...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

We're watching Alexander and I totally forgot Klaus from TVD/the Originals was in it, and I keep having to apologise to Mike every time Philotas is on-screen and reassure him that, yes, I promise, he totally dies, it's coming soon, I'm so sorry...

Oh, spoiler alert: Philotas dies.

And basically that's why Colin Farrell isn't an Avenger - because he would step onto that flying platform thingie, get one look at Clint Barton and start kicking the living fuck out of him. And all the other Avengers would stand around watching and crying about how sad it was and in the meantime, Loki destroyed the entire world five and half times and nobody noticed it happening because they were caught up in the tragic unbearabilitiness of Colin Farrell and Hawkeye's terrible broken love.

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Oh my fucking God, Tigerland, you break my fucking heart! Oh! Oh Colin Farrell! Oh Alaric! Oh the world!

I had this whole sarcastic post planned about how, if Colin Farrell had been Alaric's vampire boyfriend instead of Damon, Alaric would have survived the events of season three but would have killed himself anyway because vampire!Colin Farrell would mean he'd gotten stuck in that shitty Fright Night remake and death would be preferable, but I don't have it in me to get bitchy now because OH MY GOD THE BITTERSWEET SADNESS OF THAT ENDING! I actually have sadness in my very arms, it is so sad! Oh!

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