...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Dudes. Dudes! I just got back from seeing incandescens, where there was cake and the final episodes of Avatar and an awesome musical version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and a really bizarre Teen Titans two-parter that involved the bastard lovechild of Winston Churchill and Stephen Hawkings (hahah, I know I made at least two of you die a little inside just from reading that) and, and!

A musical version of Jekyll and Hyde starring David Hasselhoff!

I haven't watched all of it yet, but you guys, it's so utterly wrongsick I cannot express it with mere mouthwords. The Hoff gurns and sings atrociously and gropes random corpses and wears a waistcoat that is made of utter fail. I am saving the rest of it for next weekend, when HAG will be over and we can combine forces to give it the scorn-filled adulation it deserves, but in the meantime, I leave you with this thought:

I would still rather watch that than have to sit through How To Lose Friends And Alienate People again.

That's right, Simon Pegg. You now rank lower than the Hoff on my list of human beings. I hope you're proud.

Urgh. I just got back from seeing How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, and oh my God, it was fucking awful. I swear, I actually have terminal cancer as a result of sitting through that crap. What was even worse was that they kept on jibbering about La Dolce Vita and reminding me of Meghan from the 4400, and then all I could think of was how much better my night would be if I was in fact watching the 4400 instead of this utter tripe. Or even if they just randomly start importing characters from the 4400 into the movie until eventually they took over and it became 4400: the Movie. Like, first Kevin would appear and be caustic and cutting on a level Simon Pegg's fucking retarded character could only dream of, and make everyone cry like little bitches. Then Rivertess would cross over and start ordering people to kill themselves. Shawn would try to heal them, but Jordan would convince him that they deserve to die for the shame they have brought upon the world. Diana and Tom would stand in the background looking earnest and torn. Finally, the movie ends with Jordan and his magnificent beard gloriously rendered on the big screen. FIN!

Anyway, my hot chocolate is now ready, so I'm going to go drink it and watch 4400 and allow the Jordanbeard to console my grief at having wasted a perfectly servicable evening. Oh Jordanbeard. You are like a comfort blanket made from pure manipulative beautifulness.