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Sep. 2nd, 2013 07:17 amGANNICUS!!! Oh my God dudes, that was so awesome, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!
So basically, Crixus, Onemaius and that one other dude were gonna get executed in the arena (because, you know where a bunch of gladiators are gonna be totally unfamiliar and at a disadvantage? a fight in an arena against a bunch of other gladiators) and the dude the romans hired to do it was GANNICUS!!!
So crixus was all, "how can he do this?!" I guess because he's not totally over the little fanboy crush he had on Gannicus back in the day, and Onemaius is like, "because he sucks" and then they're out on the sand and Gannicus is like, "hey dudes" and Onemaius is like, "BITCH DID YOU BONE MY WIFE?!" and Gannicus is all, "well, this is a totally awkward place to have this conversation..." and Onemaius is like "AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHH TIME FOR STABBING" and then basically SHIT IS GETTIN' REAL.
And in the meantime Spartacus and his dudes are chillin' at this old temple, and this old hermit dude is like, "bros im a roman but im totally on your side, ps how about rescuin' some crixus?" and obviously Spartacus 2 is just like, "its rescuin' time!", like jumping in the air and pumping his fist because the new Spartacus straight up LOVES rescuin' bitches.
oh, also, there is a great bit somewhere near the start (my brain is a bit Gannicus'd so the exact order of shit is blurry) where Agron apologises for not going to the mines to rescue Naevia and Spartacus 2 is totally graceful about accepting his apology, totally confirming my belief that Spartacus 2 is actually Steve Rogers in disguise.
So anyway, Spartacus and his dudes swim into the basement of the arena through this pool of entrails, and its totally gross and I love Crixus and Naevia but at te point where you asked me to swim through corpse goo I'd be like, fuck it, she'll move on in time, which is probably why i am not a main character on a show about dudes being loyal and defying the odds and also i dont look half as good in booty shorts as crixus and whatever i forgot my words.
uh, anyway, so agron and spartacus 2 are dressed as guards, and gannicus is waiting to go out and kill his bros, and spartacus is like, isnt that kind of a dick move? and gannicus is like, whatevs, you dont get to judge my morals, and i have to say i dont get it either but maybe that is because gannicus is wearing ASSLESS CHAPS so my brain is melted. probably that is also why spartacus doesnt get it either. the assless chaps are SUPER DISTRACTING.
okay, so then fighting. and mira is setting fire to the underside of the arena, and its basically exactly like heathers, dudes cheering and stamping and smoke rising. then mira is like, fuck this, theres dudes in booty shorts and assless chaps out there and im missing it, pull this fucking arena down!! which is totally fair, and is also exactly what happens.
so roman dudes are being killed by massive gouts of terrible cgi, and the gladiator that isnt crixus or onemaius dies, and all the enemy gladiators are dead, and the arena falls on gannicus, who literally shields himself and onemaius from falling masonary with two swords, coz he's that awesome.
so the dudes find him standing over onemaius's body, and they're gonna throw down, but then gannicus is like, whatevs, dont feel like spanking you bitches right now, help me save my best bro, and obv they are all in love with his great hair and assless chaps and epic coolness, so they do.
oh, and back in romanland, poodle has totally fucked herself because she was like, husband, im divorcing you because you're ugly and stupid and i hate you and you're shit in bed, but her dad dies in the arena so now she has to stay married and her husband is like, WHO IS SHIT IN BED? WHO IS IT?! FUCK YOU BITCH BEATINGS EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. so, you know, sucks to be her, but who the fuck cares, shes roman.
So basically, Crixus, Onemaius and that one other dude were gonna get executed in the arena (because, you know where a bunch of gladiators are gonna be totally unfamiliar and at a disadvantage? a fight in an arena against a bunch of other gladiators) and the dude the romans hired to do it was GANNICUS!!!
So crixus was all, "how can he do this?!" I guess because he's not totally over the little fanboy crush he had on Gannicus back in the day, and Onemaius is like, "because he sucks" and then they're out on the sand and Gannicus is like, "hey dudes" and Onemaius is like, "BITCH DID YOU BONE MY WIFE?!" and Gannicus is all, "well, this is a totally awkward place to have this conversation..." and Onemaius is like "AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHH TIME FOR STABBING" and then basically SHIT IS GETTIN' REAL.
And in the meantime Spartacus and his dudes are chillin' at this old temple, and this old hermit dude is like, "bros im a roman but im totally on your side, ps how about rescuin' some crixus?" and obviously Spartacus 2 is just like, "its rescuin' time!", like jumping in the air and pumping his fist because the new Spartacus straight up LOVES rescuin' bitches.
oh, also, there is a great bit somewhere near the start (my brain is a bit Gannicus'd so the exact order of shit is blurry) where Agron apologises for not going to the mines to rescue Naevia and Spartacus 2 is totally graceful about accepting his apology, totally confirming my belief that Spartacus 2 is actually Steve Rogers in disguise.
So anyway, Spartacus and his dudes swim into the basement of the arena through this pool of entrails, and its totally gross and I love Crixus and Naevia but at te point where you asked me to swim through corpse goo I'd be like, fuck it, she'll move on in time, which is probably why i am not a main character on a show about dudes being loyal and defying the odds and also i dont look half as good in booty shorts as crixus and whatever i forgot my words.
uh, anyway, so agron and spartacus 2 are dressed as guards, and gannicus is waiting to go out and kill his bros, and spartacus is like, isnt that kind of a dick move? and gannicus is like, whatevs, you dont get to judge my morals, and i have to say i dont get it either but maybe that is because gannicus is wearing ASSLESS CHAPS so my brain is melted. probably that is also why spartacus doesnt get it either. the assless chaps are SUPER DISTRACTING.
okay, so then fighting. and mira is setting fire to the underside of the arena, and its basically exactly like heathers, dudes cheering and stamping and smoke rising. then mira is like, fuck this, theres dudes in booty shorts and assless chaps out there and im missing it, pull this fucking arena down!! which is totally fair, and is also exactly what happens.
so roman dudes are being killed by massive gouts of terrible cgi, and the gladiator that isnt crixus or onemaius dies, and all the enemy gladiators are dead, and the arena falls on gannicus, who literally shields himself and onemaius from falling masonary with two swords, coz he's that awesome.
so the dudes find him standing over onemaius's body, and they're gonna throw down, but then gannicus is like, whatevs, dont feel like spanking you bitches right now, help me save my best bro, and obv they are all in love with his great hair and assless chaps and epic coolness, so they do.
oh, and back in romanland, poodle has totally fucked herself because she was like, husband, im divorcing you because you're ugly and stupid and i hate you and you're shit in bed, but her dad dies in the arena so now she has to stay married and her husband is like, WHO IS SHIT IN BED? WHO IS IT?! FUCK YOU BITCH BEATINGS EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. so, you know, sucks to be her, but who the fuck cares, shes roman.
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