...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

SCANDALACIOUS!

Why is there no Nicolas/Smike slash out there, ready to display itself in wanton poses at my very feet? I am disgusted with the whole world.

I've also decided to make my own film. It'll be called Space Pope: Defender of the Faith and in it, the Pope will fly around in a Space Helmet fighting Space Sin. The part of the Pope will be played by some old guy for the first few minutes, then, after Space Captain Jack (played by Russel Crowe, or, if he's not available, Stellen Skarsgård) rejuvinates him with the power of Space Magic, James D'Arcy.

Space Pope will also have two sidekicks, one a snarky Italian with long blonde hair, played by Craig Parker, the other a manly stubbled sort, possibly with a Scottish accent, probably played by an unknown. And yes, they will be working for a Sooper Sekrit Vatican Organisation. Unfortunatly, they'll be killed by a jiggly Space Nazi called Piggysaurus approximately ten minutes into the film. Fortunatly, Craig Parker will still show up throughout the film as a Space Ghost to snark at James D'Arcy and generally be smexsome, because unlike Peter Jackson, I am not a cruel Haldir-killing whore.

I'm not sure what happens after that, but I know it involves James D'Arcy and Colin Farrel having le fun du nekkid in the shower. Dominic Monaghan and Paul Bettany shall probably also be involved, although not necessarily all at the same time, and naturally there needs to be a Space Captain Jack versus Knavishly Uncool Mitten-Wearing Twat Hornblower sequence in there somewhere. Major Edrington survives, because he's Sam West and I like him. Archie dies, because that is the curse of Jamie Bamber.

Oooh! Lupin and Sirius day today. Feeeeel their canonical love.

In other news... I have no other news. Still haven't finished packing. Still too hot. Also sleepy.

Watched 'Cambridge Spies' last night - Sam West's bizarre conversation about socks is made even stranger by the fact that it takes place while he's in bed with another man.

Continuing with my time-travel ponderings, I'd also go and see an Adam Ant concert or three.

Watching the second series of 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' with Richard E. Grant. Sniff. Poor Percy.

Don't like it as much as the first series, due to lack of naked Jamie Bamber, small boys singing about guillotines, Marguerite, that one French dude , and...

Okay, to put it another way, the only good things about this series are:

1. Richard E. Grant
2. Robespierre

Yeah, that's it.

Also, the kid that played Jack in 'The Last Vampyre' was the Comte de Claris de Florian in 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' and Peter in the same version of 'Voyage of the Dawntreader' that had Sam West play Caspian.

You know, this might be why I can't remember any cases or statutes for my exams - my brain-attic is full of useless movie-related trivia.

Just got back from seeing Van Hellsing.

Sam West was in it, so it gets ten points from me just for that. Thought David Wenham was a little over-the-top as the uber-dorky science-genius-friar-sidekick bloke, but it did get a few giggles ("I'm a veritable cornucopia of talent" stands out). Dracula's brides were very camp, cheesy horror - they got on my nerves. Kate Beckinsdale was, suprisingly enough, quite bearable in her 'token love-interest' capacity and also looked several degrees of hot that outfit.

The oh-my-brother-is-a-werewolf-boo-hoo-don't-kill-him element was predictable and over-done - frankly, I couldn't wait for the silly bastard to get electrocuted. Dracula himself seemed to go from being cool and understated to hammy and annoying and back again several times in the film, but on balance, I think he tips the scales in the 'cool' section.

Mr. Hyde - meh. I liked the accent, and let's face it, the CGI Hyde was a lot better than the makeup on the LXG version of the character, but it was still kind of lame and unconvincing, not to mention, did we really need to see the builder's crack during that scene? I suggest not.

Igor and Frankenstein's creature were neither here nor there for me - I can pretty much take or leave them, though I did get a laugh out of Igor chasing Sidekickimir with a cattle prod.

The scene with Van Hellsing and Anna in the room full of Dracula's reanimated spawn seemed to be lifted straight out of the 1998 version of Godzilla, and also had elements of Gremlins 2: the New Batch. Not to mention, you'd think Dracula might have stopped to think, 'Hey, releasing thousands and thousands of mini vampire Gremlin thingies into the world is really going to mess with my food supply, maybe I shouldn't do this...', but I guess not.

Despite all that, I still thought it was niftykeen, and will probably go to see it again.

Also, Hugh Jackman was very good - there were some Wolverine-esque moments, but all in all, I was impressed by his performance. I want a doll of him now...