...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

It's here, it's here, it's fucking here! Six days after Play emailed me to let me know it had been dispatched, I now hold in my hands the deliciously molesterable Rollo Weeks a copy of the Thief Lord movie. YES! Hot underage boylove is mine in both fullscreen and widescreen formats. Sadly, the deleted scenes failed to include a Scipio/Prosper snogfest, but I don't care, because I know it happened and that's all that matters.

I was wondering how they were going to handle the after-effects of the roundabout, and I gotta say, that thing with using the original actors voices as their child-selves was just retarded. Especially Barbarossa - even leaving aside the fact that that kid looked like the Anti-Christ (and not a cute Anti-Christ like Adam Young or Damien in the first two Omen movies), that voice would have made any sane person run for the hills. But then again, the movie!Esther and Max were fucking psychotic, so it's probably a fair match.

Speaking of Adam Young, Jasper Harris? Bang on the money. If they ever get around to making Good Omens into a film, dear God, let him be cast. He's such a cutie; that whole "You forgot something important; it's under my jumper... it's me!" made me want to hug him and feed him sugar cookies and let him play with William Bullock in the land of Kids Who Are Just Too Damn Cute For My Black Heart To Withstand. They can throw rocks at Jake Lloyd and that stupid kid from the BSG mini-series from where they sit in the ajoining land of Kids I Hate And Should Be Thrown Out Of Airlocks After Being Eaten By A Fucking Annoying Robodog. What the hell was going on with Bo hallucinating about those animals, though? Uh, Prop, I think someone's been slipping your kid brother LSD on the sly...

For some reason, Vanessa Redgrave - who is in the film for like, twenty seconds - is the only cast member named on the back of the case, presumably because it's better than writing "starring that dude who was in the Scarlet Pimpernel and a bunch of Hornblower alumni that you've probably never heard of unless you're a total nerd who whores for Jamie Bamber in breeches". But seriously, what the hell? Why not just write "cast of rising young stars", because I guaran-fucking-tee, we'll be hearing from Rollo Weeks again when I kidnap him for my own depraved purposes and his parents start a campaign to rescue their poor, sweet child from my clutches.

More to come later on meeting John Connolly, the second season of Deadwood, and why Dan Dority needs to marry me like right the hell now.

A delicious and Jamie Bamber-themed day. It is probably a testement to his skill as an actor that despite my intense love for him, I still find Lee Adama unbelievably annoying. Every time he gets upset he makes this face like... okay, have you watched Team America? The scene where Gary is infiltrating the terrorist meeting and he's in the Jeep being chased by TA and he's making that danger signal that is basically him waving his arms and making spaztic faces? That is what Lee looks like every time he tries to have an emotion. A retarded puppet.

Also am highly amused that Gaius is in the Scarlet Pimpernel, sporting exactly the same greasy mop of hair that he does in BSG.

Black Angel, John Connolly's latest Charlie Parker book, comes out a week today. Woo! Also, he's going to be doing a booksigning in Leeds on May 10. Double woo!

Have just realised I have two three-hour exams on the same day. Boo.

Didn't pick up my maintenance grant because queue in the Accounts office was huge and full of retarded people who don't know how to form a line. Double boo.

Had Foucauldian law today - we were talking about the relationship of the concepts of "power" and "knowledge". Julie was explaining that the reason it's written "Power/Knowledge" in Foucauldian texts is because the two are inextricably linked, and one cannot exist without the other. All I could think of was that it sounded like really cliche fanfiction, and I kept snickering quietly to myself for about twenty minutes.

Watched "Shindig" last night - adore the scene where Badger is explaining about the fancy ball to Mal and Jayne:

Badger: You can't get an invite for diamonds the size of testicles, but I've got my hands on a couple.
Mal and Jayne: *gigglegiggle*
Badger: Of invites!

In other news, although I am not generally in favour of movies being made of books I like, if there was ever a movie made of the Discworld novels, Ronan Vibert (Robespierre in the Scarlet Pimpernel tv series) would rock so hard as Vetinari.

*grumble*

My Highlander DVDs are still not here. Where are you, Highlander DVDs?! I need my Duncan fix. Also, I thoroughly plan on lending them to Alan, thus indirectly forcing Jessica to watch them and getting revenge for the time she made me watch an hour-long special of Emmerdale. As Robespierre would say, "Mwaha."

On the other hand, do have shiny Firefly and Shooters to edutain myself with in the meantime. Jess immediately zeroed in on Shooters:

Jessica: Isn't this that film with Gerry Butler in nothing but a towel?
Froodle: *shamefaced* Yes...
Jessica: You are so sad.
Froodle: ...wait a minute, how did You know about the towel? I never mentioned it to you.
Jessica: Err...
Froodle: *triumphant "A-ha!" pose of denouncementification* Ha! You've watched it too!
Jessica: It's your fault! You're a bad influence!
Froodle: Hey, I actually like British gangster films. That makes you waaaay more sad than me. Also you're totally cheating on Colin Firth.
Jessica: *snooty sniff* It was a moment of weakness. It means nothing!
Froodle: Colin Firth hates you now.
Jessica: Are you going to put it on or not?
Froodle: Ooh, I don't think I should encourage you to go down this slippery path.
Alan: Yeah, she might turn into you.
Froodle: Well, I never!

In the end we watched the first few episodes of Firefly instead. Reactions can be summerized thusly:

( Read more... )

Continuing with my time-travel ponderings, I'd also go and see an Adam Ant concert or three.

Watching the second series of 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' with Richard E. Grant. Sniff. Poor Percy.

Don't like it as much as the first series, due to lack of naked Jamie Bamber, small boys singing about guillotines, Marguerite, that one French dude , and...

Okay, to put it another way, the only good things about this series are:

1. Richard E. Grant
2. Robespierre

Yeah, that's it.

Also, the kid that played Jack in 'The Last Vampyre' was the Comte de Claris de Florian in 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' and Peter in the same version of 'Voyage of the Dawntreader' that had Sam West play Caspian.

You know, this might be why I can't remember any cases or statutes for my exams - my brain-attic is full of useless movie-related trivia.

Bought Peter Pan 2003 on DVD today. Woo! Boy-molesting fun for all. Though Peter is approximately 70% less molestable than Blakeney, this is only because Blakeney has broken all existing records for molestability. Patrick O'Brien, Max Pirkis, guy that did the casting on M&C: I salute you.

Did men wear socks in the Victorian days? Just a thought.

Continuing on the Sherlock Holmes vs the Scarlet Pimpernel debate, who would freak out faster:

Holmes when faced with a flirtatious Marguerite Blakeney, or the Pimpernel when faced with a flirtatious Watson?

Answers and death-threats on a postcard, please.

Well, the internet decided to crash while I was writing this, so you're getting the abridged version. Serves me right for looking at the Hot Topic website, I suppose (although they do have Sad Sam dolls).

Anyway, news in brief: saw the Sherlock Holmes movie on Crime Plus, guy playing everyone's favourite Napoleon of Crime looked like Gomez Addams, Holmes was fat (nearly pissed myself when he climbed the drainpipe chasing the snake-charmer dude), Watson was a drunk and Mycroft resembled my A Level law lecturer. Also, the safe-cracking guy was the same guy who playing Fumier in the Richard E. Grant version of the Scarlet Pimpernel. Needless to say, I was morbidly intrigued and will be watching the next one a week today.

Casting issues aside, it wasn't bad. Holmes was a bit of a drama queen with the heroin-injecting, but then, as Johnny pointed out, when hasn't Holmes been a drama queen?

Incidentally, the general opinion is that the Scarlet Pimpernel could take Holmes in a fight, though as Selina said, chances are good that Sherlock would suss the Pimpernel's plans and sneak off by a back route. Still, in a straight fight, the Pimpernel would totally win, because he's a dude.

Also, not to be insensitive, but this amused me. Sex acts and stuffed animals, indeed. That's how I want to go.

And finally, this is for Hex, who doesn't have a hand fetish. At all.

I'm feeling talkative today.

Jason Issacs would make a kick-ass Sherlock Holmes. Mmm, caustic. Now all I have to do is cast the other characters, steal a script from someone, kidnap a film crew, hijack a studio and bribe, blackmail and otherwise cajole my actors into working for me.

Also, the Scarlet Pimpernel's name is Lord Blakeney. Okay, it's Percy Blakeney and he's got two arms, but still, it seems everyone's favourite midshipman has famous relatives.

I have two seminars tomorrow and have done work for neither of them. Let me see: European law vs the Scarlet Pimpernel...

Maybe the Scarlet Pimpernel can kidnap my lecturer for me. She's French. That would be neat.

Sherlock: Case of Evil is green. Seriously. Everything in that film is green.

Sherlock, Mycroft, Moriarty and the token strumpet all wear green. Holmes's rooms in Baker Street are green. What I'll assume is the Diogenes club (where Mycroft hangs out) is green.

This can mean one of three things:

1) Holmes is, in fact, a leprechaun, and all his adventures take place in a magical leprechaun world
2) It's part of an evil scheme by Moriaty, the significance of which is to be revealed in the sequel, Sherlock: Case of Naughty Spankin's (which I will look forward to immensely, if only for Richard E. Grant)
3) The film-makers had a serious fetish for the colour green, which leads me to suspect that they themselves are leprechauns and that 1) is also correct. Damn those leprechauns.

And, on the subject of Richard E. Grant, who the hell chose him to play Mycroft? I like Mycroft. I like Richard E. Grant. But the combination leads to bizarre thoughts about Mycroft being the Scarlet Pimpernel, which is hilarious but terrifying at the same time.

I mean, can you imagine Mycroft Holmes being dashing?