...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Do you think that if I could get a doctor to certify me as being wanktard-intolerent, I could go on permanent medical leave and never work again? Because pretty much all jobs are going to involve some level of wanktardery, and if it was possible I might die from it, they'd pretty much have to pay me incapacity benefit or something, right? That would be awesome.

What is decidedly not awesome is when some numbnuts decides to pull me away from my massive workload in order to "talk to you all about NPS." Dick, I know what NPS is. I am part of the motherfucking trial. I am at my desk every day calling these jizzstain customers back and recording their moronic comments verbatim. I do not need a fucking presentation on your lameass board with it's lameass charts. I MADE THE FUCKING CHARTS! I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, DILHOLE! And it especially pisses me off when I am subjected to their idiotic attempt at a peptalk. I do not respond well to peptalks. I don't respond well to pep. In particular, I do not respond well to peptalks about how a certain thing is working fabulously when I know that is not the case because, and pay attention here, I AM PART OF THE GODDAMN TRIAL TEAM! Do not fucking lie to me, I am by nature both smart and cynical, and when someone shines shit and tries to call it gold it makes me very fucking cranky indeed!

Urgh!

In other news, I think there should be a show that is made up of characters who are either too good for their original show or who wound up being screwed over on it. Lafayette from True Blood and T-Bear from Supernatural would be the stars and they would fight crime, in between T-Bear's bouts of crying and attempting to kill himself and Lafayette's secondary but much for lucrative career as a go-go dancer. Josef from Moonlight would be the local crime kingpin - he'd sort of be their stated enemy, but really it would be one of those relationships where they have a grudging kind of respect for each other and sometimes Josepf would help them out dealing with other, baddier baddies. The main baddie would be the Carver from Nip/Tuck, only back when the Carver was still really fucking terrifying, before we found out it was just dumb old Quentin behind the mask. Zack Addy would be the adorkable gender-ambiguous lab assistant nature always intended him to be, and everyone would keep a stern eye on him to make sure it stayed that way. Mark Anthony would pop up every now and then as a time-travelling manwhore/adventurer - a bit like Jack Harkness only not rubbish or in Wales. Also, Jeremy Renner would get to be in it all the time and not die.

Dudes. Dudes.

What is this?



Why are Vorenus and Mark Anthony in bed together? Where is Pullo in all this? And most importantly, how come it's not on my DVDs? Help, dudes!

In other news, everyone should watch How To Rob a Bank, as it is marvellous and is basically just Ben from Carnivale ranting about bank surcharges while locked in a vault for ninety minutes. It's like someone made a film out of the opening scene from I Am The Messanger. In other words, it is beautiful and if you don't agree you're probably a rapist or something else bad!

Dudes. Dudes! Why are you not all watching the Wire now that the BBC has finally gotten its fucking retarded act together and started showing it on normal TV?

Or to put it another way: watch the Wire. Or you suck.

PS: Also watch Rome. Then be a bit in love with Vorenus. Then come here and talk to me about it so I don't feel like I'm all alone with my embarrasing Vorenuscrush.

PPS: If you wanted to come here and talk about how hot Mark Anthony is instead, and maybe post some pictures of James Purefoy being naked and/or menacing, that would be totally okay aswell.