...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Tonight's episode of Luther, oh my God: ( Read more... )

Oh noes! Poor Atia! I keep forgetting to say this (because I am shallow and easily distracted by shouty menfolk in leather skirts) but I love Atia. She's such a cold-hearted, power-hungry, manipulative bitch - I wish I had the balls to be as much of a cunt as she is. And now she's in Egypt and Mark Anthony won't even see her and she's all sad and it's totally making me cry. And Octavia is all, "You suck, Mark Anthony!" Even Vorenus is extra-glary and distainful at his behaviour. For shame, Mark Anthony. Your tattoos and eyeliner may be beautiful beyond all reason, but meening on Atia is very unacceptable.

Alao, grown up!Octavian is a cock. He doesn't deserve to have been played by Ickle Midshipman Blakeney. Dick.

Thief Lord porn! With Princess Bride references, no less. Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does.

Watched Master & Commander this evening; I'd forgotten how much I adore that film, even if it is basically Tom Pullings' wet dream. The jokes, my God, the appalling yet hysterically funny jokes. Stephen being a pissy little bitch. Ickle Midshipman Blakeney, aww! The sealion that says "Argh!" Jack slagging off whalers in front of the head whaler dude. Poor, sad Tom and his unrequited Jacklove. Killick's cantankerous mutterings. Random appearence by a hobbit. And did I mention, the jokes? I thought I was going to die during that last scene; poor Stephen is handling his disappointment remarkably well for someone who is, as previously mentioned, a pissy little bitch, and Jack has to go and make that remark about flightless birds not going anywhere - it's hil-fucking-hairy-house, as we used to say back in college,

I am highly disturbed by the fact that Ickle Midshipman Blakeney appears in Rome, not only sexin' the ladies (well, a lady. Of the night.), being accused of homosexual trysts and playing the future Emperor of Rome. To quote the immutable Brother Johnathan: "How is he supposed to rule the civilised world? He's only got one arm!" Oh, Ickle Midshipman Blakeney.

Also disturbing is the fact that Kelso's dad is played by the guy who played Mars's dad in Eerie, Indiana. I'm not sure what this information means, but I do note that both boys have unnaturally shiny brown hair. Hmmm...

Hah! Not only is Clark's dad a spaceship, but he's also James D'Arcy's dad from that stupid film where he's a hacker and has to solve this demonic Rubix cube to avert the Apocalypse. Or something. Don't you just love genetics; one of them grows up to be Superman, the other becomes Tom "Stalker Extrordinairee" Pullings. Although actually, Clark is pretty stalkeriffic himself, and at least poor crazy Tom doesn't have to deal with Lana. So, Tom wins.

SCANDALACIOUS!

Why is there no Nicolas/Smike slash out there, ready to display itself in wanton poses at my very feet? I am disgusted with the whole world.

I've also decided to make my own film. It'll be called Space Pope: Defender of the Faith and in it, the Pope will fly around in a Space Helmet fighting Space Sin. The part of the Pope will be played by some old guy for the first few minutes, then, after Space Captain Jack (played by Russel Crowe, or, if he's not available, Stellen Skarsgård) rejuvinates him with the power of Space Magic, James D'Arcy.

Space Pope will also have two sidekicks, one a snarky Italian with long blonde hair, played by Craig Parker, the other a manly stubbled sort, possibly with a Scottish accent, probably played by an unknown. And yes, they will be working for a Sooper Sekrit Vatican Organisation. Unfortunatly, they'll be killed by a jiggly Space Nazi called Piggysaurus approximately ten minutes into the film. Fortunatly, Craig Parker will still show up throughout the film as a Space Ghost to snark at James D'Arcy and generally be smexsome, because unlike Peter Jackson, I am not a cruel Haldir-killing whore.

I'm not sure what happens after that, but I know it involves James D'Arcy and Colin Farrel having le fun du nekkid in the shower. Dominic Monaghan and Paul Bettany shall probably also be involved, although not necessarily all at the same time, and naturally there needs to be a Space Captain Jack versus Knavishly Uncool Mitten-Wearing Twat Hornblower sequence in there somewhere. Major Edrington survives, because he's Sam West and I like him. Archie dies, because that is the curse of Jamie Bamber.

My City Drive tat arrived today - obligatory band t-shirt and some cute little badges. Also included was a signed picture of the band, which is spiffy and stuck on the wall next to my autographed Tom Felton photo.

Today is the second day of Hexmas, known as Blakeneyday. To celebrate, Hex has given me a new icon to wear. Huzzah!

It's far too hot here. I have my feet in a bucket of iced water. Fucking summer.

Aah, looks like Big Wolf on Campus will be back next week. Must have been screwy half-term scheduling. Goddamn Fox.

Also, neglected to mention last night, the guy that plays Stan Shunpike in PoA is the guy who played Hollom in Master and Commander. That amuses me.

What does not amuse me is the recent spate of Angel is Fat jokes I have been subjected to lately. Miriglum, Hex, Jonathan: knock it the fuck off, you bastards.

Poor fat Angel. Steve will always love you.

Bought Peter Pan 2003 on DVD today. Woo! Boy-molesting fun for all. Though Peter is approximately 70% less molestable than Blakeney, this is only because Blakeney has broken all existing records for molestability. Patrick O'Brien, Max Pirkis, guy that did the casting on M&C: I salute you.

Did men wear socks in the Victorian days? Just a thought.

Continuing on the Sherlock Holmes vs the Scarlet Pimpernel debate, who would freak out faster:

Holmes when faced with a flirtatious Marguerite Blakeney, or the Pimpernel when faced with a flirtatious Watson?

Answers and death-threats on a postcard, please.

So, I have a Livejournal. Oh God. I feel so dirty.

Easter holidays are so boring.

I think I'll go watch Master and Commander again.

At least now I won't have to answer those stupid anti-spam challenges every time I want to leave an insulting message in Hex's journal.

That's just tickety-boo.