...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Just got around to adding last year's Halloween party CDs to i-Tunes. One of the songs is "Devil You Know" by none other than Steps. I guess now we know at what point Halloween becomes too scary for me to tolerate. Abandoning my fealty to Jack Skellington, pledging allegiance to the Easter Platypus.

So dudes, my wetsuit arrived today and because a) the postman woke me up early delivering it and b) you know, it's NEW and I get excited about new things, I had to go try it out in the sea. And then it started raining. And I was totally warm. It was great, I've only come back because the fog started rolling in and I couldn't see properly.

Also, my room is now approximately 40% less of a shambles than it was before - I got motivated to start unpacking when Johnny commented that 'It looks like an episode of Hoarders in here - maybe a Halloween episode or a special addition called "When Goths Go Wrong" or something.' Nothing like being compared to mentally ill, morbidly obese Americans to kick-start a person's clean-up efforts. It still kind of looks like a hurricane went crazy in a Forbidden Planet store, but slightly less so than it did before, so that's okay.

In other news, I discovered a while ago that a book I quite enjoyed, "Johannes Cabal the Detective", was actually the second in a series, the first being "Johannes Cabal the Necromancer." I just finished reading it and it was awesome. The same spooky, off-kilter world-building that you get in movies like NBX or the Corpse Bride, or books like Gloom Cookie or May Bird, but combined with a snarky narrative voice and the subtle mocking of it's own genre that Joss Whedon used to be so awesome at back in the day. I think I'll probably like the second one even more if I was to reread it now, aswell.

I have to go now, my mum is making ginger scones and I want to eat some before Buzz Lighthair gets there and steals them all. Laters!

Today started off as one of those days where it rains, then it clears up for about twenty minutes, just long enough for you to get your coat, shoes and bag, and as soon as you open the front door the weather gods HAMMER DOWN ON YOU from above. It cleared up about three o'clock, but I was deep into my book by that point, so I didn't go out til just before sunset. It was lovely though - I went to Port Erin beach, which faces West, and climbed down into the ruins of this old outdoor swimming pool and watched the sun set, then I bought jam, then I came home.

The book I was reading was Nekropolis by Tim Waggoner - it's about this zombie private detective, and the world he's created is basically the grown-up version of the one from Jodi Lynn Anderson's May Bird series (if you liked the Corpse Bride or the Nightmare Before Christmas, you should totally read the May Bird books, as they are awesome) and it was interesting and well-realised and the plot wasn't bad, but...

You guys, he had a love interest. An alive, human love interest. And he's a zombie. Sorry dudes, I don't care how brave or pure of heart or whatever he is, he is a ZOMBIE. Zombie/human romance is just gross. Probably I'm some kind of racist for thinking that, but OH WELL. Anyway, I ordered the second one in the series because creepy necrophiliac smoochies aside, it's pretty enjoyable.

On a final zombie-related note, I hope everyone else is enjoying Zombie Jesus Fest and eating lots of chocolate and/or brains, according to your religious preferences.

God, there are some right divs at the House of Gas. The fire alarm went off today and, I kid you not, our fire warden stood there in the middle of the corridor, blocking the way, bleating about whether or not we knew where the assembly point for our call centre was in the event of a fire. I was like, "Hmm, is it perchance outside of the burning building?" How do these people make it to adulthood? Fuckwad.

Anyway, some important points to note:

• The Wolverine movie is beautiful. It's a bit soap-opera-ish with the evil long lost brother thing and of course it has Gambit in (boo!) but really, this is about Hugh Jackman wearing leather and lots of hairspray, and a flimsy excuse for a plot strung together wuth awesomely choreographed fight scenes.
  
  
• Hairspray has a bit wrecked the earlier X-Men movies for me. Well, not X3, that one came pre-wrecked. But now I cannot look at Cyclops without seeing Corny Collins and wanting him to dance and sing and be massively inappropriate on a daytime kids TV show. And then I feel sad when it doesn't happen.
  
  
• If the Wolverine movie is beautiful, then Coraline is even more beautiful. I cannot describe the wonder. Go watch!
  
  
• I love the movie version of Interview with the Vampire. I sometimes forget how much I love it because I'm a bit shallow and there's nobody I really think is hot in there,* and also nowadays it's a bit tainted from the combined batshittery of Tom Cruise and Anne Rice, but I was watching it on Sunday and as soon as I heard those first few bars in the opening sequence, all my love for it came rushing back.
  
  
• The first half of the fourth season of Supernatural is semi-awesome. That's not the same as being full-on good, by the way. It's like, a bit good. There's a lifesized walking, talking, suicidal teddy bear (awesome), a stubbly angel who's a bit gay for Dean (awesome), an episode which is basically Supernatural does the Universal Studios Monster Mash (awesome to the power of a sideways eight thing) and BUNNY! Unfortunately, there's also creepy Padaleckisex, the stubbly angel isn't as stubbly or as overtly gay for Dean as I feel he could be, and Bunny is really mean. To like, everyone. Oh Bunny, how have we come to this? Also, there were these totally mean witches who tried to ruin Halloween for everyone. Boo, mean witches! You're lucky it was only Sam and Dean that showed up to punish you with guns. If Jack Skellington had been there, then you'd be sorry.
  
  
• I had better have pig flu! I feel like shit and the only thing keeping me from curling up and dying in misery is the thought that I am actively spreading a contagion that will wipe out billions of humans. If this turns out just to be a bad cold, I will be pissed.
  
  
• The Assassination of Jesse James is soooooooo booooring. Casey Affleck may be mildly less hideous than his sibling, but they are both gaping voids in the fabric of the universe, into which any semblence of talent or charisma is dragged, screaming, into the darkness, ne'er to return. Also, it is so badly directed, they have to have some random narrate what's going on in every scene.

Anyway, I think that's all the important life lessons I learnt this week - I trust you will all take them on board and be enriched by my wisdom. I'm going to watch the Wire and bemoan Bunny's fall from grace. Oh Bunny!

*Okay, it has Christian Slater, but he's in it for like ten minutes, and althoughg Antonio Banderas is normally hot, let's face it, white base and a Morticia Addams wig are not a good look for him.

Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.

In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:

Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints

I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:

Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.

I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?

Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.

*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower.

La! Well, that was more fun than being attacked by a swarm of roboinsectobots, even if they were wearing hats. I've just got back from three days in Haye-on-Wye, and yes, Snithy, it does exist although it turns out I was wrong about the houses being built from books and eating books and the people in fact being talking books with legs, but none-the-less, it was booktastic and now I have absolutely no money for the rest of the month. But I do have several beautiful illustrated books on fairytales and, for reasons that shall go unexplained, two plant holders, a Scooby Doo board game and a bag of paper mache skulls. Which proves that even in a town made entirely from books, I will find a way to spend my money on crap. And blame it on Miriglum, who blatently encouraged me.

In other news, I am now seeking to unravel one of the greatest mysteries of the world. No, not "Can homies and lumberjacks ever be friends?", nor even "What good are shoes without cute animals on them?". Nay, I fear the question I seek to answer is even greater that these. Namely:

Is the Nightmare Before Christmas a Halloween film or a Christmas film?

Wish me luck, friends, for no doubt my quest for the ultimate knowledge will be fraught with peril and danger and monkeys at every turn. In the meantime, I have to go peel the "Made on China" stickers off a bunch of skulls, so farewell!