(no subject)

[froodle]

I meant to mention this ages and ages ago, but I've been watching (some might say obsessively watching, but they are mean people and I pay them no mind) the Moomins DVD I got a while back, and there's this one episode on there called Pirates in Moominvalley or something similar, and despite many, many years of sitting up 'til two in the morning when it aired on Boomerang, this is one episode that I have never seen on television.

And now I know why - it is so deeply, incredibly, hilariously wrong! Basically there's a big storm and a pirate ship is shipwrecked on Moominvalley. The Hemulen Inspector rounds up all the pirates and puts them in jail, except the Pirate Captain, who manages to get away. Eventually he is cornered by the townsfolk and takes the Snork Maiden hostage, demanding the release of his Pirates and a new ship. And this is where the wrongness comes in, because the way he talks abotu Snork Maiden is really disturbing - he keeps going on and on in this pervy Barbossa-style pirate accent about what a comely wench she is and how she's nicely curved and rounded and how pirates prefer blondes, and I;m sat there thinking "Oh my God, he's totally going to violate the Snork Maiden! She won't be the Snork Maiden anymore, she'll be the Syphillis-Raddled Snork Wench of the High Seas!"

Fortunately Moomin saves the day with a really over-complicated plot and the Snork Maiden's virtue remains intact, but dudes! So wrong! I must find a way to ensure that all the world's children are exposed to it somehow.

Now, on a totally different note, but probably still wrong because that is what I do best, I present crappy Eerie Indiana ficlets I wrote because I was bored and nobody suggested anything else fun for me to edutain myself with!

Milk

If he had remained in New Jersey , Marshall Teller would never have come to associate dairy products with loss. If he’d never come to Eerie, he wouldn’t have met Devon Wilde or accidentally unleashed the ghost of Tripp McConnell.

If his new home town hadn’t been quite so different, he wouldn’t have flinched every time the milk truck drove past his house.

Puberty

“X is the variable, a way of expressing an unknown quantity. Its parameters can only be defined by reference to the surrounding equation. For example, when the equation involves a TV studio and a shotgun, X is equal to ‘very bad things, usually involving bodily injury and/or death,’ yet in conjunction with a werewolf and creepy sacrificial rites, X can also be a force for good, even if he won’t admit it and acts like a total jerk if you ever bring it up…”

Marshall picked up the hefty textbook in one hand, weighed it thoughtfully, then sent it flying across the room to land with an ignominious thump nowhere near the far wall. Simon looked up from his own homework, flashing that wry smile that seemed far too old for him and contained understanding and amusement in equal measure.

“Algebra?”

“Puberty.”

Touch

Dash X does not like to be touched. Red-haired femme fatales in low-cut cat-suits, toothy-grinned Mayors in mothball scented tweed, zealous salesmen in zany patterned ties and tragic midlife ponytails – he keeps a careful distance, shies away at initial contact, keeping to that inviolate zone of personal space. He can’t stand to have his hair ruffled or a proprietary arm slung across his shoulder, as though he’s some precocious school kid being subtly chastised for speaking out of turn.

Somewhere there might be a mother whose hand on his face doesn’t make him flinch with revulsion, a father whose congratulatory slap on the back won’t feel like an encroachment. He thinks sometimes of that old guy tending bar at the Loyal Order of Corn, wonders if there’s something for him in that neon-lit world inside the TV.

But here in Eerie there are consolations, glossy brown hair and a half-embarrassed, half-excited grin, and a quick kiss, chaste and feather-light and holding the promise of things to come, that feels, for a moment, like home.

Comments

[chibimarchy.livejournal.com]

BRILLIANT. Crappy? Surely you jest. "Puberty" amuses me the greatest, though. :)

[froodle]

Yay, thank you! And by "crappy", what I really meant was "this was supposed to be TEN PAGES OF EPIC SMUT that would burn the eyes of all who read it!" This is what happens when I eat enough sugar to give me a lot of energy, but too much to be able to maintain my concentration for long periods.

[ravenbell.livejournal.com]

The last one makes me go "Awwwwww."

[froodle]

Hee! I aim to please. Well actually I aimed to write porn, but it seems my talents do not lie that way.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

These are great! I love "Puberty" and "Touch" is just plain sweet!

[froodle]

Thank you! I see over on EI that we can expect some fic from you in the near future too, that's awesome :)

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

Yup :D If I can just...figure out an ending...*headdesk*

[froodle]

If I may suggest: "rocks fall, everyone dies." There's a reason it's a classic. No, I kid! I will be sad if I read that.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

haha, it is a classic...I'll mull it over. *kicks muse* It was working like crazy last night when I started, but it went back to sleep

[froodle]

I hate it when that happens. Or when it's three in the morning and all you want is to get some sleep and your mind keeps giving you all these great ideas, but when you wake up in the morning, you cannot for the life of you recall what it was except that it was highly awesome and amusing.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, yeah. I hate those 'cause it's the "should I go to sleep or write this down" battle...that winds up keeping me awake anyway. lol.

[froodle]

Exactly! And then the next day you're tired and cranky and you don't even have ingenious writings to make up for it.

[eviinsanemonkey.livejournal.com]

Yup, it's such a shame!