...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Well, because BT are fucking retarded, it looks like I won't be getting the Intarwebs in my (oh so cool) new apartment anytime soon. A curse and embarrasing social diseases upon them all. Fortunately help is at hand in the form of an internet cafe just down the road from my (as previously mentioned, oh so cool) new place, so I will still be around, just not as frequently.

In the meantime, life goes on as usual; work is work (although a certain Annoying Individual has returned after three months of sick leave and you know, you'd think you'd get over hating someone in three months but no, she still does my face in); I have been watching Boomtown (So good! Lacking the homoeroticness of other, more Miami-Vice-esque cop shows but still... so good!) and Band of Brothers (yay for Donnie Wahlberg, who unlike Mark does not look like a victim of Downs Syndrome), rereading the Alex Rider books in preparation for Alex Pettifer's unbelievable hotness, getting into the Corydon books (lots of fun, despite complete over-use of the word "brazen" when it comes to describing the Gorgons) and flailing over the Miami Vice movie posters springing up at bus stops all over Leeds.

Also the Tribe has completely taken over my morning pre-work viewing sessions - nothing like a dose of Lex's super-Kiwi accent to start the day. I've seen the first three series now, and I have the following things to say:

Bray is gayer than a bag of monkeys.
Danni has the most horrendous voice ever.
Jack and Ellie are the cutest on-screen couple in the history of the world.
Luke needs a good feeding.
The Guardian is awesome.
KC is an absolute sweetheart and May is a bitch for giving Pride that rose.
The bloke playing Pride is such a ham.
Amber has the worst breaking-up-with-someone skills ever. Worse than Methos, even.
Ebony is my hero.
Salene is fugly, pathetic and annoying.
Evil!Trudy rocks.

I love that scene where the Guardian decides to raise "the true generation of Zoot" or whatever, and he gets all the preggos into one room and then he's like, "Stupid girls, how could they let this happen?" You go, the Guardian! The destruction of your civilisation is no reason to have unprotected sex, ladies. And then that one girl goes into labour and Luke is all, "Hoorah, you can be present at the birth of the first of Zoot's children!" and the Guardian's all, "Are you mad? I'm leaving." and then he just walks off and Luke is like, "Well, shit."

Anyway, my hour is nearly up so I shall have to love you and leave you. I'll try to be online at some point next week, so you can all stay tuned for the exciting adventures of me. In the meantime, eat all your vegetables, don't pick fights with the Clergy and watch out for ninjas and monkeys when you're walking alone at night.

Okay, so it seems Lex does have the Virus after all. I would be more worried, but a) he was in the last two seasons, so it's pretty obvious he's not going to die, b) that makeup is atrocious and just makes me laugh and c) he's not as pretty as Jack anyway. No he isn't Snithy you are a Spacejaw! Oh, and he's short. I didn't notice until Bray actually points it out and I was like, oh, he's not that short, Bray and Ryan are just like seven feet tall, and then I saw him walking down the stairs with Zandra and she's short even for one of the girls and they're the same height and I was like OH NOES CALEB ROSS IS A GNOME!

Also, although Bray is, as previously mentioned, a dork, Dwayne Cameron is oddly likable. Which I suppose you'd have to be to make up for having a name like Dwayne. I think it's that clip on the outtakes where he's giving a speech to the Chosen and a car alarm goes off, and he gets as far as "I- no, the car alarm put me off." And then he stands there and waits for it to be turned off and he's making faces at the actress facing him and she's trying to stay serious but you can tell she's all like, "Oh Dwayne, you are so oddly charming despite your unfortunate hair and even more unfortunate name."

In other news, this is going to be my last LJ post for a while; I'm on the move again, and I'm not sure when I'll be getting the internet and a landline installed at my new place. In the meantime, those of you who have my mobile number can reach me on it, and I'll see the rest of you in a few weeks. Stay good!

Ow. My. Fucking. Ear. I don't know what the fuck is going on with this, but it's pissing me off; I've been fine all day, then around six o'clock it starts to hurt a little and now? I'm in fucking agony. Again! And I can't take any more time off work and I have too much stuff to do, with the moving and the finding of a house to move into and blah-blah-blah, and goddamnit Ear Thing will you just fuck off because I don't have time to deal with you right now.

On a lighter note, I know I've said this before but man, Don Johnson has some girly-looking legs. Seriously, that scene in the second season premier when he wakes up in that crazy woman's bed and the camera pans up from his feet all the way to his thighs? I thought they were hers! His calves are way too shapely, it's just not right. And also, aww - AWWWWW! - for that scene with him and Rico at the airport near the end. Awww!

I return!

After two weeks in a desolate wasteland of cardboard boxes, irate rabbit and total lack of an internet connection, I have at last managed to find my way home to Livejournal. You may all remove the black mourning bands from your arms now.

During my soujourn in the arid plains of Internyet*, I have had many adventures, mostly involving trips to the park accompanied by my nobel bunny companion (who, it transpires, likes to chase squirrels, thus proving my theory that he secretly believes he's a cat) and trips to the cinema with my no less nobel but somewhat less soft, fuzzy and strokable human friends.

Went to see Batman Begins, in which Liam Neeson is a bondage ninja, Cillian Murphy is pretty, Micheal Caine does not say "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" (woe!), Morgan Freeman is awesome and Gary Oldman is... really skinny. And short. Also, Katie Holmes does not get shot in the back of the head with a nail gun, which is pretty much the only flaw in the entire film.

Did I mention that Liam Neeson was a ninja? That is so awesome. I'm going to get a little Ninja!Liam Neeson doll and make him wrestle in a homoerotic manner with fight my Jedi!Liam Neeson doll.

Afterwards, we were debating whether to watch Saw or Red Dragon, and we got to talking about the difference between horror movies that scare you in a fun, enjoyable way - like a rollercoaster - and horror movies that leave you a sweating, shivering nervous wreck who can't sleep for two days *cough*the Ring*cough*. Then Jess suggested Miss Congeniality 2...

Froodle: *laughter*
Jess: What?
Froodle: I'm sorry, it's just we're talking about movies that inspire fear and horror and you mention a Sandra Bullock film.
Alan: Well, she is horrifying.
Froodle: I didn't watch 28 Days Later when it first came out, despite everyone telling me it was awesome, because I got confused between it and a Sandra Bullock film called 28 Days.
Jess: I can't picture Sandra Bullock in a zombie movie...
Froodle: Are you kidding? Most nightmarish thing ever - instead of monkeys, a bunch of stupid hippies unleash the terror that is Sandra Bullock upon the world.
Alan: Everyone who exchanges bodily fluids with her becomes a talentless, irritating bint whose very presence makes any film fifty times more annoying than it already was.
Froodle: Oh God, the London underpass filled with hordes of slavering Sandra Bullock clones! Only Cillian Murphy can save us now!
Alan: Are you kidding? Fear gas is useless against the reality of a thousand Sandra Bullocks.
Froodle: He will trample her with his magical Fear Horse while shielding himself from her evil with his Potato Sack of Immunity!

*This is a pune, or a play on words.

I have succeeded in my epic quest to clean Darth Bathroom before I move out next month. Go me! Now all that remains is Darth Kitchen. And the bedrooms. And the entrance hall and corridor and the pantry... oh God, I'm going to die. And then I have to pack.

I. Hate. Moving.

In other news, have been curled up watching POTO this evening, eating pizza and mocking Raoul. Poor Raoul. I love that scene after Buquet is killed where Madame Giry is explaining Erik's past to him, and she's like, "He's a genius. A genius, monsieur!" and Raoul gets this really earnest look on his face and says "Clearly, Madame Giry, genius has turned to madness" and she just gives him this look like, "Oh, you think?". And because the Punjab lasso isn't the long-range weapon it was in the book, that advice about keeping your hand at the level of your eyes makes absolutely no sense; it just looks like Madame Giry told Raoul that so he'd look like an idiot walking into the Phantom's lair with his arm up in the air. Tit. On the other hand, it pleases me to think that, even in the midst of horror and death, there's always someone willing to go that extra mile to make Raoul look stupid.

'Cause honestly, movie!Erik only uses that damn rope when he's standing so close that it would actually be easier to punch them in the face. Which would be totally awesome, I'm thinking - Raoul would be all like, "Hand at the level of my eyes!" and Erik would be all, "What the fuck..." *PUNCH* and Raoul would be like, @_@ *collapse* and I would laugh.

And this is why nobody asks me to write movie scripts for them. Le sadness.

Moving tomorrow. Have to disconnect computer and be internet-less for several days, oh no!

Hate moving.

Oooh! Lupin and Sirius day today. Feeeeel their canonical love.

In other news... I have no other news. Still haven't finished packing. Still too hot. Also sleepy.

Watched 'Cambridge Spies' last night - Sam West's bizarre conversation about socks is made even stranger by the fact that it takes place while he's in bed with another man.

Moving house sucks.

Have spent the day packing in preparation for the move at the end of the month, and have discovered three things:

1: I have way too much stuff
2: I am a terrible housekeeper
3: I really hate spiders

Of course, I knew all of these things already. I wish I was Lupin, then I could magically pack all my stuff. While listening to jazzy music, no less.