...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Why is there not more Nurse!Joker porn? No, seriously. Why? If you're reading this and you haven't written any yet, you should be ashamed. It makes me doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. Oh, and no Harvey, plzxthx. His stupid zombie-face annoys me.

On a totally different note, I feel it is necessary to state how much I love that episode of Miracles with Sherwood. I love it to the power of one of those sideways figures-of-eight. That scene where he's spinning the wheelchair around in a circle like a disco-dancin' Dalek, and he's going "doo-dee-doo-doo" in his Steven Hawkins machine-voice and the words are also appearing on his computer screen? So awesome, you guys. And also when Skeet tries to stop him from blocking the door and he's like, "Oh, nice, shove a cripple!"

I liked that bit in the Civil War episode where they're in the woods and Skeet's all, "We is lost," and Alva's like, "No, the trees are moving FROM SPOOKINESS!" and Skeet's like, *annoyed face*. Unlike his "I am sad/take me now" face, his "annoyed" face is always appropriate and unambiguous. I bet Alva does that all the time - like, they're trying to find an exit on the highway and they get lost and Alva's like, "Supernatural activities are causing the roads to move around!" and Skeet's like, *annoyed face* and Alva's like, "Skeet? Why are you putting on that Ghostface ma- argh oh no I am stabbed!"

I have never managed to stay awake during Hand of God, though. I don't know what it is, as it's pretty exciting with the murdering and all, but about the time Russ's firebug sidekick from Numb3rs hits Skeet with the iron, I doze off. I think the Skeet/Alva angst just disturbs me so much that my brain shuts down in self-defence.

So, today I'm sat there watching Miracles (shut up, I am not obsessed with Skeet Ulrich, I have just... developed a slight appreciation for him that I didn't have before) and dudes. Dudes! The guy playing Alva Keel is that crazy government dude who tries to set up Batbale's character in Equilibrium - not the guy played by my least favourite smug fuckwit Taye Diggs, I mean the one who was Father's Voice but then actually it turned out he was the secret king all along! And then I was watching Scream (shut up!) and I got to thinking about who would win in a fight between Batbale and Skeet Ulrich, and okay, in a serial killin' contest, clearly Batbale, but if there really was an Apocalypse, Skeet would be all, fixin' tractors and putting out fires and saving the day using only SALT and JAMES REMAR, and Batbale would be all like, "Le fuck! The economy is destroyed and without my money I actually can't do anything!" and Skeet Ulrich would laugh and kick some radioactive Denver Dust in his face.

Also, Sheriff Constantino is such a beardy fucking retard. He's all like, oh no, George Hearst, you can't have Skeet Ulrich and your other loser son back, because I'm the Secret King of Kansas, and George Hearst is like, I think you should give me Skeet and Reject Son back, and Sheriff Constantino is like, I said no, and I'm like, FUCK YOU SHERIFF CONSTANTINO, IS GEORGE HEARST GONNA HAVE TO CHOP SOME FINGERS?! BECAUSE HE'S DONE IT TO BADDER BADASSES THAN YOU, MY BEARDY FRIEND! And then George Hearst is like, Tank! For you! In your face! and that's no more than he deserves.