to get attention and a demon stealing souls at a high school election are exactly what TV should be all about. That, and snide remarks about Tom Cruise and the Star Wars prequels.

Hahahaaaah, Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does. Behold! Sexy, sexy Lietro just for me! I am the most awesome person in the world EVAR!

...okay, not really, I accidently clicked the word "Lietro" in my interests list thinking it was a community and it brought that up. But still, gift from God!

In other news, I think there may be some kind of secret rule that you have to cross Brokeback Mountain with absolutely every other fandom in the world. At least the ones with a slash contingent. See, for example, the latest additions to Kenobi Explains. Although I seriously will cry if anyone turns Scip into a Big Gay Cowboy.

Oh, and you know who sucks? The Duke of Freid. "Yes, I think I'll just stupidly kill myself and leave the faate of my kingdom in the hands of my five-year-old son, who, while very cute, is a) five years old and b) related to Allen and therefore probably retarded, and in any case is totally not capable of standing up to Folken's sneaky and sinister ways." I did, however, have hysterics when he's on the battlefield all like, "Rargh, you're rubbish Zaibach! I challenge you to come and fight me!" and the Zaibach archers are like, *ZING* and he's all like, *dies*. And his bright yellow 'melef, what the hell was that about? That's so much worse than Dilandau and his Big Gay Alseides of DOOM. And Allen being all like, "No Van, you can't fight Dilandau, I have to fight him!" and Van's all, "Allen, you have no arms! Back the fuck down, bitch!" and Allen's like, *Hmph, I shall toss my hair in a disgruntled yet manly fashion!" and Van's like, "Whatever." But I don't care because OMG DRYDEN! So awesome!

I knew if I waited long enough, eventually the price of RotS would drop to a point where it's commensurate with the film's actual value. Although it's a good thing I rate films on factors like "has pretty boys wearing eyeliner" and "features horrific yet massively amusing maimings", otherwise I'd have to wait for someone to pay me to take it off their hands.

On the subject of old fandoms - Goddamnit I still can't find that porn! - you know what has stood the test of time remarkably well? The Digimon fandom. I am of course referring to the first two seasons, and not the travesty that was collectable cards and a fucking horrible red dinosaur, but seriously, it is so gratifying to realise that, long after it's been taken off the air and despite the fact that you don't own the tapes or DVDs, a person can still carry a massive torch for the Digimon Kaiser. And that you still laugh when anyone mentions Wormmon, Davish or Goth TK.

Heh. Wormmon.

Aww man, Rollo Weeks was in the Little Vampire. Now I really am going to kill myself. Or maybe go back in time and stop him from starring in shitty movies that I watched because I had a crush on various leading actors (Richard E. Grant, you freaks, not that stupid little brat from Jerry Maguire). But then it would be like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer keeps going back in time and changing the course of history in unexpected and disturbing ways, and when I got back to 2006, Scipio would be played by Daniel Radcliffe and Jake Lloyd would be playing Bo, and I'd be like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and Hayden Christensen would cry because everyone gets to say that line except him. You want some ointment for that burn, Hayden Christensen?

In other news, whenever I hear that Darren Hayes song, "Creeping Up On You", it totally reminds me of Pietro and Sp-ke from X-Men: Evolution. I'm not sure when Sp-ke made the transition from "annoying X Tard with lame powers, stupid hair and stupider name" to "stalker", but there you go. Man, I love that show. I wish the WB had released all of it on DVD - I want to see Lance randomly bitchslapping Pietro with an armchair and Pyro watching that video of Magneto bite it over and over while giggling psychotically and that old guy glomping Toad in the subway again. Sigh. I bet it'll be like Gargoyles or EI and it'll get released when I'm like, forty, and I'll be all, "I remember when this first aired" and my many cats will be like, "Whatever. Feed us tuna now plzkthx."