(no subject)

[froodle]

I return!

After two weeks in a desolate wasteland of cardboard boxes, irate rabbit and total lack of an internet connection, I have at last managed to find my way home to Livejournal. You may all remove the black mourning bands from your arms now.

During my soujourn in the arid plains of Internyet*, I have had many adventures, mostly involving trips to the park accompanied by my nobel bunny companion (who, it transpires, likes to chase squirrels, thus proving my theory that he secretly believes he's a cat) and trips to the cinema with my no less nobel but somewhat less soft, fuzzy and strokable human friends.

Went to see Batman Begins, in which Liam Neeson is a bondage ninja, Cillian Murphy is pretty, Micheal Caine does not say "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" (woe!), Morgan Freeman is awesome and Gary Oldman is... really skinny. And short. Also, Katie Holmes does not get shot in the back of the head with a nail gun, which is pretty much the only flaw in the entire film.

Did I mention that Liam Neeson was a ninja? That is so awesome. I'm going to get a little Ninja!Liam Neeson doll and make him wrestle in a homoerotic manner with fight my Jedi!Liam Neeson doll.

Afterwards, we were debating whether to watch Saw or Red Dragon, and we got to talking about the difference between horror movies that scare you in a fun, enjoyable way - like a rollercoaster - and horror movies that leave you a sweating, shivering nervous wreck who can't sleep for two days *cough*the Ring*cough*. Then Jess suggested Miss Congeniality 2...

Froodle: *laughter*
Jess: What?
Froodle: I'm sorry, it's just we're talking about movies that inspire fear and horror and you mention a Sandra Bullock film.
Alan: Well, she is horrifying.
Froodle: I didn't watch 28 Days Later when it first came out, despite everyone telling me it was awesome, because I got confused between it and a Sandra Bullock film called 28 Days.
Jess: I can't picture Sandra Bullock in a zombie movie...
Froodle: Are you kidding? Most nightmarish thing ever - instead of monkeys, a bunch of stupid hippies unleash the terror that is Sandra Bullock upon the world.
Alan: Everyone who exchanges bodily fluids with her becomes a talentless, irritating bint whose very presence makes any film fifty times more annoying than it already was.
Froodle: Oh God, the London underpass filled with hordes of slavering Sandra Bullock clones! Only Cillian Murphy can save us now!
Alan: Are you kidding? Fear gas is useless against the reality of a thousand Sandra Bullocks.
Froodle: He will trample her with his magical Fear Horse while shielding himself from her evil with his Potato Sack of Immunity!

*This is a pune, or a play on words.

Comments

[saiyuki-goku.livejournal.com]

Froodle Returns....sounds like a blockbuster movie to me. Glad to have ya back. I really have to see that movie. *searches for movie times*

[froodle]

I think it lends itself well to a trilogy or two. It would be called Livejournal Wars, and tell a bold tale of daring-do as a select band of heroes battle against the corruption of an evil empire:

Episode One: The Phantom Froodle

In which a small, annoying version of Froodle runs around and is small and annoying. Also stars LIAM NEESON for no particular reason other than his general awesomeness.

Episode Two: Attack of the Username Clones

In which an angsty pubescent Froodle romances her ice-cream, in strict defiance of the Frozen Yoghurt Council. Contains horrible dialogue about ice-cream being soft, not coarse like sand. Unless it's ice-cream eaten on the beach, in which case sand is inevitable.

Episode Three: Revenge of the Froodle

More things happen, I don't know. Froodle kills small, ability-challenged child actors. Daniel Radcliffe IZ DED! Froodle then falls into a volcano and becomes an EVIL BLACK ROBOT! Ewan McGregor WEARS A BEARD! It is the most important cinematic event of our time! Yay!

Episode Four: A New Username

Evil Black Robot Froodle blows up a planet out of spite. Because I can! Something about an annoying farmboy. More sand. Everyone hates sand. Alec Guiness dies. Dr Kelso from Scrubs is the Emporer. Why? BECAUSE I SAY SO!

Episode Five: Froodle Strikes Back

Annoying farmboy gets his hand cut off. Everyone laughs, because that right there is Comedy Gold. Some folk get dipped in vats of liquid metal and sold as examples of modern sculpture. Rich people pay vast amounts of money for this, because people are stupid, and Evil Black Robot Froodle makes a fortune, but does not buy a new respirator.

Episode Six: Return of the Froodle

Dancing teddybears are involved. Hayden Christensen is in it for No Reason Whatsoever. I kick R2D2 to death because he Pisses Me Off! His stupid little droid body is no match for my Evil Black Robot Legs!

[imbeiaiel.livejournal.com]

Also, Katie Holmes does not get shot in the back of the head with a nail gun, which is pretty much the only flaw in the entire film.

Seconded and thirded :). Glad that you're back.

[froodle]

I feel confident in saying that including such a scene would have raised BB from "totally awesome" to "head-explodingly fantastic". They wouldn't have even had to justify it; Batman could just be like, *nailgun*, and Katie Holmes would be all, *iz Ded* and the Scarecrow would be like, "Wtf?" and Batman would be all, *shrugs* and then they get right on with the rest of the film. Because seriously, she contributes that little to the story. She's pointless even by the normal standards of Pointless Love Interests.

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

what if they did that and showed the TROO RELAYSHUNSHIP between johnathan and batbale? huh? that's right off your rating chart so it cant happen, You Just NEGATED SEX!

[froodle]

Nu-uh. See, there's a different chart for films containing actual scenes of hot man-on-man action. Otherwise you could have a film that was completely crappy which would win against a film that was completely awesome just because in the crappy film, two male leads kiss, and in the awesome film, they don't. Do you want to live in a world where the shitty American remake of Queer as Folk is a better TV show than say, Red Dwarf or My Family? I thought not.

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

actually red dwarf Does have a scene of man on man ness.
only it was so utterly gross that the film reel spontaneously combusted before it could be seen by Anyone.
however, i have been well informed that it involves lister, rimmer and a pot of curry flavoured lube.



evil laugh: *echoes around in menacing manner*

[froodle]

Well, now I have to kill myself to purge that image from my mind. Thanks a lot.