...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Fucking hell, I hate my job. My manager just denied me a payrise because, I shit you not, apparently I'm too negative. I just felt like saying, of course I'm negative, have you failed to notice what a completely fucking awful job this is? And despite how incredibly soul-destroyingly shit it is, I still completely kill at it, so in fact you should be kissing my ass for being awesome and not going on a kill-rampage through the call centre. And also, do you really think keeping me on my current pittance is the way to get me to cheer the fuck up? Because being poor doesn't exactly help me stay perky, fucknuts!

I bet Todd would have given me a raise. Or killed me. Either way, sweet relief.

So anyway, as I was saying before I got distracted by the unexpected WONDERFULNESS of the Lost Boys 2, I'm starting a campaign to get Todd elected as Prime Minister of Britain. Obviously, I will expect all of you to join me in my mission, but not through my usual methods of threatening and insulting. Oh no, this time I will persuade you with the force of my SUPERIOR LOGIC!

...except I got bored of writing things, so I made a poster instead. BE INSPIRED!



I was going to make one that had him pointing with the caption "Your country needs YOU... for food," but I couldn't draw a pointing hand.

Anyway, although my immense skill as an artist should be enough to win you over, here is the quick version of why Todd should be Prime Minister:

1. While he is without doubt a parasite who lives from draining the life out of others, this does not actually make him any different to any other British political figure at this time. You all knew I was going to make that point, so don't look suprised.
   
   
2. There are too many dolees, old people, retards and general scratters out there. I have to talk to most of them on a daily basis. If he eats them all, my job will get easier and we can spend taxpayers money on cool things like lasers instead of benefits for scrouging pikeys.
   
   
3. He actually consults his people before getting them involved in illegal wars, listens to what they say, and if they refuse to participate, lets them go on their merry life-sucking way.
   
   
4. He has a space ship. MORE THAN ONE!
   
   
5. He never lets his people become the bitch of any other country, civilization or fucked-up hybridized Michealthings. Unlike the British government, who have succesffuly turned England into Americas zipper-mouthed gimp. I'm just sayin', Todd wouldn't stand for that shit.
   
   
6. He has a cool beard. Does David Cameron have a cool beard? I don't think so.

And I know some of you are thinking, "Okay Froodle, you're very blase about letting him eat all the people you hate, but you wouldn't be so sanguine if it was you on the end of his bitin' hand," so let me just point out that I work in customer service, which is remarkably similar to having the life sucked out of you except worse because you don't ever die! Plus at least if I was Wraithchow, I wouldn't have to pay rent or utilities on my own snug little cocoon, and I wouldn't have to talk on the 'phone while I was waiting to be eaten.

Oh God, you guys! I was going to write a post here about how we should all vote for Todd as our next Prime Minister, and then maybe let him eat our old government once he wins (landslide victory, running on a "wearing black leather and eating people" platform) but I just watched Lost Boys 2: the Tribe, and oh, it was beautiful beyond words! I mean, okay, I got a bit annoyed with the gratuitous titty shots, but all of those people died, so that's okay. Andandand Corey Feldman! And make sure you watch the credits and the alternate scenes and just generally revel in how completely unexpectedly WONDERFUL it is.

Don't watch the music videos, though. They are lame.

Also, if anyone wants to earn my undying love, they will write Lost Boys 2 porn. Any pairing, I don't even care, I love them all so much.

In news that involves neither vampires nor imaginary life-sucking aliens running for office, I am very displeased with the non-studliness of the actors being cast to play werewolves over the last two decades. I mean, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Jackman, I can totally understand, but James Spader? The French guy from SWAT? Josh from Dead Man on Campus? Fucking Pacey?!* Also, how is Jack Nicholson versus James Spader in any way a contest? I could kick the shit out of James Spader. Scooter the Happy Pony could kick the shit out of James Spader. So could a small bundle of twigs and your daddy. Working seperately. For the edification of future film-makers, I have compiled a list of actors who have a level of studliness adequate for playing a werewolf**. Read it, learn it, live it.

Colin Farrel
Daddy Winchester
Ian McShane
Adam Baldwin
Edward James Olmos
James Remarr
Edward Norton
Keifer Sutherland
Idina Menzel (yes, just as it is possible for a man to be man-pretty, it is possible for a woman to be girl-studly)
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrel (so studly, he gets listed twice)
Idris Elba
Omar
Russel Crowe
Seth Bullock
Joe Flanigan
Christian Bale
Jordan Collier (Shawn can be his little werewolf bitch in this case)
Mark Anthony
Nathan Petrelli
Robert Downey Jnr (Jake Gyllenhaal can be his little werewolf bitch)
Denzel Washington
Gabriel Byrne
Ryan O'Reilly
Gerard Butler
Brendan Fraser
Scripps

As you can see, there are plenty of studly actors to choose from when making your werewolf movie. So please stop casting little wussy he-bitches unless they're Shawn from the 4400 or Robert Greysmith from Zodiac. Actually, if anyone wants to do a werewolf sequel to Zodiac, replete with Paul/Robert sexin', I will sell you my first-born child.

*Uh, those last two are seperate issues, I didn't mean it as "Josh from Dead Man on Campus fucking Pacey". Cooper would cut Pacey like the little bitch that he is, were that the case.

**Where I didn't know, or just couldn't be bothered to look up, an actors name, I just listed him under a character name.