froodle | (no subject) (Reply)

I need a gallon of wood alcohol, a brand-new set of murderin' knives and a dozen people who won't be missed to try them out on, and a ten foot by ten foot basket filled with puppies that I can go lie down in after. If I don't get these things, there is a very real chance that the two giant douchenozzles I share office space with are going to end up being slammed face-first into the nearest hard surface, after which I will attempt to remove said faces using only my teeth and nails, before throwing them screaming, bleeding and mutilated into a giant blender filled with crushed glass and lemon juice and hitting the "frappe" button.

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