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Nov. 27th, 2015 09:37 pmDrinking hot chocolate, eating dark cherries with brandy cream, listening to Peter S. Beagle read the Last Unicorn. In my expert opinion, Day Zero of Operation Holiday is an unqualified success.
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Apr. 19th, 2013 05:04 pmSo basically, this is my problem with Seven Pyschopaths - Colin Farrel's best friend is played by the dead rubbish evil dude from Iron Man 2 (not Mickey Rourke, the idiot who thinks his dumb robots are better than blinged-out cheerleaders, because fuck off!) and they keep touching and I'm all like, WHAT THE FUCK COLIN FARREL, PUNCH THAT MESS IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW, because that dude wasn't even worthy of being Tony Stark's best friend, and Tony Stark is basically haggard, American Colin Farrell, so OBVIOUSLY he is not worthy to gaze upon the TRUE Colin Farrell, but Colin Farrell isn't having his unicorns kill this dude or anything, and it's just very confusing.
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Apr. 14th, 2013 12:32 amI am watching SWAT, which is basically the saddest and most tragic love story of how Colin Farrell and Hawkeye were in beautiful love and then it all became horrible and sad.
So what happens is, Hawkeye and Colin Farrell are police dudes in LA and they are totally awesome and everyone loves them, but then this mean dude who is totally jealous sentanced them to ten thousand years in a dungeon cleaning boots, and Hawkeye was like, fuck this, let's ride into space on our unicorns and be all evil and wear a variety of criminal hats and generally fuck shit up! And Colin Farrell's like, no, it's not space's fault that this mean dude is making us do ten thousand years dungeon, let's stay and protect LA!
Then Hawkeye gets all.mad and is like, you have betrayed our love, Colin Farrell, and I hate you forever! and he throws Colin Farrell across the locker room and flies away into space alone, and Colin Farrell has to do dungeon by himself and he's all broken-hearted and crying inside and lives on the beach with his unicorn, who has turned into a dog because Colin Farrell's broken heart has sucked all the magic away.
Anyway, then Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson comes along and he's like, I know your heart is all broken and shit, but LA still needs protecting and you have to inspire these other police dudes because reasons, so Colin Farrell kind of has a reason to live again, but then Hawkeye is like OH NO YOU FUCKING DO NOT!! and he invades LA with dinosaurs and French dudes and rocket launchers, and he and Colin Farrell totally get into it and then Hawkeye gets run over by a train and so they never find happiness and that's the end of the movie.
And then Colin Farrell goes to Vietnam where he saves Alaric from doom and Alaric basically makes a whole movie about how in love with Colin Farrell he is, and Hawkeye is in a film about bombs that wins loads of awards even though it is totally boring amd nothing even happens.
Oh, and the dog eventually changed back into a unicorn and together he and Colin Farrell crossed Asia, bringing civilisation and Jared Leto to the world.
So what happens is, Hawkeye and Colin Farrell are police dudes in LA and they are totally awesome and everyone loves them, but then this mean dude who is totally jealous sentanced them to ten thousand years in a dungeon cleaning boots, and Hawkeye was like, fuck this, let's ride into space on our unicorns and be all evil and wear a variety of criminal hats and generally fuck shit up! And Colin Farrell's like, no, it's not space's fault that this mean dude is making us do ten thousand years dungeon, let's stay and protect LA!
Then Hawkeye gets all.mad and is like, you have betrayed our love, Colin Farrell, and I hate you forever! and he throws Colin Farrell across the locker room and flies away into space alone, and Colin Farrell has to do dungeon by himself and he's all broken-hearted and crying inside and lives on the beach with his unicorn, who has turned into a dog because Colin Farrell's broken heart has sucked all the magic away.
Anyway, then Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson comes along and he's like, I know your heart is all broken and shit, but LA still needs protecting and you have to inspire these other police dudes because reasons, so Colin Farrell kind of has a reason to live again, but then Hawkeye is like OH NO YOU FUCKING DO NOT!! and he invades LA with dinosaurs and French dudes and rocket launchers, and he and Colin Farrell totally get into it and then Hawkeye gets run over by a train and so they never find happiness and that's the end of the movie.
And then Colin Farrell goes to Vietnam where he saves Alaric from doom and Alaric basically makes a whole movie about how in love with Colin Farrell he is, and Hawkeye is in a film about bombs that wins loads of awards even though it is totally boring amd nothing even happens.
Oh, and the dog eventually changed back into a unicorn and together he and Colin Farrell crossed Asia, bringing civilisation and Jared Leto to the world.
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Apr. 12th, 2013 05:13 pmIf Erskine Ravel is Colin Farrell in an edible, whiskey-soaked, unicorn-nibbled hat, then Billy Ray Sanguine is Jason Stackhouse. A serial-killing, earth-melding, no-eyes-having Texan version of Jason Stackhouse who wears cowboy hat, but still.
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Mar. 15th, 2013 11:29 pmWhenever Erskine Ravel shows up in a Skullduggery Pleasant book, I always imagine him as Colin Farrell, but like, wearing a hat. The addition of a hat tones down his raw masculinity while at the same time increasing his classiness level to the point where he can be the king of all the sorcerers in Ireland.
So basically if someone had just thought to give Colin Farrell a hat when Voldamort first started fucking shit up, I wouldn't have had to slog through those last two books, and instead of the Harry Potter franchise, there would have been one ninety minute movie in which Colin Farrell shouted "Unforgivable curse?!" *punch* "No, don't bother!" and saved the world from Death Eaters and Daniel Radcliffe's "acting". And then flew away into space on a unicorn, because he's that fucking amazing, especially in a hat.
So basically if someone had just thought to give Colin Farrell a hat when Voldamort first started fucking shit up, I wouldn't have had to slog through those last two books, and instead of the Harry Potter franchise, there would have been one ninety minute movie in which Colin Farrell shouted "Unforgivable curse?!" *punch* "No, don't bother!" and saved the world from Death Eaters and Daniel Radcliffe's "acting". And then flew away into space on a unicorn, because he's that fucking amazing, especially in a hat.
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Mar. 6th, 2013 09:07 pmI really want Colin Farrell to be the villian in Avengers 2, but I know that if he was, he would conquer the world in the first ten minutes and the rest of the movie would be a montage of him banging all of the Avengers, one at a time and then all together. Which sounds awesome, but would get repetative if the film went past the two hour mark.*
*The teaser scene at the end of the credits would be Colin Farrell and Iron Man getting drunk and riding unicorns in space while Captain America sad-cries behind a rain-streaked window.
*The teaser scene at the end of the credits would be Colin Farrell and Iron Man getting drunk and riding unicorns in space while Captain America sad-cries behind a rain-streaked window.
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