...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Today at work, Smiley Headed Chris informed us all that in addition to working 40 hours a week as a phone-monkey, he is also a porn-star, he-bitch and an elite computer-hacking ninja. I feel like such an underachiever. All I did today was eat five tablespoons of creamer and daydream about Hugh Jackman.

I have come to the conclusion that Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera do not mix, for the following reasons:

• Gerard Butlers singing is only just tolerable as it is, without being compared to the greatness that is Ewan McGregor.
  
  
• Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character, but Dracula as the Duke is all shades of wrong and leads to speculation about the effectiveness of Dracula singing "Like a Virgin" to Van Helsing versus, say, turning into a big fucking bat-monster. Personally, I found the singing way, way creepier, and I bet Van Helsing would have too.
  
  
• On a related note, "Big Fat Virgin King". Try explaining that one to your friends in the throes of a massive giggling fit.
  
  
• There's always someone who suggests Ewan McGregor should play Raoul, and that confuses me and makes me unsure whose side I should be on. This is unacceptable.
  
  
• Eventually this leads to debates about whether Erik, Van Helsing or Christian would win in a fight. This in turn leads to arguing about whether Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman or Ewan McGregor would win in a fight. Ewan McGregor loses both times, and that makes me feel bad for him.
  
  
• Anna is even more annoying than usual when compared with Christine and Satine.

In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:

Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!

Movie Meme

The rules

-- Pick one dozen movies that are ones that you have special feelings about.
-- Pick a few lines of dialogue.
-- As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
-- After the film is guessed, explain why that movie made the list.
( Read more... )

I declare this to be Corey Feldman Day. Anyone who doesn't know who Corey Feldman is, shall henceforth be denied any rights whatsoever. Froodle has spoken!

Seriously though, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Don't you have parents? Who grows up not having seen the Lost Boys at least once?

Freaks.

Not sure what yesterday was, since Hex has been conspicuous by her absense lately. I suspect it was Hugh Jackman day, though. Mm, rugged.

I am filled with indecisiveness.

As everyone knows, there are certain films and certain actors that just go well with certain foods.

Johnny Depp films, for example, require Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream, while Jason Issacs films require Rolo dessert pots (although Jonathan prefers Tiramisu, which I suppose would be acceptable if I didn't hate coffee-flavoured dessert, or, in fact, coffee-flavoured anything-which-isn't-coffee). Russel Crowe films should always be watched while eating Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, and Hugh Jackman films are incomplete without nachos. Preferably with that fake plastic cheese you get at the cinema.

So far so good, right?

But what do you eat while watching Sherlock Holmes films? And should it depend on the character, or the actor playing him?

Darn these moral dilemmas.

Just got back from seeing Van Hellsing.

Sam West was in it, so it gets ten points from me just for that. Thought David Wenham was a little over-the-top as the uber-dorky science-genius-friar-sidekick bloke, but it did get a few giggles ("I'm a veritable cornucopia of talent" stands out). Dracula's brides were very camp, cheesy horror - they got on my nerves. Kate Beckinsdale was, suprisingly enough, quite bearable in her 'token love-interest' capacity and also looked several degrees of hot that outfit.

The oh-my-brother-is-a-werewolf-boo-hoo-don't-kill-him element was predictable and over-done - frankly, I couldn't wait for the silly bastard to get electrocuted. Dracula himself seemed to go from being cool and understated to hammy and annoying and back again several times in the film, but on balance, I think he tips the scales in the 'cool' section.

Mr. Hyde - meh. I liked the accent, and let's face it, the CGI Hyde was a lot better than the makeup on the LXG version of the character, but it was still kind of lame and unconvincing, not to mention, did we really need to see the builder's crack during that scene? I suggest not.

Igor and Frankenstein's creature were neither here nor there for me - I can pretty much take or leave them, though I did get a laugh out of Igor chasing Sidekickimir with a cattle prod.

The scene with Van Hellsing and Anna in the room full of Dracula's reanimated spawn seemed to be lifted straight out of the 1998 version of Godzilla, and also had elements of Gremlins 2: the New Batch. Not to mention, you'd think Dracula might have stopped to think, 'Hey, releasing thousands and thousands of mini vampire Gremlin thingies into the world is really going to mess with my food supply, maybe I shouldn't do this...', but I guess not.

Despite all that, I still thought it was niftykeen, and will probably go to see it again.

Also, Hugh Jackman was very good - there were some Wolverine-esque moments, but all in all, I was impressed by his performance. I want a doll of him now...