...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Me: Get Thee Behind Me, Bubba Moon is really fucking unnerving and it makes me unsettled and jittery no matter how many times I read it

Also me: Mike's away for four days, Get Thee Behind Me Bubba Moon is the perfect falling asleep audio book choice

Tesco Man: knock knock, it's me, the guy who brings you groceries every week

Me: AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I know she's all remnanty and that at the time, but the scene where madam mist gives tanith a fucking arachnoid bukkake shot to the face is THE STUFF OF FUCKING NIGHTMARES.

The guy doing the Kingdom of the Wicked audiobook has given Billy Ray a proper Elvis voice and idk, I kind of like it. Though in my head he always sounds like Ryan Kwantan playing Jason Stackhouse, which probably shows how much I dont know about American accents in general and Southern ones in particular.

Im rereading the skulduggery pleasant series andandand kenspeckle, oh no, kenspeckle...

ARGH. Dudes, I am giving serious brain-thoughts towards going to Liverpool to attend a Derek Landy signing of Last Stand of the Dead Men. The issue is, the most time- and cost-effective way to do it is as a day trip to Liverpool via the Steam Packet, a sweaty, slimy, nausea-inducing puke-bucket of a trip that lasts three hours each way, and feels a lot longer.

Do I actually care about Skulduggery Pleasant enough to subject myself to seasickness and the strange phenomenon where the Manx people on the boat have Scouse accents that are approximately eighty thousand times more nasal and annoying than the voices of actual, in-real-life Scousers?

ARGH. I hate having to think grown-up things.

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Also, Saracen Rue's superpower is super-hearing. Pretty sure.

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So there's this one thing I totally don't get about Skulduggery Pleasant, aside from the question of why Billy-Ray doesn't wear a cowboy hat even though he is, like, super-Texan:

All the sorcerers have three names - their given or birth name, their super-secret true name that basically guarantees ridiculous levels of power and accompanying levels of foaming-at-the-mouth crazy, and their 'taken' name, which is basically a magical superhero identity that they make up for themselves.

And the 'taken' name usually says something about who they are as a person - Skulduggery is a stealthy nefarious ninja spy, and also a skeleton. Valkyrie is a warrior. Ghastly Bespoke is a gifted tailor with a fucked-up head. Billy-Ray Sanguine has a sunny disposition and also slits throats for a living. Basically, as soon as some magical dude shows up and introduces themselves by their taken name, you have some idea of the kind of person they are.

So if you were hanging out with your wizard bros one day, all being good and keeping the world undestroyed and shit, and some dudes come up to you and are like, "hey my man, mind if we join your gang of totally peaceful dudes.and find out all your political info and whatnot? My name is motherfucking JARRON GALLOW, and these are my besties, MURDER ROSE and GRUESOME KRAV," would you not just be like, "get the fuck away before I melt your fucking evil faces off, seriously if you're gonna be sneaky about being evil, you might try picking names that don't have the word MURDER in them."

But then again, pretty much everyone in the Irish Sanctuary straight fails at picking up on narrative clues, so I guess if you're a baddie in Ireland, you might as well go around calling yourself Traitory McStabsalot or whatever, because this bunch of professional epic retards aren't going to pick up on it until it's too late anyway.

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So I'm assuming from the hints dropped in the last couple of books that at some point we're going to find out exactly why Billy-Ray ripped out his own eyes, and I'd like to state right now that my best guesses are a) that he saw his parents going at it or b) somebody made him watch an NSYNC music video, because these are the top two reasons for gouging your eyes out and ALSO two of the fastest ways to turn somebody into a serial killer. Though presumably he would have been a serial killer anyway since his dad was a stealth assassin ninja (who wore a BOLO TIE, that's fierce when you're a ninja) before he had to quit due to prison and oldings.

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You know who else I had forgotten? Moloch. I really hope they never make Skulduggery Pleasant movies, because Moloch is basically EXACTLY what Colin Farrell would be like if he was vampire (eating everyone in a block of flats, playing a vampire version of The Hunger Games with would-be new recruits, wandering around Dublin in bare feet in the middle of winter and generally just being a drunken, blood-soaked, fang-sporting Irish mess) and Colin Farrell was banned from ever playing a vampire again for his part in the TRAVESTY that was Fright Night.

And it sucks even MORE now because presumably book 8 or 9 will have the big Dusk/Moloch throw-down, and I would really have enjoyed watching Colin Farrell slap that mopey tragic unbearability-pire upside the head and toss him into the sea and then eat all of Dublin.

Anyway, I guess the moral of this story is that I really hated the Fright Night remake amd sometimes a crime is so bad that you have to get punished for it, even if you are Colin Farrell. But I guess he would be playing the Irish Wizard King so... something. I dunno. Fright Night sucks.

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Is it weird that I totally hope Billy-Ray and Tanith make it as a couple, even though it means she has to spend the rest of forever with an evil little newt dude grafted onto her soul because if she ever got the Remnant out of her she would punch Billy-Ray in the mouth and run for the hills? I just want to read about the two of them skipping through the smoking dismembered carcasses of their enemies, laughing and making little blonde-haired, earth-bending, wall-walking murder babies. Clearly getting old has made me all lame and romantical an shit.

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