...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

That scene in Dibship Rising where the ship realises that Dib has no friends and nobody believes him and decides it would rather self-destruct than have Dib's life just made me feel REALLY UPSET. Obviously it is time to stock up on tampons and chocolate ice-cream.

Also, why is it that when the Irish kid on Glee is singing, I can understand him perfectly well, but when he talks all I hear is dolphin sonar? I think he asked Trouty Mouth to be his Valentine (during a Christmas episode, what the hell?) but I might have misunderstood since only Sam's side of the conversation was in an actual human language.

...did that Irish kid just say that girls smell better than ham?

Okay, can we talk about how creepy and inappropriate it was for Mr Schue to get all excited about the prospect of New Directions doing a strip-tease for sectionals? Whatever, Mr Shuester, nobody cares about your creepy child-molesting love for Finn anymore, Puck and Idina Menzel have totally stolen your crown.

Also, I loved Santana's notebook with all the jibes about Sam's mouth and how she reeled it off in about five seconds, and Tina pretending to be an Asian vampire (the worst of all the vampires!) to get out of PE. Basically that was the ten seconds in which I didn't hate this show.

American Horror Story is definately improving - Zachary Quinto was awesome in the first installment of the Halloween two-parter. "Oh, but never fear, Count Chocula's here, to add some real class!" OH ZACHARY QUINTO. I wish he would narrate my whole life.

Glee, however, is a piece of shit. Even Idina Menzel's magnificent breasts and Puck's hilarious mohawk/cowlick hybrid can't save it. Finn outing Santana to the entire school and then having the nerve to give her a lecture on the importance of self-acceptance was absolutely disgusting, and what was worse is that instead of kicking him in the nards, she just took it. The only decent bit was Coach Bieste singing Jolene, and whatever, Coach Bieste isn't even a proper character. Also, there's something wrong with that Irish kid's face. I'm ready for everyone in Glee to die now.

SKY! Please stop showing Criminal Minds in perfect order for a week or so and then RANDOMLY THROWING IN one or two episodes from totally different seasons! It is so fucking confusing! Anyway, here is what is happening:

Agent Hotchner and his eyebrows are expecting a baby. Agent Hotchner runs around being lovely about his baby for a few seconds, and then spends the rest of every episode wearing a suit and judging everyone with his eyebrows. They are awesome. Agent Hotchner/his eyebrows are my favourite couple on the whole show now.

Sweater invited Spencer Reid to come to Jamaica with him, but Spencer Reid was like LOL NO, so Sweater took Roundface instead. Then afterwards Spencer Reid was basically crying to Pinup Tech that he has no friends, and Pinup Tech was like, I want to be your friend, but dude I am TOTALLY JUDING YOU A LITTLE BIT because you did not go to Jamaica with Sweater.

Spencer Reid's mum is SUE SYLVESTER. She was in a whole episode but she didn't insult anyone or make them do really complex cheerleading routines, which made me sad. Probably it's for the best though, since I think most of the people on Criminal Minds would PUNCH HER IN THE FACE if she tried one of her epic put-downs on them.

There was a dude with really comedicly bad burn makeup and a weird Phantom of the Opera-style cell in his basement. Seriously, the suit was just this giant brown Gillman head with some swirlies painted on it and the whole set-up reminded me of the monster-mash episode of Supernatural. Which I loved, but probably that was not the effect they wanted.

After that I think it was an out-of-order episode because Cleopatra was in it and Roundface wasn't, but anyway Spencer Reid got an embarrassingly on-trend haircut (think Alaric's permenant bed-head only on somebody who CLEARLY isn't Alaric) and everyone was like LOL NO and Agent Hotchner and his eyebrows were SUPER JUDGEY and beautiful just because they have a baby and nobody else does.

Tim Curry was in that episode too. I don't really know what happened, he just drove around for a bit and I think he killed some guys and listened to the radio. I found it hard to care because OH GOD HIS TEETH! Sweater made new friends with this police dude and they drove around for a bit but then Tim Curry killed him because he was stealing radio air or something. Anyway, Sweater was really sad but I guess we'll all have to wait to see what happens because that was all that was on my planner. I'm sure they will defeat Tim Curry's teeth and save the day though.

So I just watched the pilot of American Horror Story. The adverts were all like, FROM THE CREATOR OF GLEE! so I thought it would have singing ghosts and shit, but it was just some ugly ginger twins being ugly and ginger and basically it sucked. I cannot believe they picked this bullshit over Locke and Key. HOW COULD ANYONE CHOOSE UGLY GINGERS OVER NICK STAHL OH MY GOD!

Well, the Glee finale was boring and lame - I liked Kurt and Minidina singing For Good, but Brittany's "My Cup" basically recycled the joke from My Headband, and of course there was no Sue, so that made everything suck.

On the other hand, Luther is back! Oh Luther! For those of you who haven't heard of it, Luther stars Idris Elba as a stern hot detective who fights crime with the power of being hot and stern, an infalliable sense of JUSTICE, and occasionally dropping serial killers from high places, while being assisted by a sexy red-haired serial killing scientist who believes in LOGIC and DISPASSIONATE REASONING and also stabbing people. They're basically Brennan and Booth's evil twins. It's great.

MY brother was bitching that Luther's wee Scouse boyfriend is a massive step down fron Daddy Winchester, but I quite like Ripley - he's so little and sweet, and okay, not as super-hot as Daddy Winchester, but also less likely to cheat on Idris Elba with the bird from Star Trek and basically plunge the entire series into chaos like in The Losers. Ripley, I approve of you.

Apart from that, I have been watching lots of Numb3rs - I know I bitched and whinged massively about the last episode of season three, but the penultimate episode, where Charlie and Don go to couples therapy together was SO CUTE, OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! And Charlie was like, "I'm not as helpless as people think," and I was like, OH CHARLIE, YOU COMPLETELY ARE, BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANYWAY! The final season is FINALLY getting released over here next month, yay!

Sigh. I bought popping corn yesterday and I want to go down and make popcorn so I can eat it while I watch more Numb3rs live a rich and fulfilling life, but my Dad is doing his faffing-hen impression in the kitchen so I have to wait eight thousand years for him to finish whatever-the-fuck it is he's up to or risk getting sucked into his maelstrom of inefficiency. WHATEVER!

Is LJ doing anyone else's head in? Every time I try to log in or view a page, it takes like eleventy-billion years to load, if it loads at all.

There needs to be a t-shirt that says "the only straight I do is straight-up bitch". I feel a bit annoyed with the intarwebs for not having produced such a thing already. Stop sucking, intarwebs!

It rained ALL DAY today, so I stayed inside and made chocolate and pecan cookies and watched Eerie Indiana (the ultimate rainy day viewing) then about four o'clock the sun finally showed it's face so I grabbed my shoes and went out. It was absolutely gorgeous, I walked on the headland and there were baby rabbits and baby lambs, and there was this one twenty-metre stretch that was just covered in bluebells - I could hardly see the grass, it was just a carpet of this gorgeous purple-blue colour - and the late afternoon sun was low over the sea and so the waves were golden, and there was a bit of a breeze so it blew little flecks of salt into the air and I could taste it as I walked. It was amazing!

Then I came back and watched the Guy Richie Sherlock Holmes movie, and my mum just yelled that only three of the cookies are left and I haven't had any yet so I'm going down to lay claim to them now, so goodnight!

Thank God, the wind seems to be dying down a bit - for the first time in nearly a week, I've been able to open my bedroom window and not have it slam back hard enough to pitch me across the room. I mean, I'm no delicate wilting flower, but from Saturday onwards it's been blowing so hard that I've been bowled over a couple of times walking along the headlands. Anyway, it seems pretty calm out tonight, so hopefully tomorrow will be the same and I can go down on the beaches without facing death-by-exfoliation from airbourne sand particles.

In other news, why aren't there more Tony Foster books? I liked the Vicki Nelson ones (and yes, I even liked the Blood Ties TV series, no judging guys) but the Smoke series are hilarious. There need to be approximately fourteen-five more of them, I feel.

Also, Glee is awesome. The League of Doom is genius, and Santana is my hero for the rest of eternity. Tomorrow I am going to buy razorblades to hide in my hair. No doubt it will make sleeping difficult and/or potentially fatal, but it will be worth the risk.

So, I just read Chimera by Rob Thurman, and it was pretty awesome. A lot of reviews said it was just a rehashing of her Cal and Niko characters, and okay, it was about two brothers and the little one goes missing and then the older one is all SUPER DRIVEN to find and protect him from all harm* blah-blah, which is like the Cal and Niko books, but the actual story and characterization of the two male leads is wildly different and really quite awesome. Watch out for the sucker-punch ending though.

Secondly, the local bookshop finally got Dark and Stormy Knights in - OH CRIME DUDE. My love for him knows NO BOUNDS, you guys. "Be a dear and burn down the building." I wish I had some buildings to burn down and a Valkyrie on my personal staff just so I could say that to someone.

I quite liked the Carrie Vaughn story too - has anyone read the Kitty books? I always like to have new things to read.

Thirdly, WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE VAMPIRE DIARIES? I am so confused you guys, and that is embarrassing because, let's face it, this is not a complex show. Why is a giant-lipped uber-vampire being Alaric but also being a giant-lipped uber-vampire? Who is this other squishy-faced questionably English super-vamp hiding out pretending to be dead in Damon's basement? WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!

Fourthly, apparently there is a new Bill and Ted movie being made. As somebody whose PC start-up noise was "all we are is dust in the wind, dude" for most of my adolescence, I am at once excited and full of trepidation.

Finally, I am now caught up on Glee - oh God I love Santana! I cannot believe she wrote a song about her boyfriend's froggy lips and then yelled at him when he didn't let her finish it in front of the whole club. I wish I could be such a blatant meenosaurus.

*Incidentally, if you're thinking that sounds like a rip-off of Supernatural, Chimera isn't, but the Cal Leandros books totally are. Right down to the trickster god and the gay angel. Sadly there is no equivalent to Daddy Winchester, probably because describing Daddy Winchester's beauty in the written word would cause the paper to spontaneously combust from excessive hotness.

I just watched a movie in which Finn from Glee was a werewolf. And it somehow managed to be MORE embarrassing than that sentence would suggest. OH FINN.

I had some other stuff to say, but the sight of Finn Hudson getting down and dirty with his canine homies has driven it from my mind. I have to go cry or kill myself or something now.