...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Wow, Sweeney Todd is a miserable fucking bastard. I mean, I get he's sour about the whole deported-to-Australia, not-actually-dead-wife and yeah-actually-stolen-baby thing, but at a certain point, a tragic backstory and the fact that he's Johnny Depp in period clothing isn't enough to prevent me rolling my eyes at his endless bloody sulking. Jeez. Get over it already.

Sleepy Hollow is still lovely though. Has anyone seen the TV show they're basing off it yet? That sounds like it will also be lovely, though probably less lovely than 90 minutes of Christina Ricci and Johnny Depp staring at each other was.

I don't really know what the point of this post was. Probably that I need pictures of Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci looking at each other.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

My brother is such a spacker. I'm in the kitchen trying to convince Hayley to read the other two Johannes Cabal books and he wanders in and asks "Isn't that Johnny Depp's bird in Sweeney Todd?" Before I can say "No, you 'tard, that was Johanna and she wasn't his bird, she was his daughter," he's off singing "I feel you, Johannes," off-key and at the top of his voice, and has been singing it on and off all evening.

Okay dudes, this is still not as beautiful as Mohinder/Sylar set to the strains of Johnny Depp's homicidal rhyming rantings in Sweeney Todd, but still: it is quite mind-breakingly lovely. Petrellicest and the afore-mentioned Mohinder/Sylar lovin' done to the tune Without Love from Hairspray.

I can't decide what is more horribly wonderful - Sylar as Penny (pigtails! oral fixation! hostess snacks! OMG even Hairspray knows!) or the fact that all of Link's lines are so strangely Nathan-appropriate.

Also as honourable mentions, this is so how Peter and Sylar's fight at the end of season one should have gone and Petrellis + the tune from True Blood = a thing of pure beauty.

Man, there so needs to be a Broadway musical spin-off of Heroes. I would watch that shit.

...oh wait, no I wouldn't. OH MY GOD NATHAN!

Okay dudes, first of all, I would like to point out that I am a little bit cross with everyone in the Heroes fandom for not having made a Sylar/Mohinder music video set to the song "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd. Because that would totally work, you guys!

Secondly, and still on the subject of Heroes, I have just started watching the third season and oh God, is Nathan a zombie? Is that where this is headed? Because he just woke up after dying on the operating table and he looks like crap. I don't think I want a zombie Pasdar; he's too pretty to have parts of him falling off all the time.

Right, because all of you except chibimarchy are losers, there is only one answer for the meme I did a couple of weeks ago. Seriously you guys, epic fail.

The list of fifteen names was:

Lucas Buck (American Gothic)
Dr Matt (American Gothic)
Ray (In Bruges)
Todd (Stargate Atlantis)
Jake Green (Jericho)
Ben Hawkins (Carnivale)
Agent Booth (Bones)
Sweeney Todd (Sweeney Todd)
David (Lost Boys)
Micheal (Lost Boys)
KC (the Tribe)
Ebony (the Tribe)
Jordan Collier (4400)
Paul Avery (Zodiac)
Don Eppes (Numb3rs)

And the one and only question was:

You decide to pair two and eleven in a super-hot smut fic. Where does the 'action' take place?

I would like to point out for the record that I would never, ever write Dr Matt/Ebony, as that is sick and wrong even for me, but if I was going to, it would go something like this:

After Megas' bioweapon renders the City uninhabitable, Ebony, sick of Amber and Trudy always stealing her menfolk, decides to strike out on her own. She makes her way to Trinity, which has escaped the Virus unscathed (as Lucas and Merlyn do not hold with plagues they didn't bring about themselves). Being Ebony, she immediately sizes up the power structure in town and, with Selina sullying herself with Dr Billy, makes herself Lucas's newest go-to wench.

Meanwhile Caleb, prompted by Merlyn, has left Trinity and thrown in his lot with some South Carolinian tribesters. Lucas, faced with the prospect of handing his mantle over to the Gailbaby, is trying to locate him and drag him back by force. He suspects Dr Matt knows where Caleb is, but Dr Matt is still pretty pissed about being thrown into the Crazy House for Boys and isn't saying jack. So he dispatches Ebony on some mission-of-mercy-come-femme-fatale-seduction-fest in an effort to wheedle the information out of him. Hot sex ensues against the padded walls of Dr Matt's crazy-cell.

I don't know what happens after that, but it probably ends with Lucas and Ebony engaging in an all-out power struggle for control of Trinity. They'd be pretty evenly matched - Lucas has the power to make things happen, and Ebony, well... she's Ebony.

Aww fuck, you guys, I think I just permanantly destroyed Batman Begins for myself by watching it right after I watched Breakfast on Pluto. And for once it's completely my own fault, because I've seen both of them multiple times so I can't claim I was tricked into watching or anything. Now every time Dr Crane gases anyone, I keep seeing that scene from BoP where he imagines himself as an undercover counter-terrorist agent, complete with black PVC minidress and flashing a bright yellow bra, and he neutralizes all the bombers by spraying Chanel perfume* in their eyes, and it just destroys me.

In other news, I have decided to invent some kind of coolness scale where characters are awarded points based on the liklihood of them karate-chopping a midget. It'll look something like this:

Karate-chopping a midget: 10 coolpoints
Doing harm to a midget other than by karate-chopping it: 5 coolpoints
Not doing anything mean to a midget: 0 coolpoints
A midget karate-chops you: minus 10,000 coolpoints

I decided to test it out on a random selection and it works pretty well, as shown below:

Jack Bauer: would karate-chop a midget: 10 points.
Sweeney Todd: would cut a midget's throat and make it into pie: 5 points
Al Swearengen: as above, except replace "make it into pie" with "feed to Mister Wu's piggies": 5 points
Edward James Olmos: would shout or glare at a regular midget; only karate-chops midgets if they are Cylons: 7.5 points
Methos: doesn't know karate, but from a moral perspective, would have no problem karate-chopping a midget: 10 points, because he can always learn later.
The Dave: unable to bring himself to harm a midget: 0 points.
Giles: would karate-chop a midget, then fire-bomb its house, but only if the midget really pushed him to it: 10 points
Nathan Petrelli: no qualms about karate-chopping a midget whatsoever: 10 points
Angela Petrelli: would belittle the midget so much it karate-chopped itself: 10 points
Peter Petrelli: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Everyone laughs. Minus 10,000 points.
Agent Sands: if he still has eyes, karate-chops the midget; if not, shoots the midget after locating it by the sound of it's tiny midget feet: 10 points, because the intention is there if not the physical ability.
Moominpapa: doesn't know karate, and anyway has tiny Moomin arms unsuitable for midget-chopping. Would probably write a chapter in his Memoirs about how he karate-chopped it anyway: 5 points for inventiveness.
Mark Cohen from RENT: gets karate-chopped by the midget. Minus 10,000 points.
Idina Menzel, in anything: karate-chops that midget and makes it cry little midget tears. 10 points.
Akio Ohtori: karate-chops the midget, steals its fine midget hos, then runs the midget down in the Akiocar. 10 points.
Stringer Bell: karate-chops the midget only if economically viable. Otherwise, arranges to have it gunned down in a drive-by. 7.5 points.
Oogie Boogie: karate-chops the midget, sings a song about it: 10 points
Ben Hawkins: karate-chops a midget, spends three episodes angsting about it. 9.5 points, as he gets half a point deduction for angst.
Don Eppes: pre-The Bunk, karate-chops that midget and takes a suspension. Post-The Bunk, tries to work out his differences with the midget, then gets Lou Diamond Phillips to karate-chop it for him instead. 7.5 points.
Harvey Dent: gets karate-chopped by a midget, cries like a bitch. Ditto Two-Face, but with half as many tears. Minus 20,000 points because both personalities fail.

I call it the Froodilicus Scale of Karate-Chopped Midgets. Obviously you can't rely on it entirely - for example, Brennan would have no problem karate-chopping a midget whereas The Dave would, but clearly The Dave is clearly cooler than Brennan. But as a rough guide, it's pretty accurate.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking of buying a new storage unit as the number of books, DVDs and random crap in my house has once again reached critical mass. At the moment I am torn between this and this. On the one hand, the cabinet gives me much more storage space and as it's got glass shelves, I can put my models and suchlike in there and not have to worry about dusting them. On the other hand, it's white and white wooden furniture always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a John Hughes movie circa 1984. Comments? Suggestions?

Oh, and finally, and having nothing to do with anything discussed above: MOAR ZODIAC PORN PLZ. That is all.

*For the record, given that pretty much every Chanel product smells like catpiss, I think it would be very effective as a weapon used either by or against terrorists. I know if you sprayed it on me, I'd be too busy choking and retching to even think about blowing stuff up until I'd had a shower.