...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

I had my last Jurisprudence seminar today. I'm going to miss it like crazy next semester. Today's topics of discussion:

1) Americans don't have jurisprudence. They just steal it from us and add some references to baseball and the holes in doughnuts to make it sound more American.

2) American chocolate tastes foul and makes you fatter than English or Canadian chocolate. Someone somewhere is rubbing their hands together and laughing evilly.

3) Probably not George Bush, though, since he lacks the intellectual capacity needed for evil laughter.

4) We miss Bill Clinton. His scandals were funny.

5) If George Bush got a blowjob in the White House, he still wouldn't get kicked out; people would just say it made him more human. Also, said blowjob would probably be from Tony Blair.

6) Hercules is merely a device for injecting some homoerotic subtext into work that would otherwise just be baseball analogies and doughnut holes.

7) Whether Colin Farrell as Alexander is better than Brad Pitt as Achilles (a fairly even split on this, although we agree unanimously that Orlando Bloom as Paris sucks and that the fight scene between him and Redbeard was hilarious: "Oh shit, crows!")

In this latest installment of Froodle's Adventures in Jurisprudence, I learned that Dworkin created a kind of super-judge, with unlimited time, resources and knowledge, to be the Ultimate Force in Judgehood. His name was Hercules.

Yeah. Seriously.

Rest of the lecture was spent fantasing about the adventures of Super Judge, as, muscles bulging from beneath form-fitting spandex, cape blowing attractively in a non-existant breeze, coiffed judgin' wig perched atop his ruggedly handsome visage, he travels the country, righting legal wrongs and beating the crap out of Lord Denning. Man, that would be so cool. I'm totally putting Super Judge in my movie.

We have a new Evidence lecturer. He hypnotised me with his checked pink and white shirt and blue tie with pink polka dots. He started talking about brown shoes and all I could think of was James D'Arcy in "Case of Evil" where he goes all fashion critic on Token Love Interest. Silly James D'Arcy. His power is to make time move at an incredibly slow rate. I know this not only because the previous century went by faster than his one-hour lecture, but because Steve's dictaphone got all fucked up and only recorded 25 minutes. Take heed! The dictaphone warns us!

About the lecturer, not James D'Arcy.