...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Well, well, well. Once again, I must apologise for leaving you bereft and Froodless for such a long time. In my defence, the last couple of weeks have been MADNESS, of the very best sort. Kicking off with THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER, in which I gave myself a headache with my Medusa costume, made myself sick by eating too many cakes, was asked to be a Godmother (mwahaha, the Church of Liamneeson lives!), actually got Trick-or-Treaters who weren't chavs, had a powercut on Halloween night, and took many pictures that will be used to embarrass my fellow revellers once they are staid and responsible parents. Although they can't be all that responsible, because really, who makes someone like me responsible for a childs' religious edutainment?

Laterwards, I and Snithy both succumbed to the wonders of Newly Hot David Boreanaz, in the guise of swoon-inducing FBI agent... uh, I forget what his name was, but it was stupid. Anyway, he's Totally Hot and shoots things and digs and threatens to shoot gender-ambiguous lab assistants for asking him about his sex life. Needless to say, it totally rules.

Then, as if such Halloweeny and David Boreanazy joy wasn't enough, it was my birthday, which I celebrated in the best tradition of Making People Buy Me Stuff, which was cool even though I didn't get a monkey or a dancing baby penguin. I did see the History Boys (awesome), the Prestige (stupid plot twist barely compensated for by having Hughverine and Batbale wear top hats) and the Departed (which would have been awesome if not for MAtt Damon, and when I say Matt Damon you have to imagine me saying it in the voice of the Matt Damon puppet from Team America, because that is exactly how I feel about Matt Damon.)

Also, I finally got around to watching Carnivale, which is... interesting. I feel bad for Libby, though; her mother's a whore, her father is weak and ineffectual and her sister is dead, and now I reckon Jonesy has a bit of a mancrush on Ben since the Laying On Of Hands. Also, Lodz is creepy. Like, way, way creepier than Brother Justin. Also, there should be more bears. Take a hint from Lost, writers; bears are awesome.

Also, Snithy, you will be gleeified to know that the cheque for Wicked is in the post, complete with deathly hamsters of death and possibly some lumberjacks, and that I have booked my ticket to... Cornwall or Colchester or wherever it is you live. And if your home town does not prove to be the pit of moonshine-swilling hillbillies I imagined it to be, I will be most displeased.

Okay, that Artz guy on Lost randomly exploding? Hi-larious. Possibly even funnier than Anakin becoming a quadruple amputee or Samuel L Jackson being eaten by a shark. There should be more shows where people blow up for no reason at all. Also where they all get turned into My Little Ponies. Sawyer would make such a cute My Little Pony.

On a related note, although I am in general not fond of kids in shows about grown-up people, Charlie chasing Sawyer around the island with Claire's baby and making Sawyer read carporn to him is so damn cute, I think I might die. Although that may well be because of the afore-mentioned Sawyer-reads-carporn, rather than baby-cuteness.

In other news, XME! Hurrah! I've only seen the first episode so far, but that bit where Todd and Wanda are in the news van and they're watching the tape of the Sentinal falling on Magneto and they see Pietro on the recording and Todd's like, "Pietro! But that means-" and Wanda's all, "Magneto is still alive!" and Todd gives her this look like, "I was about to say 'he betrayed us all', but let's make this all about your Daddy issues, Princess." But obviously he doesn't say that because he's all in love with Wanda, and also she's kind of cranky and mean and stupidly over-powered.

Usually it's pretty cool when you discover that people around you are into something you're just getting interested in - they can tell you stuff and you can borrow their DVDs and laugh about bad things happening to Sawyer together. But then you feel bad because they have Big Important Theories about stuff and they're all like, "the Island represents Purgatory" and then proceed to explain why this means you are not, alas, free from Boone, King of Monobrows, because nobody dies in Purgatory, and you're sitting there thinking, "Man, I would so do Naveen Andrews" and that represents your entire contribution to the fandom.

Also, the Others. Pretty much Reavers, am I right? Only Reavers with a grudge against French people, so good Reavers, insofar as this is possible. Useful, Alliance-slaying movie!Reavers, rather than mean series!Reavers with creepy interior decorating skills.

In other news, my rota is all messed up again and so I have to work this weekend, which combined with the fact that I forgot to ask someone to record the A-Team Reunion Special last night means that someone is going to die. And by "someone" I mean "a bunch of homeless people because nobody cares about them".

On a lighter note, PlayUSA emailed me to let me know that the third season of XME should be winging it's way to me in the near future, so expect much babbling about Pietro and Lance in the coming weeks.

Okay, okay, that episode where the mean piggy has an ongoing grudge match with Sawyer? Officially the funniest thing ever. And Sayid is all, *mockitymock* and Sawyer's like, BITCHOMGFLAIL! and then Locke tells this completely unrelated story about how one time, his sister fell off some monkeybars and turned into a labrador and it has nothing to do with anything and oh my God, it is so awesome.

Also, why has it taken this long for me to discover that there is a film called "I Was A Teenage Vampire"? I'm disappointed in everyone I have ever known for not informing me of this fact before now. Yes, that includes all of you, FList. Hang your heads in shame!

I always thought Lost was confusing to me because I only ever saw random episodes at a friend's house or when I was home for a weekend, and because the only person I know who's really into it is Jonathan, whose skill at explaining things so incoherently that it leaves the listener more baffled than before outstrips even my own ("It's like a proper devil island! And there's people and stuff. Oh, and polar bears, and there's like, this hole in the ground and it's fully messed up..."). But now I realise, it's because it makes absolutely no fucking sense. I've given up trying to follow the plotlines and am going to content myself with giggling over Charlie and perving on Sawyer and Sayid. And Sawyer/Sayid. And Sayid/Sawyer and pretty much any variations on that theme.

And speaking of Sawyer, what is he, like Lost's answer to Trowa Barton? Or possibly Yuki, on account of them sharing anti-Trowa tendancies like having nice hair and actual personalities. But seriously, what is this mindset of "Oh hey, you know that guy who totally ruined my life? Yeah, I'm going to take his name. That'll show him, the rapist/shyster/rich boy scum!" Christ Almighty, go to a therapist already.

But, fuck it, right? Because ultimately it's all about the hot men, which Lost has in spades. And by "in spades", I mean "three of". Because Boone is a whiny metrosexual who fancies his own sister, and Jack has stupid hair and makes this weird chicken-face when he's sad.

Now, I'm not shallow enough to claim that homoerotic tussling between two hot boys, a couple of hours of Drawn Together and a mug of hot chocolate are enough to erase the pain of my recent bereavement but neither will I pretend that it didn't help. Besides, at least I can take comfort in my faith... or can I?



( Read more... )