...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

OH MY GOD, I love Loretta so much. She is like, the best character to ever get knocked up on television in the history of mankind. She tries to start a bidding war for her baby! And Van and Pascal and Cheryl keep trying to get her to hold it and feed it and stuff and every time they're all watching wide-eyed waiting for her maternal instincts to kick in and she's just like, "Meh" and hands in back and they're like OH LORETTA WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL? and she's all, WHO KNOWS NOW I HAVE TO GO BURN SOME SHIT DOWN AND MAYBE FRAME MY FATHER FOR BANK ROBBERY!

Oh, which is also another reason I love her - the way her revenge is completely disproportionate to the slight against her. Like when Hayden dumps her, which is a bit mean, so she burns down his house, or her dad is a bit sneery about her ideas for CRIME, so she frames him for bank robbery and gets Jethro to help her but totally doesn't give him any money.

Oh, and speaking of Jethro, Antony Starr is kind of beautiful and lovely too. I love that bit where he's playing Jethro playing Van during the scene where he shags Cheri, so he's Jethro's take on Van and he's like, an extra-thick version of Van, and then every now and then he'll respond to something she says and he'll look away and smile this evil little Jethro smile before he turns back to look at her.

And oh, that bit where Wolf is in jail and he thinks it's Van who helped Loretta and of course Van doesn't know what he's talking about and Wolf gets mad and is all, "Tell me, you fucking retard!" and Van's face just freezes and Wolf looks horrified because their whole family is so careful not to say it and oh man, kicked puppies have looked less hurt and betrayed than Antony Starr in that scene.

In conclusion, Outrageous Fortune is beautiful, everyone should watch it and if you don't, you suck.

Dudes, Outrageous Fortune is so good, I am completely amazed by both its non-shoddiness and its entire lack of ridiculous facepaint and zombie sheep. Also, Antonia Prebble can actually act* (and is a bit hot too), the psycho peadophile bootcamp instructor who debauches Lex is kind of awesome and likable and not a creepy violent child-molester at all and Van is so adorable, oh my God, there should be a show that is just Van and Munter running around being stoned and ineffective and beautiful.

Also, and totally unrelated, Jared Leto so needs a new show. He's pretty, and all of my favourite shows have either ended or started to suck in the not-fun way, and his band is fucking awful, so clearly he needs to be back on television. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of myself and El Snithador, we have been unable to come up with the perfect vehicle for Jared Leto's particular brand of prettiness and indeterminate acting abilities.

I think the problem is that the stuff he's been in doesn't really give us a handle on what he can and can't do. I mean, let's break down Jared Leto's key strengths, as demonstrated in his most memorable roles:

• My So-Called Life: He plays Jordan Catalano, a role that consists of leaning against things and making goo-goo eyes at Claire Danes. Oh, and Brian in that one really strange episode where the show went all Cyrano on us.
  
• American Psycho: Christian Bale hits him in the face with an axe. Everyone laughs. Yes, it was fucking hilarious, but it seems like Batbale did all the work in that scene.
  
• Alexander: He wears a lot of eyeliner and follows Colin Farrell around while gazing at him in adoration. This isn't actually acting at all, as everyone has that reaction to Colin Farrell. Don't believe me? Watch the extras, Oliver Stone does the exact same thing every time Colin is on set.

So, what we need is a show that allows him to be pretty and a bit gay, without having to keep up with any actors who are prettier or more talented than him and without requiring to do anything too difficult, like excessive emoting or long speeches. I've also ruled out the following things:

• No shows about vampires. There's no point doing anything with vampires while True Blood is on the air, because Alan Ball is just going to laugh at us and pee in our faces. If this was a couple of years ago when all we had to contend with was Moonlight and Blood Ties, it would be different, but True Blood will outclass us and make us look bad.
  
• No shows with Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas, the Dave or Daddy Winchester. They're all hotter and/or better at acting than Jared, and that's not allowed.
  
• No shows about werewolves. Jared is a girly pretty-boy, and there have been enough non-manly werewolves in the past without him adding to their degradation.

Anything else is fair game, and so I open the floor to suggestions. Jared fights crime? Jared does crime? Jared is in space? Pitch your ideas in the comments, post them in your own LJ, make them an entry on 30SecondsToMarsSuckMonkeyBalls: go nuts! Let's start the Jared Leto TV Revival, and bring passable good looks and mediocre talent back to our screens where he belongs!

*Michelle Ang, however, cannot.