froodle | Entries tagged with james spader

In case you were wondering, the Wolfman remake is pretty sucktarded - it was great up until Anthony Hopkins suddenly went batshit crazy and started eating people and thinking he could take Benicio del Toro in a fight - never since Jack Nicolson versus James Spader have I seen such an obviously unequal battle.

Fail, Anthony Hopkins. Fail.

Rocknrolla, you guys. Go and watch it, or I will be forced to conclude that my FList is made up of dames and homos. And we don't want that.

In other news, how much are werewolves the unloved red-headed stepchildren of the Halloween merchandising world? So far this year I have only seen one werewolf-themed Halloween thingie, and it was this stupid walking doll in ASDA with a stupid face that was stupid. And there's about eighty thousand different pumpkin dolls and lanterns and tea-light holders and everything else - I mean, seriously, how many pumpkins do we need? I've put a moratorium on any further pumpkin-related purchases this year in protest. Less pumpkins, more werewolves! Also more cats, haunted houses, spooky trees and ghosts. I think there's probably enough skull-themed stuff around aswell. There could be more witchy stuff, but witches are usually lame, so unless there's a sudden leap in the awesomeness of witch merchandise, I am ambivilent.

But seriously, let's have some respect for werewolves. They are as much a part of Halloween as cats or ghosts or any other imaginary creatures! This is what happens when you let pansies like James Spader and Pacey play them on TV - people lose all regard for their bitey awesomeness. You can bet if Idris Elba was a werewolf, he would teach you all some manners and allow me to get posters with his cool face on.

On what would once have been an Idris Elba-related note (SOB!) the fifth season of the Wire arrived today, yay! I am not watching it though, as the Tribe has once again sucked me into a swirling vortex of bright colours and dodgy acting, and I fear going from the cheesetastic joy of the Tribe to the ghettolicious world of the Wire without some kind of transitional period to adjust from "camp but kind of homoerotic" to "so awesome it does not need to rely on hot man-on-man action to hold my attention" would have a devastating effect on my fragile psyche. And yes, you did read that right, the Wire is so great I don't even need to supplement it with porn. In fact, I have no desire for Wireporn at all.

...but if you want to send me pictures of Stringer looking hot and stern, that would be okay.

Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.

Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.

Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.

In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.

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As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.

*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.

**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name.