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I have come to the conclusion that Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera do not mix, for the following reasons:
In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:
Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!
- Gerard Butlers singing is only just tolerable as it is, without being compared to the greatness that is Ewan McGregor.
- Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character, but Dracula as the Duke is all shades of wrong and leads to speculation about the effectiveness of Dracula singing "Like a Virgin" to Van Helsing versus, say, turning into a big fucking bat-monster. Personally, I found the singing way, way creepier, and I bet Van Helsing would have too.
- On a related note, "Big Fat Virgin King". Try explaining that one to your friends in the throes of a massive giggling fit.
- There's always someone who suggests Ewan McGregor should play Raoul, and that confuses me and makes me unsure whose side I should be on. This is unacceptable.
- Eventually this leads to debates about whether Erik, Van Helsing or Christian would win in a fight. This in turn leads to arguing about whether Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman or Ewan McGregor would win in a fight. Ewan McGregor loses both times, and that makes me feel bad for him.
- Anna is even more annoying than usual when compared with Christine and Satine.
In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:
Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!
no subject
which is utterly truth.
p.s. raoul hates you
no subject
And Raoul's only jealous because he knows Erik would rather sleep with Ewan McGregor than with him. 'Cause hell, who wouldn't?