(no subject)

[froodle]

I have a pet lily. He lives in a glass vase and is covered with blue sparkles. I call him Hephestion.

I've decided, what I really need this year is a hobbit. Someone to carry all my shopping, do my cooking and cleaning, sing and dance for my edutainment, and stand around being cute when not otherwise occupied. Not Frodo, though. I can do without listening to him whine on about how he can't do my laundry because his Weathertop wound is hurting, or he can't carry my books because his gold bling is weighing him down. Maybe something in a Pippin...

Comments

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

well that's an excellent choice certainly, seeing as the pippin comes in both regular and dress-up-doll variety. both sets of course come fully equiped with singing voice and soap making apparatus along with other useful bathroom niceities that should cater to the new owner's every whim. included of course is a full knowledge of cookery, waistcoat and scarf wearing and popular games, including the famous hobbitish "one, two, three, clean my shoes you damn dirty ape" and none other than "sex cluedo".
it is recommended that purchases be made asap as christmas stock is sure to swiftly run low, due to the fact that this is an original item and no reproductions will be for sale, now or in the future. As a singular purchase the pippin may become lonely therefore it is also recommended that a companion be purchased at the same time (the best for this is the merry who acts in perfect accordance with the pippin). Mixing the pair while young will result in an amicable attitude between the two that may be absent should they meet later in life (this however can be countered should the boromir be the belated partner). Unless you plan to breed, two males is the safest option. Whichever sex the pippin is placed with he will immediately begin to "fuck like bunnies" unless of course opposite pair is a mongish duckowl.

[froodle]

I already have a Merry - belated birthday present from El Siblingo Attractivo. Very cute and almost perfect, apart from a tendancy to incite houseplants to random acts of violence. Excels in waistcoat-wearing and tummy-cuteness.

And no Boromirs, ever. Nobody needs a fucking klepto around the house. Besides, if you get a Boromir, sooner or later you have to buy a Faramir, and suddenly half your paycheque is going on tissues and they're not even being used for wanking. Faramirs are just too high maintenance.

Besides, think of all the money I'll save with my very own hobbit-soap-making factory. Mmm, hobbits.

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

you could even sell the scentyfreshness
there's a Huge market for anything pervy and hobbitish.

which is all well an good but with the truth of the boromir=klepto a sharpe would make a very fine ornament

*blissful grin* mmmmsharpe.

p.s. blue sparkles. nice touch.
*gives you New lily with PINK sparkles named bagoas the sinfully tartish*

[froodle]

sharpe would make a very fine ornament

Oh great. Now I have this image of Sharpe sitting on top of a Christmas tree, complete with harp, halo and "somebody will die for this" scowl.

Hephestion!lily: OMG HOR! *beats the crap out of Bagoas!lily*
Merry: *stands by and offers encouragement*
Bagoas!lily: *is keeled*
Froodle: *buys lily with GOLD sparkles and calls it Alexander*
Hephestion!lily and Alexander!lily: *flowery cuddlefest*

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

can flowers cuddle? seriously. that's like the ultimate nature question.

and omg wouldnt the alexander!lily get slapped alot by hephaestion!lily because he had pink sparkles on him.

[froodle]

A question that has baffled scientists throughout the ages.

And no, because Hephestion!lily is loving and full of forgiveness.

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

*mental image of the maturin trying to draw hephaestion/alexanderflowers'cuddlefest*

.....*blink*..........

*choked sob du fangirly overload*

[froodle]

And Jack would be all like, WTF!face, and Stephen would be all like, OMGSSSSHH! And Alexander!lily and Hephestion!lily would be all like, *continues cudding obliviously* and it would all be very aww-worthy.

mmmmmmm sparkles

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

and stephen would be all *adds little hearts around drawing*
and jack would be all *blink*
and stephen would be totally *draws obscene little stick-flowers and hints in obscure fashion*
and i would be all "SHAG you Bastards! it's Christmas FFS"

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

also. MENTAL IMAGE OMGWTF!!LOLONE!!!

*patents '"somebody will die for this" scowl'*

[froodle]

You can't patent it, Sean Bean already patented it. Scowl, little Yorkshireman, scowl!

[clay-mans-maker.livejournal.com]

well i can patent "harder than a blind lesbian's nipples at a fish market" instead then. seein' as i got all these patent forms all ready an all.