...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

SCANDALACIOUS!

Why is there no Nicolas/Smike slash out there, ready to display itself in wanton poses at my very feet? I am disgusted with the whole world.

I've also decided to make my own film. It'll be called Space Pope: Defender of the Faith and in it, the Pope will fly around in a Space Helmet fighting Space Sin. The part of the Pope will be played by some old guy for the first few minutes, then, after Space Captain Jack (played by Russel Crowe, or, if he's not available, Stellen Skarsgård) rejuvinates him with the power of Space Magic, James D'Arcy.

Space Pope will also have two sidekicks, one a snarky Italian with long blonde hair, played by Craig Parker, the other a manly stubbled sort, possibly with a Scottish accent, probably played by an unknown. And yes, they will be working for a Sooper Sekrit Vatican Organisation. Unfortunatly, they'll be killed by a jiggly Space Nazi called Piggysaurus approximately ten minutes into the film. Fortunatly, Craig Parker will still show up throughout the film as a Space Ghost to snark at James D'Arcy and generally be smexsome, because unlike Peter Jackson, I am not a cruel Haldir-killing whore.

I'm not sure what happens after that, but I know it involves James D'Arcy and Colin Farrel having le fun du nekkid in the shower. Dominic Monaghan and Paul Bettany shall probably also be involved, although not necessarily all at the same time, and naturally there needs to be a Space Captain Jack versus Knavishly Uncool Mitten-Wearing Twat Hornblower sequence in there somewhere. Major Edrington survives, because he's Sam West and I like him. Archie dies, because that is the curse of Jamie Bamber.

Parental units just left. Have had fucking awful earache since Friday night. Completely deaf in left ear, sense of balance monumentously fucked up, pain is stopping me from sleeping and normally shitty mood is worse than ever. Suspect fact that all this coincided with their arrival is not random. Have to register at the LSMP tomorrow, something I have avoided doing for over two years since I came to Leeds. Will probably catch something worse as a result of being exposed to filthy disgusting students.

Shall update when feeling better. In meantime, shall amuse self by looking at stick-figure pictures of Anderson on DevArt.

Jess's birthday. Went to see Sky Captain, which was pretty good, although I did keep imagining Pip from Hellsing whenever Jude Law was on screen, which probably helped a lot.

The robot assassin with Darth Maulish qualities reminded me of Jheira from that episode of Angel where Angel does the Angeldance at the start and the end. Or "She", as it is sometimes known. Wonder if it was the same person.

Period cramps kicked in halfway through movie, so was forced to forgo trip to James's unbelievably stuck-up gym in fucking Bradford afterwards. Shame. Still, I thought "I have period cramp and I want to go home and lie on my bed with a hot water bottle and listen to Art Garfunkel" was much more diplomatic than "You're being so fucking annoying that if I don't leave right now, I'm likely to kick you in the nuts so hard, you'll be swallowing with three Adams apples." So props to me, and to John Connelly, who I totally stole that line from.

Also, general rule: don't ever give me advice on dealing with period pain. There's a very real possibility that I'll uncurl from my huddled ball of agony on the floor long enough to castrate you.

Aha, sneaked in one minute before midnight. Do I rule or what?

Finally got around to watching Samurai Deeper Kyo dvds I've had since January - was initially put off because Kyoshiro reminded me a bit too much of Carrot from Sorcerer Hunters. Luckily for me, Demon Eyes Kyo takes over his body fairly quickly and runs around being badass for much of the series.

(Note: Froodle has only seen up to episode 18; anyone who tells her what happens in the last two volumes will be hunted down like a rabid dog)

Generally, would be much improved by getting rid of the Kenyo/Kanyo/big stupid monsters with big stupid monster voices and just having Kyo fight regular human baddies. Well, not regular exactly, but not big stupid monsters. Almost had a heart attack at one point in the series:

Random big stupid monster: Grr! Little gay general bloke! You are very powerful! Are you a Kanyo?
Me: Nooooooooooooooooo!
Little gay general bloke: No, I am too cool and pretty.
Me: Phew.

That bloke with one red and one blue eye (Miguel? Migelia?) sounds like Antonio Banderas. When he introduced himself, part of me was expecting "I am PUSS! ... in boots."

Akira is a pervy Kyo fanboy. He's well going to molest Kyo's body if Kyo doesn't get it back. Was pissing myself during that bit where he finds Kyo's body in the ice and is all, "My Lord Kyo... *rubrubgrind*" and Yuya is like, *disturbed face*.

Kyo looks like Garv from Slayers Try. Seriously. I think it's the hair.

Speaking of which, have just realised that the woman who does Yuya's voice is the same woman who played Amelia in Slayers and Ash in Pokemon. I knew there was a reason she pissed me off.

Kyo/Kyoshiro is played by the guy who was Mikage - aka the older of the two little gay dead boys in the basement - in Utena. That makes me laugh.

Kyo!Kyoshiro looks like OVA Kenshin, only not as ugly.

DVDs as a whole could do with some liner notes. I likes me liner notes. They make me feel all knowledgable. There are some funny moments in the outtakes, mixed in with the usual line-flubbing. personal favourites:

Sasuke: I recognise those nuts!

Yuya: Is what that woman says true? Did you really kill her sister?
Kyo: Whiny bitch has gotta blame someone. Oops, that's not what he says...

Still, nothing comes close to the outtakes on the first Orphen dvds:

David Matranga (as Orphen): Oh, shut up, Hilary. You're just jealous because I'm the fucking lead in this show and you're a sexually ambiguous troll!
Spike Spencer (as Majik): Don't get too full of yourself, Matranga. Remember, I was Shinji, the lead in Evangelion.
DM: Just like you Spike, living in the past.

Matranga-as-Orphen: *hysterical wailing and sobbing during what is supposed to be a "single manly tear" scene*
Spike-as-Majik: Good god, get a grip David. You're such a ham.
Matranga-as-Orphen: *more wailing*
Spike-as-Majik: Just because the show is named after you doesn't mean it's a soliloquy. Shelley and I get just as much fanmail as you!
Shelley Calene-Black-as-Cleo: Mmm-hmm.

Random bloke: And only one person came to Cape Day and they... spontaneously combusted! *cries*
Orphen: I wish I had been invited to Cape Day.

Majik: Mathter, Mathter, don't, no don't you do it, that man saved us, me and Cleo both, we think he'th a thweetie!

Leki (little blue magical puppy thing that follows Cleo around): I hate this fucking kid. Get in the fucking pot! *jumps on kid's head* Grr!

Leki: I'm going to eat you.

Leki: White trash bitch.

Stephanie *in deep man's voice*: Easy there, David. I'm just... not that kind of girl.
Matranga: You know, Karen does a much better job in this role.

Spike-as-Majik: I can't do this any more! The fans say you change the script too much! You're evil! *runs away crying*
Cleo: He's right!
Spooky wizard bloke: I know the script is different from the original, but Orphen was being groomed for TV! There's no lesbian subtext in Sailor Moon anymore, no blood or booze in Outlaw Star... listen, I'll make it up to you. From now on every disc will have five episodes instead of three, and they'll all stick closer to the original script! Rarr!
Matranga-as-Orphen: Okay, so we're going to stick closer to the translation. Just don't make me say those stupid spells, alright? The only one who can pull that off is Helen Mirran in Excaliber.
Stephanie-in-spooky-wizard-bloke's-voice: I know, David, but they do sound good in Japanese.
Matranga-as-Orphen: They can watch the subtitled version. That's what it's there for.

(I guess he got over his spell-hatred, since he manages Sanzo's incantations in Saiyuki)

Also: Sasuke is Hakkai. Regular Hakkai, not Surfer Hakkai, but it's still too much Hakkai for my liking.

On the subject of Hakkai, how much is Akabane/Dr Jackal from Get Backers the bastard offspring of him and Alucard from Hellsing? You know it's true.

Need to get me those last 2 volumes of SDK. Sigh... so much anime, so little cash.

Man, I'm a dork.

It's been rainy and cold all day here. Am in much better mood as a result. Also have Lost Boys soundtrack - aaah, 80's goodness. To celebrate, recs:

Senkobunny writes some mighty fine Hellsing slash, both Jan/Luke and Alucard/Luke. Go. Read.

Melrose Naboo has been around for years, and inactive (alas) since 2001. However, it remains the funniest Star Wars site I have ever seen.

I urge everyone to read The Adventures of Puppy Boy and Pointy Face. Genius. Then go back and read all of Domestic Piranhas.

Like "Kim Possible"? Like Kim Possible slash? Then check out the LJ of therealmoebius. Now with Mystical Monkey Lovin'!

Also, today is the birthday of Moomin creator Tove Jansson. Thus, this day shall henceforth be known as Tove Jansson Day.