...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Did the Isle of Man government start an exciting new festival called the Running of the Retards and hold it in Port Erin today? It was as if everywhere I turned, some gill-flapping, web-handed, buck-toothed monstrosity was oozing along the pavement in front of me, blocking the entire fucking road, forcing me to walk in their Slurmtrail and moving at an approximate speed of 1/1000000000000000000000000000000000000000th of a mile per year.

I did have a minor cheer-up though - I went for a ride on the steam trains (after a wait of about ten thousand years to wait for the flipper-footed foot traffic to get out of my fucking way) and some slack-jawed dribbling halfwit kept sticking it's head out of the window, only to get slapped in the face by a passing bramble. Totally worth having to listen to it whimper all the way into Douglas for the sheer look of pained suprise on it's face when it happened. Read the fucking safety warnings, dumbass! They apply to whatever-the-fuck hideously mutated species you are as well as regular humans!

On the subject of hideously mutated, I started rewatching Bleach a few days ago. I've never seen all of it and the last time I saw it was a few years back. Anyway, I remembered a few things (Aizen's a douchebag, Renji isn't, mostly) but I apparently managed to block out the image of that one creepy conehead scientist dude's sword transforming into a dead foetus on top of a catapillar. Sick and wrong, you guys. Sick. And. Wrong.

DUDES! What the fuck! I just watched that Kim Possible episode, "Oh No, Yono!" and... Monkey Fist totally died! And Kim and Ron were like, tralala, *smoochies*, and I was like, dude, Monkey Fist died.

Is this a thing for the last season? Should I be bracing myself for dead-Shego-related horror? Whatever, Disney. What sort of sick world are they making where ninja monkey-loving English guys can get killed off and nobody even cares? Wrongsick.

Two weeks after I returned to the Rock, my multi-region DVD player broke down. My laptop is chipped to play pretty much anything you throw at it, but there are few things more upsetting than sitting in a room with 52 inches of LED heaven staring you in the face and having to watch the first Addams Family movie on a fucking computer.

Anyway, after scouring the island in search of multi-region-capable beauty, and being stared at by various counter jockeys as though I'd shit in their collective handbags when I asked, I finally found a place online that delivered them. They arrived today, and 30 seconds after plugging them in I was enjoying the adventures of Sean, Patrick, Eugene, Phoebe, Fat Kid and the Frankenstein Monster on a screen so big that it's visable from satellite. I believe the technical term for such resounding success is "baddical."

In other news, I just came back from seeing Thor. While I give it two coolness-points for absolutely SHAMELESS incest, having the God of Thunder portrayed by wannabe-Heath-Ledger-circa-a-Knights-Tale seems like bad casting to me, Anthony Hopkins has been on my bad side since Alexander, and pretty much everyone was a useless spacker. Oh, except Idris Elba, who was beautiful and stern like always, but had to hide his lovely face behind a mask in case the rest of the frankly entry-level cast got jealous of his hotness.

In fact, I just reminded myself of how hot Idris Elba is, so I'm going to go watch The Losers now!

I'm watching "The Ember Island Players" and I have to say, "Did Jet just die?"/"That was really unclear" is one of the most all-time hilarious reactions to seeing the death of a friend re-enacted in front of you. I can only hope that if I ever see someone I know get crushed by a giant rock, and then see it dramatised for entertainment value later, I will take the time to be bitchy about how ambiguous it is.

In other news, where did all the good Shego/Kim slash go? There used to be loads of it but now all I can find is rubbish. Sigh. This is the problem with getting nostalgic and revisiting old fandoms.

So I've been catching up on all the TV shows I recorded this week before my brothers delete them to make room for eighty billion hours of motorbikes.

The episode of Castle with the Prohibition-era speakeasy and soopa-sekrit whiskey stash was awesome. I'm aware that the show is totally dumb and pretty much replies on Nathan Fillion to charm the audience out of realising how sucktarded it really is, but I don't care - it's fun and pretty and doesn't require me to do anything except sit back and giggle.

I love Kim Possible so much. I cannot believe that you can't buy seasons 3 and 4 anywhere, and that seasons 1 and 2 are only available in Germany. What the fuck, Disney?! Anyway, there were a bunch of episodes I'd not seen before, including an awesome one where Drakken invents a "brain-washing shampoo and cranium rinse" and then performs a rap song about it. And it was GENIUS. I completely want to buy his product now.

The Vampire Diaries is totally lame at the minute. If you were a fugly, skull-faced, rubber-lipped uber-vamp with a ridiculous Justin Timberlake-esque haircut, and you could possess people, and you were possessing a Stern Hot History Teacher, why the fuck would you go back to your own body? Klaus is spending all this time trying to break this dumb curse so he can get his wolf on - how about breaking the curse of having to go through eternity with that stupid face? Also, poor sad Alaric! ( Read more... )

My Year In Fandom:

Your main fandom of the year?
Corey Feldman. Yes, he is a fandom all by himself. Yes he is! Shut the fuck up!

Your favourite film watched this year?
This is hard, there were actually a few really awesome films I discovered this year - Iron Man 2, The Losers, Lost Boys: the Thirst and Monster Squad are all things I saw for the first time in 2010, and they are MARVELLOUS. I'm going to go for the Monster Squad though, because none of the other movies had characters screaming "Kick him in the nards! Kick him in the nards!" at each other.

Your favourite book read this year?
Somebody introduced me to a comic book series called The Boys, which is pretty much Watchmen for people who didn't think Watchmen was sick and wrong enough. It is fucking hilarous.

Your favourite album or song to listen to this year?
Every year I buy a couple of those Halloween-themed albums. For 2010, I got a triple CD set that includes the theme from True Blood, Bad Moon Rising, Shewolf by Shakira and Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf. Pure awesome, you guys.

Your favourite TV show of the year?
Glee. I haven't been online enough in 2010 for my flist to witness me getting appropriately squeeful about it, but OH GOD, it is wonderful!

Your favourite LJ community of the year?
The community itself is pretty much dead, but Lost Boys Slash did lead me to the LJ of redeyedfeline, and in turn to some EPIC Frogcest.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
White Collar. Seriously guys, even gayer than LJ made it out to be. Plus Jonesy from Carnivale being stern and manly with the younger, prettier clone of Simon from Firefly.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
The fifth season of Bones. I can't really point to one particular thing that made it sucktarded, but the whole season just left me kind of, "Meh."

Your TV boyfriend of the year?
Tesla from Sanctuary. OH HE IS SO MARVELOUSLY SNITTY I WANT TO LICK HIS FACE!

Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Shego from Kim Possible. Yes, I know she wasn't on the air in 2010, but this is when I got the season 1 and 2 DVDs and also when her greatness helped me recover from a traumatic incident involving a naked Corey Haim, so she still counts.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?
Edgar and Alan's hug at the end of The Thirst. OH GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE!

The most missed of your old fandoms?
The 4400. Seeing Joel Gresch be manly yet earnest in V really underscored how much I missed seeing him be manly yet earnest in a show where everyone else wasn't a total fucking retard and the bits that weren't occupied by Joel Gresch being manly yet earnest were focused on Jordan and Shawn having EPIC GAY LOVE. OH JOEL GRESCH. OH JORDAN. OH SHAWN.

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Leverage. I've only just seen season one, but already I suspect there is quite a lot of fic surrounding Lindsey's crush on Hardison. Hopefully this time his affections will involve less plastic hands and people being mowed down in the pickup truck of unrequited love.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
I am quite looking forward to seeing Colin Farrel and Jailbait!Chekov face off against each other in the Fright Night remake. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are bound to be completely wonderful. Also, there had better be a Lost Boys 4 and possibly a spin-off TV series too.

I am sure you will all be very pleased to know I survived my trip to The Dirty South reletively unscathed, and had the most AWESOMEST TIME POSSIBLE watching Wicked. I am going to marry Idina Menzel and have ten thousand of her little green babies. For real-real, not for play-play. Although Adam Garcia was totally gay* as Fiyero and the whole Scarecrow thing is just abou the Most Nastiest Thing I Have Ever Heard Of, Ever. He is made of straw! Manparts! Of straw! Oh, it's just dreadful.

Alas, some stupid whore brought her four-year-old child to the show and the little brat yammered all the way through it. Now, far be it for me to tell other people how to live their lives, but if you're stupid enough to think that taking a kid that age to a three-hour show at a London theatre is appropriate, you're really too stupid to be breeding in the first place. I hope they got run down and killed when leaving.

But ANYWAY, apart from that it was an exersise in gleeification and I can honestly say that I will be doing the "toss-toss" thing and quoting bits of the show at work well into the new year, even though nobody will know what I am talking about and will just look at me like I'm crazy.

In other news, everyone should watch Stormbreaker and be all like "Oooooh!" at the scenes that were shot on the Isle of Man, because that is where I am from and it rocks, although unfortunatly we don't have anyone as pretty as Alex Pettifer or even Damien Lewis there. Which is sad, but oh well. Also, Brandon Routh is a big gay spoon who wears too much foundation. YES I SAID IT! Kevin Spacey could kick his ass.

On a completely different note, I would like to add that it is completely INCONCIEVABLE that Lucas Buck is Kim Possible's dad. Now every time I see that episode with the tornado chamber, instead of getting all indignant about Lucas encouraging Caleb to cheat on his science project, I just feel relieved that he didn't wind up giving a miniature battlesuit with working lasers to the class hamster that rampages across campus and destroys half of the science block. Although that would be pretty funny...

*Gay as in homosexual, not gay as in rubbish. He was actually very good. Just... gay. It was strange.

I'm still gutted by the discovery that Rollo Weeks played Mini-Gerard in Attila. Sometimes the IMDB is a curse, I tell you.

And now, it's time for fun with memes:

List six of your favourite shows

1. Firefly
2. BSG (new)
3. Kim Possible
4. Weekenders
5. Deadwood
6. BSG (original)

( Spoilers for Serenity and the second season of Deadwood )

I cannot believe they're making another Sharpe movie. Don't get me wrong, I harbour a deep and abiding affection for Sean Bean's ass in those tight breeches the original series, but come on! Am I the only one who saw Troy? Sean Bean's like seventy years old. They're going to have him pushing a frickin' Zimmerframe across India, "dramatic tension" arising when his arthritic hands can't fire the bloody rifle in the heat of battle and the only way he's goin to rip anybody's bodice is if Emily from the Corpse Bride happens to be available. It's going to be that episode of Kim Possible where Drakken creates an army of old people all over again, only not good.

On the other hand, the opposing side is going to be fucking terrified when they realise that Britain can apparently raise the dead and force them to fight for us. Bet Napolean wishes he'd thought of that.

In other news, a shiny meme:

1. Post a list of up to 20 books/movies/anime/TV shows/video games/etc. that you've had an obsessive fannish love of at some time in your life.
2. Have your friends list guess your favourite character from each item.

1. Escaflowne
2. Angel
3. Buffy - Xander - Snithy
4. Firefly - Jayne - Snithy
5. Wolf's Rain - Hige aka Fluffy - Hex and, by a process of elimination, _doompixie_
6. Watership Down - Thlayli/Bigwig - Hex
7. Master and Commander (movie) - Jack - Snithy
8. Eerie, Indiana - Dash X - ajmckay
9. Big Wolf on Campus - Vince - ajmckay
10. Hornblower - Ickle Midshipman Archie - Snithy and enednoviel
11. LOTR (movies) - Merry - Snithy
12. Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
13. Invader Zim - Gaz - _doompixie_
14. Good Omens - Zira - Hex
15. Saiyuki
16. Rurouni Kenshin
17. Orphen - Hartia - Hex
18. Moomins - Snufkin - _doompixie_
19. Smallville - Lex - ajmckay
20. Nip/Tuck - Christian - ajmckay

I found it.

I FOUND IT!

As Dr Drakken would put it, "Oh, this is a zippedy-doo-dah day!"

Ahem. Let me explain. Once upon a time, many years ago (okay, probably only three or four years ago, but that's a long time in fandom) there was a Digimon fansite called the Lost Temple of Ishida, which among other things was the home of Goth TK, Fluffy the underwear-stealing Tokomon and some hilarious poems involving Ken's Wormmon. Alas, one day the Temple exploded, and Goth TK disappeared under the rumble, living on only in our minds and hearts, and the occaisonal reference on a seperate webpage.

But before this tragedy occured, there was created a Goth TK fancomic which gave us the legendary phrase, "Please sir, you don't understand! I have a raging Tokomon in my pants!" For years, Koani's work of comedy genius was thought lost along with the rest of the Temple - until now.

I present to you:

Doppelganger; a Goth TK fancomic by Koani.