(no subject)

When the twins were born and we bought this house, I was just about to turn thirteen. My parents had already picked the room in the new house that I was going to have - it was at the back of the house, on the top floor, with it's own bathroom and a fire escape from my door to the back yard, which would give me complete privacy.

However, once my brothers and I got a look at it, I picked a different room - at the front, second floor down, just below my parents room, on the main staircase, sharing a bathroom with Prawn and Buzz. Johnny got the super-private room, and I got the best view in the house.

Both of us have always felt that we got the better deal - I look out over the bay, while Johnny initially looked out over a vacant lot, and now looks at a squat, ugly row of flats. Johnny has almost complete autonomy, whereas I share everything with the twins. We're both happy.

Until today, the fateful day, when someone has dared to take an unauthorised shit in Johnny's toilet. I can't stop laughing, you guys, because he is furious. Seriously, the sort of incandescent rage you'd expect in a parent whose kid just got beaten up at school.

He's been yelling at all of us all morning, trying to discover the identity of this "Phantom Shitter", and the angrier he gets, the funnier it is, and the harder we laugh, the more it winds him up.

He's now put up a sign on his bathroom sink warning people of the consequences of illicit pooping on his territory, and has threatened to "shit in a pint glass and put it under your beds" if it happens again.

I have to go now, as I need to run to the shop and get some Nutella to spread all around his toilet bowl - the Phantom Shitter will not be denied!

(no subject)

When the twins were born and we bought this house, I was just about to turn thirteen. My parents had already picked the room in the new house that I was going to have - it was at the back of the house, on the top floor, with it's own bathroom and a fire escape from my door to the back yard, which would give me complete privacy.

However, once my brothers and I got a look at it, I picked a different room - at the front, second floor down, just below my parents room, on the main staircase, sharing a bathroom with Prawn and Buzz. Johnny got the super-private room, and I got the best view in the house.

Both of us have always felt that we got the better deal - I look out over the bay, while Johnny initially looked out over a vacant lot, and now looks at a squat, ugly row of flats. Johnny has almost complete autonomy, whereas I share everything with the twins. We're both happy.

Until today, the fateful day, when someone has dared to take an unauthorised shit in Johnny's toilet. I can't stop laughing, you guys, because he is furious. Seriously, the sort of incandescent rage you'd expect in a parent whose kid just got beaten up at school.

He's been yelling at all of us all morning, trying to discover the identity of this "Phantom Shitter", and the angrier he gets, the funnier it is, and the harder we laugh, the more it winds him up.

He's now put up a sign on his bathroom sink warning people of the consequences of illicit pooping on his territory, and has threatened to "shit in a pint glass and put it under your beds" if it happens again.

I have to go now, as I need to run to the shop and get some Nutella to spread all around his toilet bowl - the Phantom Shitter will not be denied!