...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

In this latest installment of Froodle's Adventures in Jurisprudence, I learned that Dworkin created a kind of super-judge, with unlimited time, resources and knowledge, to be the Ultimate Force in Judgehood. His name was Hercules.

Yeah. Seriously.

Rest of the lecture was spent fantasing about the adventures of Super Judge, as, muscles bulging from beneath form-fitting spandex, cape blowing attractively in a non-existant breeze, coiffed judgin' wig perched atop his ruggedly handsome visage, he travels the country, righting legal wrongs and beating the crap out of Lord Denning. Man, that would be so cool. I'm totally putting Super Judge in my movie.

We have a new Evidence lecturer. He hypnotised me with his checked pink and white shirt and blue tie with pink polka dots. He started talking about brown shoes and all I could think of was James D'Arcy in "Case of Evil" where he goes all fashion critic on Token Love Interest. Silly James D'Arcy. His power is to make time move at an incredibly slow rate. I know this not only because the previous century went by faster than his one-hour lecture, but because Steve's dictaphone got all fucked up and only recorded 25 minutes. Take heed! The dictaphone warns us!

About the lecturer, not James D'Arcy.

Heeheehee.

Hee.

Heehee.

Alan, Jess and James came 'round for the postponed post-birthday celebration tonight. Jess brought Cluedo, but this was no mere Cluedo. Oh no. This was the uber-special, one of a kind Us Cluedo.

Jess, Verity, Alan, James, Steve and I had all taken the place of the regular characters. A vibrator, whip, ballgag, pair of handcuffs, Jordan's breasts and Colin Firth were our weapons of choice. The locations became, among others, a sheep-shed, a dungeon, a confessional and an airplane.

I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Alan in the sheepshed with Colin Firth (the lucky bastard); Steve in the phonebox with the vibrator; James and Jordan's breasts in the copy room; and Verity in the graveyard with the whip were our final results. I never did get to visit the confessional with Colin Firth, and once again I lost every game (it's a lot harder to cheat at Cluedo than it is to cheat at Monopoly) but it was still genius. I want a copy.

So, today I remembered to look behind me before I made a crack about the amount of weed my lecturer smokes. This is good. Lecture consisted of moral implications of nailing hamsters to worktops and Sheryl Crow. Pretty sure he thinks I'm a psychopath now because I kept imagining him as a hamster dressed as Sheryl Crow and giving the lecture, and therefore giggling at random intervals. This is less good.

Was going to go out and get Les Bijoux 5, but am scared in case Lapis and Carnelian end up not having the hot sexy mansex. Even more scared in case I'm subjected to hideous Diamond/Lazuli nonsense. Fuck you, Diamond. Fuck you and your traumatic ass-raping boyhood. And Lazuli? Needs a slap on a Disney's Little Mermaid scale.

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Update, 4.22pm

So, actually plucked up the courage to go to Evidence lecture this afternoon - avoided them all last week due to lecturer-slagging-related embarrasment. First thing Verity said when she sat down:

"So, you decided to face the wrath of the Aging Hippy?"

Curse you, Verity.

Then Steve fell asleep during the lecture and drooled and snored. Gallently resisted urge to draw on his face as was sitting three rows from where AH stood. Did not prevent AH from making very pointed comment about staying awake at the end of the lecture. Steve said something about listening was also mentioned, but Verity and I obviously weren't paying attention, because we didn't hear it.

At least Steve doesn't talk in his sleep.

Also, may have accused V. of being a dominatrix with a penguin fetish within AH's hearing. Suspect he now has very low opinions of all three of us. Ironically, he's my favourite lecturer out of all the ones we've had. Curse you, Fate! I would change you if I had a machine that could do so. Or at least replace all my blood with "Not saying/doing spacktarded things in front of people you'd like to think well of you" blood.