froodle: (Default)
Dudes, I just got back from seeing Red Riding Hood, and oh my God, it sucked a giant donkey schlong all over the place.

The heroine was like... okay, imagine if Scarlett Johansen was in a terrible accident, languished in a coma for years so that most of her looks wasted away, then woke up with massive brain damage and thusly was convinced to star in this piece of shit. Oh, she was awful, I would say she simpered but frankly I suspect such a thing was beyond this appalling actress whose name I cannot be bothered to look up.

Gary Oldman was fucking shameful - chewing so much scenery I'm surprised there was enough of a set remaining to shoot this poor excuse for a film on. I think someone should just euthanize Gary Oldman at this point - every time he's in a movie he embarrasses humanity with his failure.

The main love interest guy was the lovechild of Edward Cullen and Joaquin Phoenix, and I totally don't mean that as a good thing. I mean he was pasty, had a cubeshaped head and a face that was totally flat when seen in profile, had a stupid froofy haircut and thinks that sneering is an appropriate substitute for being able to portray emotion.

The lame CGI wolf was totally lame - it looked like a snaggle-toothed housecat. In fact, it looked exactly like my brother's cat, Tazzy, who is not scary at all and drools when he purrs.

Daniel Jackson and Colonel Tigh were in it too - Daniel Jackson was trying to be manly and failing, and Tigh was being drunk and yelling at dudes, which in fairness he did quite well, but it's not exactly new territory for him.

There were some gingers who Gary Oldman thought were the werewolves, but OBVIOUSLY they turned out not to be because gingers do not have souls and according to Gary Oldman, you need to give up your soul to become a werewolf. See that, Gary Oldman? I'm better at finding werewolves than you just from using your own logic. What a tardbeast.

Oh, also there was some fucking stupid medieval orgy thing involving Three Little Piggy masks and basically the whole thing sucked from start to finish.

Lukas Haas was in it, and he was really very good, as much as he could be with the weight of everyone elses retardation dragging him down, but it made me sad for him because he deserved to be in some other, better film with people who could act.

I'm going to go watch Trick r Treat now and be a little bit in love with Anna Paquin. Laurie would fuck all those villagers and CGI Tazwolves up if she had the chance. You should all probably watch Trick r Treat too, then we can all be in love with Anna Paquin together.
froodle: (Default)
Dudes, I just got back from seeing Red Riding Hood, and oh my God, it sucked a giant donkey schlong all over the place.

The heroine was like... okay, imagine if Scarlett Johansen was in a terrible accident, languished in a coma for years so that most of her looks wasted away, then woke up with massive brain damage and thusly was convinced to star in this piece of shit. Oh, she was awful, I would say she simpered but frankly I suspect such a thing was beyond this appalling actress whose name I cannot be bothered to look up.

Gary Oldman was fucking shameful - chewing so much scenery I'm surprised there was enough of a set remaining to shoot this poor excuse for a film on. I think someone should just euthanize Gary Oldman at this point - every time he's in a movie he embarrasses humanity with his failure.

The main love interest guy was the lovechild of Edward Cullen and Joaquin Phoenix, and I totally don't mean that as a good thing. I mean he was pasty, had a cubeshaped head and a face that was totally flat when seen in profile, had a stupid froofy haircut and thinks that sneering is an appropriate substitute for being able to portray emotion.

The lame CGI wolf was totally lame - it looked like a snaggle-toothed housecat. In fact, it looked exactly like my brother's cat, Tazzy, who is not scary at all and drools when he purrs.

Daniel Jackson and Colonel Tigh were in it too - Daniel Jackson was trying to be manly and failing, and Tigh was being drunk and yelling at dudes, which in fairness he did quite well, but it's not exactly new territory for him.

There were some gingers who Gary Oldman thought were the werewolves, but OBVIOUSLY they turned out not to be because gingers do not have souls and according to Gary Oldman, you need to give up your soul to become a werewolf. See that, Gary Oldman? I'm better at finding werewolves than you just from using your own logic. What a tardbeast.

Oh, also there was some fucking stupid medieval orgy thing involving Three Little Piggy masks and basically the whole thing sucked from start to finish.

Lukas Haas was in it, and he was really very good, as much as he could be with the weight of everyone elses retardation dragging him down, but it made me sad for him because he deserved to be in some other, better film with people who could act.

I'm going to go watch Trick r Treat now and be a little bit in love with Anna Paquin. Laurie would fuck all those villagers and CGI Tazwolves up if she had the chance. You should all probably watch Trick r Treat too, then we can all be in love with Anna Paquin together.
froodle: (Default)
OH FUCK OFF HEROES! I don't even know why I watch you anymore, you Pasdarless piece of shit. Having ripped off pretty much everything it could from the 4400, it's moved on to stealing wholesale from both BSG and Carnivale, except for the part where all of those shows were actually good and had storylines that made sense and characters you gave a damn about. Seriously, they've even got Tommy Dolan playing Sampson- oh, I'm sorry, "Samuel" - and sir, you are no Micheal Anderson. Also mean imaginary friend Sylar is not as badass as Clancy Brown and House-of-Mirrors spends-most-of-an-episode-crying-like-a-big-gay-baby Sylar is about a hundred million times less lovely than Nick Stahl. So in conclusion, I hate everyone and I'm going to watch Carnivale.

I think they should start stealing from Deadwood and then Ian McShane could guest-star and systematically slit everyones throats before feeding them to Mister Wu's piggies. COCKSUCKERS!
froodle: (Default)
OH FUCK OFF HEROES! I don't even know why I watch you anymore, you Pasdarless piece of shit. Having ripped off pretty much everything it could from the 4400, it's moved on to stealing wholesale from both BSG and Carnivale, except for the part where all of those shows were actually good and had storylines that made sense and characters you gave a damn about. Seriously, they've even got Tommy Dolan playing Sampson- oh, I'm sorry, "Samuel" - and sir, you are no Micheal Anderson. Also mean imaginary friend Sylar is not as badass as Clancy Brown and House-of-Mirrors spends-most-of-an-episode-crying-like-a-big-gay-baby Sylar is about a hundred million times less lovely than Nick Stahl. So in conclusion, I hate everyone and I'm going to watch Carnivale.

I think they should start stealing from Deadwood and then Ian McShane could guest-star and systematically slit everyones throats before feeding them to Mister Wu's piggies. COCKSUCKERS!
froodle: (Default)
Wah! I was trying to watch Eerie, Indiana today and my DVDs are totally wrecked and skippy. I'm so gutted! So then I tried to get over it by watching Hocus pocus, but it was not the same at all.

Anyway, now I'm watching the latest episodes of True Blood and oh my God, how much does Steve Newlin want to bone Jason? And Jason's all, yes, this is what God's love feels like, and I'm like, dude, no, that is what having your balls cupped by a religious insaniac feels like, and also, run away! Poor Jason. I love him. And he wears a clip-on, aww! So stylin'!

Also, Eric! "Do I have blood in my hair?" for the win! And SPOILER FOR THE START OF SEASON TWO ) yay! And Admiral Cain is in it, and she's totally awesome and terrifying and makes everyone crazy, and Sam is almost not-hatable. Yay!

On a completely seperate note, I think I have accidently turned my bunnies into junkies. See, Kagame keeps jumping out of her pen at night and running around knocking shit over and making a ton of noise, so lately I've started steeping a little valerian root in hot water and putting it in their drinking bottle in an attempt to get her to chill the fuck out. And they are definately more sedate, which is what I was going for, but now they drink like a litre and a half a day and they go really crazy everytime I fit a fresh bottle, like totally wrestling each other to get to it.

I should probably feel bad, but whatever, at least now I can sleep through the night and not have two stone of rabbit pile-drive me awake around 3am.
froodle: (Default)
Wah! I was trying to watch Eerie, Indiana today and my DVDs are totally wrecked and skippy. I'm so gutted! So then I tried to get over it by watching Hocus pocus, but it was not the same at all.

Anyway, now I'm watching the latest episodes of True Blood and oh my God, how much does Steve Newlin want to bone Jason? And Jason's all, yes, this is what God's love feels like, and I'm like, dude, no, that is what having your balls cupped by a religious insaniac feels like, and also, run away! Poor Jason. I love him. And he wears a clip-on, aww! So stylin'!

Also, Eric! "Do I have blood in my hair?" for the win! And SPOILER FOR THE START OF SEASON TWO ) yay! And Admiral Cain is in it, and she's totally awesome and terrifying and makes everyone crazy, and Sam is almost not-hatable. Yay!

On a completely seperate note, I think I have accidently turned my bunnies into junkies. See, Kagame keeps jumping out of her pen at night and running around knocking shit over and making a ton of noise, so lately I've started steeping a little valerian root in hot water and putting it in their drinking bottle in an attempt to get her to chill the fuck out. And they are definately more sedate, which is what I was going for, but now they drink like a litre and a half a day and they go really crazy everytime I fit a fresh bottle, like totally wrestling each other to get to it.

I should probably feel bad, but whatever, at least now I can sleep through the night and not have two stone of rabbit pile-drive me awake around 3am.
froodle: (Default)
Well, we didn't have to go to the Pig Show thing, thank God. I only like pigs if they are used to eat up human remains, and then only if they are in the care of a Chinese dude whose knowledge of the English language consists solely of the word "cocksucker".

So we went to York instead and walked around the National Railway Museum for about a hundred and forty years (I am totally not kidding, I'm pretty sure I died of old age twice while I was in there) and then we went "shopping," which pretty much means Mama Froodle dragged me around these ludicrously expensive and for the most part entirely ugly clothing stores and wittered at me about getting "a nice pair of flatties" and "some glamorous tops" - I should note at this point that to my mother, glamour equates to shoulder pads and sequins - and Papa Froodle jibbed on about getting me a digital camera, while I tried in vain to point out that books and DVDs and nice things from Lush, or, if we're talking big-ticket items, a sofa that is not held together with scotch tape and the Will of God, would be much more welcome.

Dudes, do anyone elses parents do that? Like, totally ignore what you actually want and what would actually be useful to you, and buy you random shit because they think you should want it, even after you've explained that you don't and in fact, have no use for it? Is this a normal parental thing or are my folks total freaks?

Anyway, we went to ASK for lunch, which was nice, although they felt compelled to lecture the waiter about how much better the Isle of Man is than England (LIE!) and then to Betty's for tea, and I got some China Rose Petal tea in a tin which was awesome, and then we came home.

In a little bit I might go and wash my face and then see if I feel like going to see the new Harry Potter movie - I kind of actually don't care at all about Harry Potter now, but the Froodle Brothers have abandoned me to go sky-diving and I fear the alternative is an evening with the parental units trying to explain that no, "I would like to watch Battlestar Galactica in peace" is not code for "Feel free to change the channel to that stupid cycling thing," failing, and then shoving them off the balcony in a fit of temper.
froodle: (Default)
Well, we didn't have to go to the Pig Show thing, thank God. I only like pigs if they are used to eat up human remains, and then only if they are in the care of a Chinese dude whose knowledge of the English language consists solely of the word "cocksucker".

So we went to York instead and walked around the National Railway Museum for about a hundred and forty years (I am totally not kidding, I'm pretty sure I died of old age twice while I was in there) and then we went "shopping," which pretty much means Mama Froodle dragged me around these ludicrously expensive and for the most part entirely ugly clothing stores and wittered at me about getting "a nice pair of flatties" and "some glamorous tops" - I should note at this point that to my mother, glamour equates to shoulder pads and sequins - and Papa Froodle jibbed on about getting me a digital camera, while I tried in vain to point out that books and DVDs and nice things from Lush, or, if we're talking big-ticket items, a sofa that is not held together with scotch tape and the Will of God, would be much more welcome.

Dudes, do anyone elses parents do that? Like, totally ignore what you actually want and what would actually be useful to you, and buy you random shit because they think you should want it, even after you've explained that you don't and in fact, have no use for it? Is this a normal parental thing or are my folks total freaks?

Anyway, we went to ASK for lunch, which was nice, although they felt compelled to lecture the waiter about how much better the Isle of Man is than England (LIE!) and then to Betty's for tea, and I got some China Rose Petal tea in a tin which was awesome, and then we came home.

In a little bit I might go and wash my face and then see if I feel like going to see the new Harry Potter movie - I kind of actually don't care at all about Harry Potter now, but the Froodle Brothers have abandoned me to go sky-diving and I fear the alternative is an evening with the parental units trying to explain that no, "I would like to watch Battlestar Galactica in peace" is not code for "Feel free to change the channel to that stupid cycling thing," failing, and then shoving them off the balcony in a fit of temper.
froodle: (Default)
Urgh. I had this whole post planned about how great True Blood is and about how Liamneeson has finally answered my prayers for a series about redneck vampires who don't fight crime or really do anything, but then I came on here and the sheer fugliness of the new profile page caused poison to drip from my eyes and now they burn with agony and I don't feel like it anymore.

ANYWAY! I hope everyone had lots of fun celebrating the holy trifecta of awesomeness that is Halloween-Bonfire Night-Froodle Day - I have been watching Battlestar Galactica and coming to the conclusion that every show should have one snarky scientist character, because Gaius makes everything so much better through his presence. I may even love him more than Rodney and Kevin, and that is very impressive because I love Rodney and Kevin so much and also neither of them ever accidently destroyed the human race, unlike Baltar. That scene where Gaeta is being a big gay liar and wrecking Badger's stragety of stragetic awesome and Gaius kicks off at him and he's like, "The whole fleet knows this man tried to stab me through the neck. And you missed! Butterfingers!" Favourite line of any episode of BSG, ever. And BSG is hardly short of brilliant lines. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed just so I have the opportunity to use it, but still.
froodle: (Default)
Urgh. I had this whole post planned about how great True Blood is and about how Liamneeson has finally answered my prayers for a series about redneck vampires who don't fight crime or really do anything, but then I came on here and the sheer fugliness of the new profile page caused poison to drip from my eyes and now they burn with agony and I don't feel like it anymore.

ANYWAY! I hope everyone had lots of fun celebrating the holy trifecta of awesomeness that is Halloween-Bonfire Night-Froodle Day - I have been watching Battlestar Galactica and coming to the conclusion that every show should have one snarky scientist character, because Gaius makes everything so much better through his presence. I may even love him more than Rodney and Kevin, and that is very impressive because I love Rodney and Kevin so much and also neither of them ever accidently destroyed the human race, unlike Baltar. That scene where Gaeta is being a big gay liar and wrecking Badger's stragety of stragetic awesome and Gaius kicks off at him and he's like, "The whole fleet knows this man tried to stab me through the neck. And you missed! Butterfingers!" Favourite line of any episode of BSG, ever. And BSG is hardly short of brilliant lines. I'm not saying I want to get stabbed just so I have the opportunity to use it, but still.
froodle: (bitch)
Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.

In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:

Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints

I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:

Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.

I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?

Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.

*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower.
froodle: (bitch)
Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.

In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:

Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints

I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:

Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.

I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?

Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.

*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower.
froodle: (Default)
So, FX have just announced that the sixth season of Nip/Tuck will be the last. I'm pretty much in favour of this, not because I have any issues with the show itself, but simply because there are so many shows that outstay their welcome and then what once was beautiful and pure becomes this evil-smelling swamp of ridiculous plots and shitty inconsistant characterization and dialogue so bad you want to gouge out your eyes from the sheer horror of it all.

Yeah, I still have issues relating to those last few seasons of Buffy.

But seriously, I think there should be some sort of law that if you want to extend your show beyond three seasons, you have to prove it won't suck beyond all measure before you're allowed to do it. Like, I'm sad that Deadwood is no more, but nothing like as sad as I would have been if it had degenerated into pointless crap involving mysically appearing kid sisters and Al becoming some whiny tardface with his stupid fake soul and lovebots and fucking annoying high school nerds gone Darkside...

Ahem. I'm sorry, I really will shut up about Buffy now.

But anyway, with Nip/Tuck going off the air, and what is most likely the end of my love affair with Bones, and this season of the Wire being the last (like Deadwood, an example of an awesome show that has the foresight to bow out gracefully and with lots of fake serial killings) it means I'm pretty much left with Numb3rs to fall back on. And BSG, of course, but that's not really light after-work viewing, and frankly not homoerotic at all.

And although The Bunk is of course awesome, I do not approve of how much more laid back Don is since starting therapy. I missed it the first time, as I was busy being relieved over the whole "Colby is not a filthy Communist spy" thing, but Don has not pistol-whipped anyone, hurled a suspect around an interrogation room or allowed Lou Diamond Phillips to torture people at all this season. I really do not approve. Bring back the old Don, who shouted at everyone and then shot a bunch of guys and looked serious! Charlie is adorable and Colby is burly and Larry is awesome, but seriously, I require more manly violence! Somebody recommend some shows with manly violence in them to me. Oh, and not any variation on CSI - fucking David Caruso's syphilis-raddled face has poisoned me against all forms of CSI forever. And not Supernatural either, for the same reason only substitute "Jared Padalecki" for "David Caruso".

God. Why is there not more Jericho? WHY YOU GUYS?! Okay, Jake Green never tied a bunch of hams to some guy so alligators would eat him, and he can't fight crime with maths, but he can fly planes and look sad, and I bet Mister Hawkins is the World Champion when it comes to pistol-whipping and the torture of suspects.

Goddamn you, television. Don't force me to entertain myself!
froodle: (Default)
So, FX have just announced that the sixth season of Nip/Tuck will be the last. I'm pretty much in favour of this, not because I have any issues with the show itself, but simply because there are so many shows that outstay their welcome and then what once was beautiful and pure becomes this evil-smelling swamp of ridiculous plots and shitty inconsistant characterization and dialogue so bad you want to gouge out your eyes from the sheer horror of it all.

Yeah, I still have issues relating to those last few seasons of Buffy.

But seriously, I think there should be some sort of law that if you want to extend your show beyond three seasons, you have to prove it won't suck beyond all measure before you're allowed to do it. Like, I'm sad that Deadwood is no more, but nothing like as sad as I would have been if it had degenerated into pointless crap involving mysically appearing kid sisters and Al becoming some whiny tardface with his stupid fake soul and lovebots and fucking annoying high school nerds gone Darkside...

Ahem. I'm sorry, I really will shut up about Buffy now.

But anyway, with Nip/Tuck going off the air, and what is most likely the end of my love affair with Bones, and this season of the Wire being the last (like Deadwood, an example of an awesome show that has the foresight to bow out gracefully and with lots of fake serial killings) it means I'm pretty much left with Numb3rs to fall back on. And BSG, of course, but that's not really light after-work viewing, and frankly not homoerotic at all.

And although The Bunk is of course awesome, I do not approve of how much more laid back Don is since starting therapy. I missed it the first time, as I was busy being relieved over the whole "Colby is not a filthy Communist spy" thing, but Don has not pistol-whipped anyone, hurled a suspect around an interrogation room or allowed Lou Diamond Phillips to torture people at all this season. I really do not approve. Bring back the old Don, who shouted at everyone and then shot a bunch of guys and looked serious! Charlie is adorable and Colby is burly and Larry is awesome, but seriously, I require more manly violence! Somebody recommend some shows with manly violence in them to me. Oh, and not any variation on CSI - fucking David Caruso's syphilis-raddled face has poisoned me against all forms of CSI forever. And not Supernatural either, for the same reason only substitute "Jared Padalecki" for "David Caruso".

God. Why is there not more Jericho? WHY YOU GUYS?! Okay, Jake Green never tied a bunch of hams to some guy so alligators would eat him, and he can't fight crime with maths, but he can fly planes and look sad, and I bet Mister Hawkins is the World Champion when it comes to pistol-whipping and the torture of suspects.

Goddamn you, television. Don't force me to entertain myself!
froodle: (Default)
Oh come on! How can the third season of Miami Vice not be out yet? Losers. I am going to sulk if I cannot spent Christmas day watching the Homoerotic Interracial Adventures of Sonny and Rico. And by "sulk", I mean "watch Battlestar Galactica and get gleeful about how pretty Dirk Benedict is", naturally.

In other news, Secret Santas are the stupidest thing ever invented. Oooh, let's all exchange meaningless gifts with people we don't actually like, and in return, we too will get a cheap and thoughtless gift that will get banished to the bottom of the wardrobe the minute we get home! And when you say you're not going to do it, everyone looks at you like you just pistol-whipped Santa, cut him into pieces and then fed him to a bunch of doe-eyed orphans on Christmas day. Honestly, this sort of force-fed faux festive jollity just makes me want to stab everyone.

On a rather less ranty note, I am astounded and appalled by the revelation that Doctor Billy was that mean bowling alley guy in Bones who threw the superhero kid who was dying of cancer off a roof. Man, you suck, Doctor Billy. Even Lucas would have... okay, Lucas would have laughed and laughed, and laughed some more, and then built laser cannons for tiny hamsters. But still, I am glad Dave and Bones kicked your ass.

Also, someone had better tape the Hogfather for me. I mean it. Even if all I do is moan about how the guy from Hustle is totally not the right choice for playing Mister Teatime, I want a copy.
froodle: (Default)
Oh come on! How can the third season of Miami Vice not be out yet? Losers. I am going to sulk if I cannot spent Christmas day watching the Homoerotic Interracial Adventures of Sonny and Rico. And by "sulk", I mean "watch Battlestar Galactica and get gleeful about how pretty Dirk Benedict is", naturally.

In other news, Secret Santas are the stupidest thing ever invented. Oooh, let's all exchange meaningless gifts with people we don't actually like, and in return, we too will get a cheap and thoughtless gift that will get banished to the bottom of the wardrobe the minute we get home! And when you say you're not going to do it, everyone looks at you like you just pistol-whipped Santa, cut him into pieces and then fed him to a bunch of doe-eyed orphans on Christmas day. Honestly, this sort of force-fed faux festive jollity just makes me want to stab everyone.

On a rather less ranty note, I am astounded and appalled by the revelation that Doctor Billy was that mean bowling alley guy in Bones who threw the superhero kid who was dying of cancer off a roof. Man, you suck, Doctor Billy. Even Lucas would have... okay, Lucas would have laughed and laughed, and laughed some more, and then built laser cannons for tiny hamsters. But still, I am glad Dave and Bones kicked your ass.

Also, someone had better tape the Hogfather for me. I mean it. Even if all I do is moan about how the guy from Hustle is totally not the right choice for playing Mister Teatime, I want a copy.
froodle: (Default)
Oh, that is it, Supernatural. You and I are just not friends anymore. You can take your two hot Winchesters and Sam and your misleading rumours of homoerotic exploits and get out of my life for good, because I do not like it when I have nightmares when by rights I should be having dreams about monkeys or something else good!

Fortunatly for me, I am the kind of girl who always has one or two irons in the fandom-fire, so I shall console my grief over my breakup with Dean and John by watching the second season of the Wire. And oh my God, Omar is my hero. The tie! And somebody finally putting that piece of shit Levy in his place, hoorah! Personally I was holding out for Rhonda bludgeoning him with a briefcase, but getting smacked down in front of an entire courtroom was so much more awesome. He has inspired me to take up robbing drug dealers for a living. Now, if only I knew where to find a) a shotgun and b) some drug dealers. You may be suprised to learn this information is not listed in the Yellow Pages.

In other news, Rome. I'm not saying it wasn't enjoyable, I'm just saying that the entire show can be summed up as "Ickle Midshipman Blakeney grows up and fucks his sister. But not, apparently, his great-uncle." I do love the whole Pullo/Vorenus thing, though - especially where Vorenus pimps him out to Cleopatra. Even in Ye Olde Tymes, pimping your friends is always good for a laugh.

On a completely unrelated note, I think everyone here should read the Varjak Paw books. Because if there were two things I would say makde the world a better place, it would be more Kung-fu cats and less Will Ferrell. I hate Will Ferrell.

I do, however, still love the Tribe, and especially Bray who has won my heart with his incredible campness. That scene after he finds Spike floating in the hotel pool, and the other Mallrats are like, "Gasp! Ebony!" and he's all, "But don't you think if she had killed him, she'd be bragging about it? Like, 'Don't mess with me!'" and then he actually does the finger-snap head-toss thing like he's Foxxie Love or whatever and oh my God it is just the most hilarious thing ever and I love him.

Anyway, little space-monkeys, I have a box of pastries here that aren't going to eat themselves, and the second season of Battlestar Galactica is calling to me, so farewell!
froodle: (Default)
Oh, that is it, Supernatural. You and I are just not friends anymore. You can take your two hot Winchesters and Sam and your misleading rumours of homoerotic exploits and get out of my life for good, because I do not like it when I have nightmares when by rights I should be having dreams about monkeys or something else good!

Fortunatly for me, I am the kind of girl who always has one or two irons in the fandom-fire, so I shall console my grief over my breakup with Dean and John by watching the second season of the Wire. And oh my God, Omar is my hero. The tie! And somebody finally putting that piece of shit Levy in his place, hoorah! Personally I was holding out for Rhonda bludgeoning him with a briefcase, but getting smacked down in front of an entire courtroom was so much more awesome. He has inspired me to take up robbing drug dealers for a living. Now, if only I knew where to find a) a shotgun and b) some drug dealers. You may be suprised to learn this information is not listed in the Yellow Pages.

In other news, Rome. I'm not saying it wasn't enjoyable, I'm just saying that the entire show can be summed up as "Ickle Midshipman Blakeney grows up and fucks his sister. But not, apparently, his great-uncle." I do love the whole Pullo/Vorenus thing, though - especially where Vorenus pimps him out to Cleopatra. Even in Ye Olde Tymes, pimping your friends is always good for a laugh.

On a completely unrelated note, I think everyone here should read the Varjak Paw books. Because if there were two things I would say makde the world a better place, it would be more Kung-fu cats and less Will Ferrell. I hate Will Ferrell.

I do, however, still love the Tribe, and especially Bray who has won my heart with his incredible campness. That scene after he finds Spike floating in the hotel pool, and the other Mallrats are like, "Gasp! Ebony!" and he's all, "But don't you think if she had killed him, she'd be bragging about it? Like, 'Don't mess with me!'" and then he actually does the finger-snap head-toss thing like he's Foxxie Love or whatever and oh my God it is just the most hilarious thing ever and I love him.

Anyway, little space-monkeys, I have a box of pastries here that aren't going to eat themselves, and the second season of Battlestar Galactica is calling to me, so farewell!
froodle: (Default)
Heh. I saw a sign today that said "Malik Car Insurance; if we can't do it, no-one can". Hey, boy's gotta make a living somehow. It's hard, being an ancient Egyptian god in today's society.

In other news, OMG Edward James Olmos is a ninja! All these years, I thought it was the stony glare of DOOM keeping everyone in place, but really, it was the knowledge that he could rip out their spleen and leap away over the rooftops with it. I don't know if this increases or decreases my respect for him; on the one hand, being a ninja is pretty awesome, but on the other, being able to shut up anyone from a handsome Vice detective to your drunkard XO, crazy Aztec priest to Asian drug baron, just by glaring at them, is also damn cool.

And finally, it is now time for more...



Read more... )
froodle: (Default)
Heh. I saw a sign today that said "Malik Car Insurance; if we can't do it, no-one can". Hey, boy's gotta make a living somehow. It's hard, being an ancient Egyptian god in today's society.

In other news, OMG Edward James Olmos is a ninja! All these years, I thought it was the stony glare of DOOM keeping everyone in place, but really, it was the knowledge that he could rip out their spleen and leap away over the rooftops with it. I don't know if this increases or decreases my respect for him; on the one hand, being a ninja is pretty awesome, but on the other, being able to shut up anyone from a handsome Vice detective to your drunkard XO, crazy Aztec priest to Asian drug baron, just by glaring at them, is also damn cool.

And finally, it is now time for more...



Read more... )

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