...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Two weeks after I returned to the Rock, my multi-region DVD player broke down. My laptop is chipped to play pretty much anything you throw at it, but there are few things more upsetting than sitting in a room with 52 inches of LED heaven staring you in the face and having to watch the first Addams Family movie on a fucking computer.

Anyway, after scouring the island in search of multi-region-capable beauty, and being stared at by various counter jockeys as though I'd shit in their collective handbags when I asked, I finally found a place online that delivered them. They arrived today, and 30 seconds after plugging them in I was enjoying the adventures of Sean, Patrick, Eugene, Phoebe, Fat Kid and the Frankenstein Monster on a screen so big that it's visable from satellite. I believe the technical term for such resounding success is "baddical."

In other news, I just came back from seeing Thor. While I give it two coolness-points for absolutely SHAMELESS incest, having the God of Thunder portrayed by wannabe-Heath-Ledger-circa-a-Knights-Tale seems like bad casting to me, Anthony Hopkins has been on my bad side since Alexander, and pretty much everyone was a useless spacker. Oh, except Idris Elba, who was beautiful and stern like always, but had to hide his lovely face behind a mask in case the rest of the frankly entry-level cast got jealous of his hotness.

In fact, I just reminded myself of how hot Idris Elba is, so I'm going to go watch The Losers now!

Still on the Rock, oh no! Plus our wireless connection is down so now I have to do my porn-finding on my parents computers, inconvenient.

Wills and I just watched the Expendables - OH MY GOD that is a shit film. I had to literally beg Buzz Lighthair to lend it to us (he got it for Christmas and hasn't seen it yet) because it had Mickey Rourke in and I can only rewatch Iron Man 2 so many times before it becomes unhealthy, and OH GOD I cannot express how much it sucks!

First of all, Sylvester Stallone has had like, MONSTROUSLY UNSUCCESSFUL plastic surgery - his head is twice as big as a normal head, his eyebrows are painted on, and one of his eyes is a full inch higher than the other one. Also, the only bit of his face that still moves is the left hand side of his lower lip. Imagine if Sloth from the Goonies had had reconstructive surgery - that's what he looks like now. I swear to God, near the end, I was expecting him to just peel off his whole body to reveal Sloth's face and a Superman shirt, then he'd point at himself and go "SLOTH!" and then save the day. And that would have been about a gazillion times better than the actual movie. The best acting in the whole film is when Generic Spunky Latina managing not to totally wig out when Stallone and his Elephant Man-shaped head try to smile at her. Kudos to you, Generic Spunky Latina.

Secondly, Mickey Rourke is in it for like, two seconds. So are Bruce Willis and the Terminator, in case any of you were planning to watch it for those dudes. But they're positioned on the front cover as if they play major roles, when in fact Elephant Man Head and Jason Statham (who is so utterly blahsome in that I decline to make up an insulting nickname for him) are the main guys. UTTER FAIL. Literally, the best part of the movie was William and I deciding on all the scenes that would be improved if Mickey Rourke had been in them and what kind of epic hat he would be wearing.

Thirdly, the whole thing with Mickey Rourke (or The Rourke, as he will now be referred to) in this film was that he had these huge knives for throwin', and all the way through Wills and I were waiting for The Rourke to show up and just be like a bajillion times cooler than all of those other gimps, and right at the end one of the main evil dudes (might have been Stone Cold Steve Astin, might have been the dad from Monster Squad, I cannot remember due to excessive lamitude) is taunting Elephant Man Head by threatening Generic Spunky Latina and then this fuck-off massive knife comes bursting through his chest and Wills and I were like, "THE ROURKE!" but no, it was just Jason Statham being a fucking gimpodile like always.

In conclusion: The Expendables is ENTIRELY LAME, and I am going to watch the Losers again now and maybe read me some Iron Man 2 porn. OH THE ROURKE!

Oh my God, you guys! I have officially THE GREATEST SIBLINGS EVER! Not only do I now have three - count them, three! - Monster Squad mugs, I also have a Frog Brothers one! I squealed, I cried, I licked Corey Feldman's face. Then I choked due to this little nugget:

Jonathan: Sorry it's just the little baby Frogs instead of the grown-up ones from the new movie.
Froodle: No, it's awesome-
William: We were going to get them as old people for you, but the guy with the headband's sword was too big.
Froodle: Seriously, you guys, this is awes- wait, what?
Jonathan: Yeah, in all the pictures from the new one, he's got his sword out and it takes up like two thirds of the shot - we couldn't get it to fit on the mug.
Froodle: *giggles*
Buzz: That sword is fucking stupid, it's like twice as big as he is, whenever they're in a scene together the other dude has to stand behind him so he doesn't get poked.
Froodle: *splutters*
Jonathan: Yeah, he's like, "Oh sorry Corey Feldman, I guess I just won't be in half of the movie because your RIDICULOUSLY HUGE WEAPON is blocking me from the camera! Have fun fighting the vampires on your own, God!"
Froodle: *iz ded*

My Year In Fandom:

Your main fandom of the year?
Corey Feldman. Yes, he is a fandom all by himself. Yes he is! Shut the fuck up!

Your favourite film watched this year?
This is hard, there were actually a few really awesome films I discovered this year - Iron Man 2, The Losers, Lost Boys: the Thirst and Monster Squad are all things I saw for the first time in 2010, and they are MARVELLOUS. I'm going to go for the Monster Squad though, because none of the other movies had characters screaming "Kick him in the nards! Kick him in the nards!" at each other.

Your favourite book read this year?
Somebody introduced me to a comic book series called The Boys, which is pretty much Watchmen for people who didn't think Watchmen was sick and wrong enough. It is fucking hilarous.

Your favourite album or song to listen to this year?
Every year I buy a couple of those Halloween-themed albums. For 2010, I got a triple CD set that includes the theme from True Blood, Bad Moon Rising, Shewolf by Shakira and Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf. Pure awesome, you guys.

Your favourite TV show of the year?
Glee. I haven't been online enough in 2010 for my flist to witness me getting appropriately squeeful about it, but OH GOD, it is wonderful!

Your favourite LJ community of the year?
The community itself is pretty much dead, but Lost Boys Slash did lead me to the LJ of redeyedfeline, and in turn to some EPIC Frogcest.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
White Collar. Seriously guys, even gayer than LJ made it out to be. Plus Jonesy from Carnivale being stern and manly with the younger, prettier clone of Simon from Firefly.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
The fifth season of Bones. I can't really point to one particular thing that made it sucktarded, but the whole season just left me kind of, "Meh."

Your TV boyfriend of the year?
Tesla from Sanctuary. OH HE IS SO MARVELOUSLY SNITTY I WANT TO LICK HIS FACE!

Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Shego from Kim Possible. Yes, I know she wasn't on the air in 2010, but this is when I got the season 1 and 2 DVDs and also when her greatness helped me recover from a traumatic incident involving a naked Corey Haim, so she still counts.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?
Edgar and Alan's hug at the end of The Thirst. OH GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE!

The most missed of your old fandoms?
The 4400. Seeing Joel Gresch be manly yet earnest in V really underscored how much I missed seeing him be manly yet earnest in a show where everyone else wasn't a total fucking retard and the bits that weren't occupied by Joel Gresch being manly yet earnest were focused on Jordan and Shawn having EPIC GAY LOVE. OH JOEL GRESCH. OH JORDAN. OH SHAWN.

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Leverage. I've only just seen season one, but already I suspect there is quite a lot of fic surrounding Lindsey's crush on Hardison. Hopefully this time his affections will involve less plastic hands and people being mowed down in the pickup truck of unrequited love.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
I am quite looking forward to seeing Colin Farrel and Jailbait!Chekov face off against each other in the Fright Night remake. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are bound to be completely wonderful. Also, there had better be a Lost Boys 4 and possibly a spin-off TV series too.

Okay, I am home for Christmas, so I have beautiful unlimited access, at last for the next six days.

The following things are super-important:

• Frogcest. There should be more of it. If you are doing something other than writing Alan/Edgar porn right now, you are making me sad. Seriously dudes, you're like full-on ruining my holiday spirit.
  
• Leverage. Lindsey McDonald doing a bizarre impersonation of Daddy Winchester should be massively cringe-inducing, but somehow it is endearing in a sick-and-wrong kind of way.
  
• White Collar. If anything, this show is actually GAYER than the internet made it out to be. I love White Collar forever and ever.
  
• Santuary. This is mostly average, except for Tessla, who is FABULOUS. He is like, 2.83 times more awesome than Damon fromt he Vampire Diaries, which is quite awesome.
  
• Monster Squad. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS MOVIE?! I am so in love with this film it is crazed. Also, Andre Gower is exactly what would happen if Keifer Sutherland and River Phoenix had a baby. Trufax.

Anyway, my brother is yelling for me to come down to dinner, so I am going now. WRITE MOAR FROGCEST! I will be back... whenever.