(no subject)

[froodle]

Someone I work with keeps telling me about a friend of his that would be a really good fit for me and how he wants to set me up on a blind date with him and blah-blah-blah-well-suited-blah. What's a polite way of saying OH JESUS CHRIST STAY OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE NOT HAVING A SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS NOT THE SAME AS WANTING ONE I JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH MY CAT AND WATCH CRIMINAL MINDS AND THINK ABOUT AND POSSIBLY READ PORN FOR MORGAN AND REID'S BEAUTIFUL LOVE!

I need a beard-boyfriend, so I can claim to have a boyfriend and produce him if challenged and therefore discourage other people from helpfully trying to help me make new orgasm-friends. I think getting a real-fake boyfriend will be much easier than explaining why I don't want to meet anyone's friend/brother/cousin for possible companionship and sexytimes. WHO WANTS TO SET ME UP WITH THEIR MATE TO SEE IF WE WILL MAKE GOOD BEARD-PARTNERS?!

Comments

[prepare4trouble.livejournal.com]

That's a great idea actually, I think I want to steal it :)

According to my brother, humans are hardwired to want more of everything they perceive as good, so if someone doesn't want something someone else does, they find it weird and threatening. So when he explains to people why he doesn't eat meat, instead of going with less fat, less cholesterol etc, he says he's trying to get more. More vegetables, more fibre, more health, and people nod along with him. I've been wanting to try the same principle when confronted with your problem, "more time for me, more space, more... I don't know, control of the TV remote?" but the opportunity hasn't arisen. I think people have cottoned on to the fact that I'm not interested.

[froodle]

I would suggest being each other's beard-girlfriends but I suspect that the kind of person who tries to set you up with a hetrosexual date on their own initative would just view that as even MORE of a challenge. Unless once of us literally wore a beard and pretended to be a dude. Possibly it would be simpler to just get an actual dude.

Either that, or I'm going to get an audio clip of Doctor Manhatten going all aggro and screaming "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" and just play it every time someone mentions having a "suitable" friend for me to meet.