...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Okay, that Artz guy on Lost randomly exploding? Hi-larious. Possibly even funnier than Anakin becoming a quadruple amputee or Samuel L Jackson being eaten by a shark. There should be more shows where people blow up for no reason at all. Also where they all get turned into My Little Ponies. Sawyer would make such a cute My Little Pony.

On a related note, although I am in general not fond of kids in shows about grown-up people, Charlie chasing Sawyer around the island with Claire's baby and making Sawyer read carporn to him is so damn cute, I think I might die. Although that may well be because of the afore-mentioned Sawyer-reads-carporn, rather than baby-cuteness.

In other news, XME! Hurrah! I've only seen the first episode so far, but that bit where Todd and Wanda are in the news van and they're watching the tape of the Sentinal falling on Magneto and they see Pietro on the recording and Todd's like, "Pietro! But that means-" and Wanda's all, "Magneto is still alive!" and Todd gives her this look like, "I was about to say 'he betrayed us all', but let's make this all about your Daddy issues, Princess." But obviously he doesn't say that because he's all in love with Wanda, and also she's kind of cranky and mean and stupidly over-powered.

Usually it's pretty cool when you discover that people around you are into something you're just getting interested in - they can tell you stuff and you can borrow their DVDs and laugh about bad things happening to Sawyer together. But then you feel bad because they have Big Important Theories about stuff and they're all like, "the Island represents Purgatory" and then proceed to explain why this means you are not, alas, free from Boone, King of Monobrows, because nobody dies in Purgatory, and you're sitting there thinking, "Man, I would so do Naveen Andrews" and that represents your entire contribution to the fandom.

Also, the Others. Pretty much Reavers, am I right? Only Reavers with a grudge against French people, so good Reavers, insofar as this is possible. Useful, Alliance-slaying movie!Reavers, rather than mean series!Reavers with creepy interior decorating skills.

In other news, my rota is all messed up again and so I have to work this weekend, which combined with the fact that I forgot to ask someone to record the A-Team Reunion Special last night means that someone is going to die. And by "someone" I mean "a bunch of homeless people because nobody cares about them".

On a lighter note, PlayUSA emailed me to let me know that the third season of XME should be winging it's way to me in the near future, so expect much babbling about Pietro and Lance in the coming weeks.

I have come to the conclusion that Big Wolf on Campus could not be any gayer if it tried. There are films containing actual gay sex that are less gay than this show. Also, that episode with Tommy's evil alter-ego, where he's watching Jerry Springer or whatever with Dean, and he laughs at one of the guests and says "Loser! No wonder your birth mother didn't want you"?

I wish I knew someone who was adopted just so I could say that to them.

In other news, it needs to hurry up and be May 25 already. I need me some fine Wolveriney goodness. Also the Thief Lord and Miami Vice need to come out really soon and shut up Helen Colin Farrell is not anybody's bitch!

Big Wolf on Campus makes Miami Vice references! It can't be natural to be as pleased by this as I am, but come on, "Next week we'll be discussing the rise and fall of Don Johnson"? Mr D, you are my hero even if you do eat cute monkeys and pick fights with teenaged boys dressed as Micheal Jackson!

In other news, my Gay Pirate Book* has arrived, courtesy of Liam Neeson and Royal Mail, along with the second season of Miami Vice (OMG, that dude stole his Ferrari! Kill him, Elvis!) and the first season of Drawn Together. Not that this prevented me splurging on the Chronicals of Narnia boxset in Computer Exchange and discussing the Neverending Story with the cashier, but still, that should satisfy my entertainment needs until the third season of XM:E comes out.

*Captain Hook: the Adventures of a Notorious Youth, by JV Hart and illustrated by the guy who illustrates the Lemony Snicket books. I'm on a Peter Pan kick this week.

Hahahaaaah, Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does. Behold! Sexy, sexy Lietro just for me! I am the most awesome person in the world EVAR!

...okay, not really, I accidently clicked the word "Lietro" in my interests list thinking it was a community and it brought that up. But still, gift from God!

In other news, I think there may be some kind of secret rule that you have to cross Brokeback Mountain with absolutely every other fandom in the world. At least the ones with a slash contingent. See, for example, the latest additions to Kenobi Explains. Although I seriously will cry if anyone turns Scip into a Big Gay Cowboy.

Oh, and you know who sucks? The Duke of Freid. "Yes, I think I'll just stupidly kill myself and leave the faate of my kingdom in the hands of my five-year-old son, who, while very cute, is a) five years old and b) related to Allen and therefore probably retarded, and in any case is totally not capable of standing up to Folken's sneaky and sinister ways." I did, however, have hysterics when he's on the battlefield all like, "Rargh, you're rubbish Zaibach! I challenge you to come and fight me!" and the Zaibach archers are like, *ZING* and he's all like, *dies*. And his bright yellow 'melef, what the hell was that about? That's so much worse than Dilandau and his Big Gay Alseides of DOOM. And Allen being all like, "No Van, you can't fight Dilandau, I have to fight him!" and Van's all, "Allen, you have no arms! Back the fuck down, bitch!" and Allen's like, *Hmph, I shall toss my hair in a disgruntled yet manly fashion!" and Van's like, "Whatever." But I don't care because OMG DRYDEN! So awesome!

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Magneto was voiced by Christopher Judge? As in, the Christopher Judge? As in Head?! I think my brain has exploded from the incomprehensibility of ickle Pietro and Teal'c being related. Man, and I thought it was hard taking Kurt and Scott seriously when all I can hear every time they open their mouths is Quatre and Trowa.

In other news, possibly the worst thing about revisiting old fandoms is the fact that all those links you painstakingly amassed back in the day are now mostly defunct, and you're left screaming at the heavens that you want your fucking Lietro porn back right the hell now, do you hear me Liam Neeson?! But then you realise that you can preorder the entire third season on Amazon, and that love, betrayal and Pietro being bitchslapped with an armchair will be yours to own in a relivately short while, and you feel loved once again.

Aww man, Rollo Weeks was in the Little Vampire. Now I really am going to kill myself. Or maybe go back in time and stop him from starring in shitty movies that I watched because I had a crush on various leading actors (Richard E. Grant, you freaks, not that stupid little brat from Jerry Maguire). But then it would be like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer keeps going back in time and changing the course of history in unexpected and disturbing ways, and when I got back to 2006, Scipio would be played by Daniel Radcliffe and Jake Lloyd would be playing Bo, and I'd be like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and Hayden Christensen would cry because everyone gets to say that line except him. You want some ointment for that burn, Hayden Christensen?

In other news, whenever I hear that Darren Hayes song, "Creeping Up On You", it totally reminds me of Pietro and Sp-ke from X-Men: Evolution. I'm not sure when Sp-ke made the transition from "annoying X Tard with lame powers, stupid hair and stupider name" to "stalker", but there you go. Man, I love that show. I wish the WB had released all of it on DVD - I want to see Lance randomly bitchslapping Pietro with an armchair and Pyro watching that video of Magneto bite it over and over while giggling psychotically and that old guy glomping Toad in the subway again. Sigh. I bet it'll be like Gargoyles or EI and it'll get released when I'm like, forty, and I'll be all, "I remember when this first aired" and my many cats will be like, "Whatever. Feed us tuna now plzkthx."

Watching Spiderman 2 last night, and it suddenly hits me:

Wait a minute, you can't play football on the moon! The ball would float away!

Feel slightly embarrassed, since I've seen this movie about ten times and have only just realised this fact. In my defence, was probably because everything that happened before then was eclipsed by Harry bitchslapping Peter in a hilariously Pietroesque fashion and then glistening at the camera. Oh Harry. You tart.

Well, that wasn't so bad.

Managed to cook a full roast beef dinner without poisoning anyone. Fucked up a bit when I forgot Jess didn't drink red wine, and the beef was kinda crunchy on the outside, but they were very sweet and pretended it was a coating I'd put on.

James was being annoying and diet-having, and refused to eat chocolate and raspberry tart that I painstakingly bought from Tescos. Was forced to mock him with it's delicious chocolatey goodness. But not too much, because he did bring a pirate copy of Spiderman 2 for us to watch.

Thoughts on Spiderman 2:

Kirsten Dunst has not made a decent film since Interview with the Vampire in 1994. Thus she should be shot and killed.

Octavius = sex.

Tobey Maguire is still a prick.

Harry is very pretty.

Doctor Connors! Wonder if we'll be seeing his crocodile-self in later movie.

However, since next film will be Spiderman vs Harry!Goblin, shall not be going to see it due to hatred of the Green Goblin. Grr.

The slap scene! Ha! Harry thinks he's Pietro from X-Men: Evolution.

The scene with bondage!Spiderman and Harry and the couch and the fire... all so hilarious and delightfully inappropriate.

Did I mention Octavius = sex?