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May. 2nd, 2008 01:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
froodleI LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Yes, I bet you all thought I had been eaten by monkeys or some other dreadful fate, but HAH! I survive! Actually, it's just that real life has been kicking my ass recently, which leaves me with neither the time nor the energy to come here and enlighten you all with my ramblings. UNTIL NOW!
However, I only have about twenty minutes before my time runs out on this computer, so I'll have to break everything down into bullet points:
I hate my job. Seriously. All my customers are fucktards. I could go into more detail, but it would only make me want to kill a bunch of people.
The new Skullduggery Pleasent book is awesome. Any book that opens with a would-be serial killer getting punched in the face and then crying like a bitch is a winner in my eyes. Although, seriously, how obvious is it that China Sorrows and Mister Bliss are the big bad guys for Book 3? (This does not count as a spoiler, before anyone starts crying like a face-punched serial killer, because the third book hasn't come out yet. So shut up your face!) Also, read the dedications. I would marry Derek Landy if he wasn't so clearly mad.
Clark Johnson, the dude who directed SWAT, wants to reunite the cast and use them to produce Moulin Rouge 2. If you think I am lying, listen to the director's commentary. I think it would totally work - Colin Farrell can play Satine, Penn can play Christian, Samuel L Jackson can play Zidler, Sanchez can be the Argentinian and LL Cool J will be Toulouse. Capt. Fuller, of course, will be playing the part of the evil Duke. Naturally some parts will have to be changed - that bit at the start where Penn is at his typewriter and he says "this story about love" will be changed to "this story is about ZOMBIES!". And while diamonds may be a girl's best friend, Colin Farrell would probably prefer explosions, or whiskey. Or both! Instead of punching the Duke at the premier of Spectacular, Spectacular, Samuel L Jackson will taser him in his face, possibly will shouting about how he's sick of these motherfuckin' Dukes! And last but not least, Colin Farrell is clearly far too manly to be taken down by consumption, s instead I suggest that he is bitten by a werewolf and has to leave town to fight crime with his new werewolf powers! That or like, kill people and eat them. Actually, that would work better. I'm going to write to Clark Johnson and ask if I can write the script. He wouldn't even need to pay me. He could just give me a couple of Colin Farrell's old shirts - one for me, one for eBay. Everybody wins!
On a related note, there needs to be a film (possibly the sequel to Moulin Rouge 2: Now with ZOMBIES!) in which Colin Farrel and Skeet Ulrich are werewolves, and they fight to be the boss werewolf, but then at the end Edward Norton comes along and makes them his werewolf bitches, like we all know he can.
Also, there should be a TV show involving redneck vampires who are not detectives or the sidekicks of detectives or involved any way in the fighting of crime. Unless the "crime" is polluting America with liberalism and stuff. And it would be awesome, because they'd be all sad that they couldn't go to lynchings in daylight on account of catching fire. And finding food would be really hard, because obviously they wouldn't want to feed on their White Power brethren, but at the same time, if you honestly believe all other races have dirty blood, you're not going to want to eat them either. And they'd drive pickups and play banjoes, because that's what hillbillies do and this is my show and I can do what I like.
OZ, while containing lots of gay sex, is not at all homoerotic. Also, I cannot take Keller seriously because to me he is the weird doll-collecting doctor from Scrubs. The whole thing would be much improved if there were more hi-jinx from the Brothers O'Reilly, and also if Jerico was revealed to be the mastermind at the end of the series. ALL YOUR SOULS BELONG TO JERICO! OBEY HIM!
The animated (ie non-Fuzzy Felt version) of the Moomins is out on DVD! Buy it! For God's sake, buy it now or we might never get the whole series! Also, the Ant Lion is fucking terrifying.
In Bruges is awesome. Seriously. Go and see it or die a loser.
Rent is a lot more depressing than I remember.
Blade: the Series is silly. But not in a camp, not-taking-itself-seriously way like Van Helsing, in a "I am deadly serious and this is all unrelentingly grim" way. I like it, but seriously, where is Hannibal King?
Due South is stupid. Ignore anything the Southernator tells you to the contrary, she is quite mad and a liar to boot.
John Connolly is giving a talk at the Leeds City Art Gallery on May 23. He's got a new book out this month but for some reason, I cannot find a fucking release date. But still, yay!
Anyway, that's all for now, so GOOD DAY!
Yes, I bet you all thought I had been eaten by monkeys or some other dreadful fate, but HAH! I survive! Actually, it's just that real life has been kicking my ass recently, which leaves me with neither the time nor the energy to come here and enlighten you all with my ramblings. UNTIL NOW!
However, I only have about twenty minutes before my time runs out on this computer, so I'll have to break everything down into bullet points:
I hate my job. Seriously. All my customers are fucktards. I could go into more detail, but it would only make me want to kill a bunch of people.
The new Skullduggery Pleasent book is awesome. Any book that opens with a would-be serial killer getting punched in the face and then crying like a bitch is a winner in my eyes. Although, seriously, how obvious is it that China Sorrows and Mister Bliss are the big bad guys for Book 3? (This does not count as a spoiler, before anyone starts crying like a face-punched serial killer, because the third book hasn't come out yet. So shut up your face!) Also, read the dedications. I would marry Derek Landy if he wasn't so clearly mad.
Clark Johnson, the dude who directed SWAT, wants to reunite the cast and use them to produce Moulin Rouge 2. If you think I am lying, listen to the director's commentary. I think it would totally work - Colin Farrell can play Satine, Penn can play Christian, Samuel L Jackson can play Zidler, Sanchez can be the Argentinian and LL Cool J will be Toulouse. Capt. Fuller, of course, will be playing the part of the evil Duke. Naturally some parts will have to be changed - that bit at the start where Penn is at his typewriter and he says "this story about love" will be changed to "this story is about ZOMBIES!". And while diamonds may be a girl's best friend, Colin Farrell would probably prefer explosions, or whiskey. Or both! Instead of punching the Duke at the premier of Spectacular, Spectacular, Samuel L Jackson will taser him in his face, possibly will shouting about how he's sick of these motherfuckin' Dukes! And last but not least, Colin Farrell is clearly far too manly to be taken down by consumption, s instead I suggest that he is bitten by a werewolf and has to leave town to fight crime with his new werewolf powers! That or like, kill people and eat them. Actually, that would work better. I'm going to write to Clark Johnson and ask if I can write the script. He wouldn't even need to pay me. He could just give me a couple of Colin Farrell's old shirts - one for me, one for eBay. Everybody wins!
On a related note, there needs to be a film (possibly the sequel to Moulin Rouge 2: Now with ZOMBIES!) in which Colin Farrel and Skeet Ulrich are werewolves, and they fight to be the boss werewolf, but then at the end Edward Norton comes along and makes them his werewolf bitches, like we all know he can.
Also, there should be a TV show involving redneck vampires who are not detectives or the sidekicks of detectives or involved any way in the fighting of crime. Unless the "crime" is polluting America with liberalism and stuff. And it would be awesome, because they'd be all sad that they couldn't go to lynchings in daylight on account of catching fire. And finding food would be really hard, because obviously they wouldn't want to feed on their White Power brethren, but at the same time, if you honestly believe all other races have dirty blood, you're not going to want to eat them either. And they'd drive pickups and play banjoes, because that's what hillbillies do and this is my show and I can do what I like.
OZ, while containing lots of gay sex, is not at all homoerotic. Also, I cannot take Keller seriously because to me he is the weird doll-collecting doctor from Scrubs. The whole thing would be much improved if there were more hi-jinx from the Brothers O'Reilly, and also if Jerico was revealed to be the mastermind at the end of the series. ALL YOUR SOULS BELONG TO JERICO! OBEY HIM!
The animated (ie non-Fuzzy Felt version) of the Moomins is out on DVD! Buy it! For God's sake, buy it now or we might never get the whole series! Also, the Ant Lion is fucking terrifying.
In Bruges is awesome. Seriously. Go and see it or die a loser.
Rent is a lot more depressing than I remember.
Blade: the Series is silly. But not in a camp, not-taking-itself-seriously way like Van Helsing, in a "I am deadly serious and this is all unrelentingly grim" way. I like it, but seriously, where is Hannibal King?
Due South is stupid. Ignore anything the Southernator tells you to the contrary, she is quite mad and a liar to boot.
John Connolly is giving a talk at the Leeds City Art Gallery on May 23. He's got a new book out this month but for some reason, I cannot find a fucking release date. But still, yay!
Anyway, that's all for now, so GOOD DAY!
