froodle | (no subject)

I have come to the conclusion that Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera do not mix, for the following reasons:

Gerard Butlers singing is only just tolerable as it is, without being compared to the greatness that is Ewan McGregor.
Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character, but Dracula as the Duke is all shades of wrong and leads to speculation about the effectiveness of Dracula singing "Like a Virgin" to Van Helsing versus, say, turning into a big fucking bat-monster. Personally, I found the singing way, way creepier, and I bet Van Helsing would have too.
On a related note, "Big Fat Virgin King". Try explaining that one to your friends in the throes of a massive giggling fit.
There's always someone who suggests Ewan McGregor should play Raoul, and that confuses me and makes me unsure whose side I should be on. This is unacceptable.
Eventually this leads to debates about whether Erik, Van Helsing or Christian would win in a fight. This in turn leads to arguing about whether Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman or Ewan McGregor would win in a fight. Ewan McGregor loses both times, and that makes me feel bad for him.
Anna is even more annoying than usual when compared with Christine and Satine.

In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:

Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!

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Seconded. add my signature please.

do you think if maybe we got enough signatures.. like a petition... that he would?

if maybe snufkin gave him a little nudge..

Well, Snufkin is a mighty and powerful God, but I imagine that both Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp already have fairly long "People Who People Have Insisted I Sleep With Because It Would Be Totally Hot" lists. I mean, they'll probably get around to it eventually, but it could take a while.

yeah but im fairly sure johnny depp has already slept with Everyone. i mean, he's your typical slut. Christ, child, dont you read fic?

which is utterly truth.

p.s. raoul hates you

I'm going to be annoyed if it turns out Johnny Depp already slept with Gerard Butler and I missed it, though. That would just be cruel.

And Raoul's only jealous because he knows Erik would rather sleep with Ewan McGregor than with him. 'Cause hell, who wouldn't?

Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character

LOL. You got me on that one :).

Must admit to having watched Phantom this week. I agree about the bitchslapping of Bloom too *g* - poor boy.

Aah, Dragimir. He's so adorable when he's whining about being forced to wear a non-matching shade of rouge; highlight of TLA, as far as I'm concerned.

There's something about Orlando Bloom; it's like he emits "Punch me!" pheremones. I'd feel sorry for him, if I wasn't constantly wanting to smack him one.

:) It's the velvet that gets me.

Orlando is the reason I can't bear to watch Kingdom of Heaven despite the rest of the cast being astounding... I'm not sure his acting is good enough to carry the film... he is pretty though but Liam Neeson wins every time. Hmmm... I wonder if I could put up with Orlando.... *ponders*

Surely the greatness that is Liam Neeson can overshadow all that is terrible about Orlando Bloom? Plus, Jeremy Irons is in it.

And you never know, something terrible might happen to Orlando Bloom's character, and if Troy has taught me anything, it's that it's always good to laugh at Orlando Bloom's pain.

I suppose that's true and then there's Edward Norton in that mask... hmm... it's had very mixed reviews but I could forgive Liam just about anything.

Oooh... do you think? Definitely going to have to see it now.

And let's face it, Edward Norton is good in everything. Except possibly the Italian Job, but I think it was that weaselly little moustache that put me off.

I still can't make myself watch the remake... even for Ed... far too painful. I'm going to see it this weekend so fingers crossed. Hopefully Liam Neeson can keep me entertained enough not to want to throttle Orlando.

I quite enjoyed the remake - lots of fast cars, explosions and... more explosions. It's like SWAT and the Fast and the Furious had a baby, only without Colin Farrell or Vin Diseal.

Saw KoH a few days ago - Orlando Bloom wasn't that bad this time. I mean, he wasn't great, but for the first time I didn't look at him and think "My God, you suck."

:) That's it exactly. I'm rather fond of Colin Farrell in Daredevil - especially as he manages to steal the whole thing from under the rest of the cast.

That's no faint praise! I'm going to see it tonight so hopefully it'll be okay. Orlando with facial hair again!

My mum made me go and see Daredevil - Colin Farrell killing that old woman with a peanut was the only thing stopping me from trying to gouge out my eyes with a little ice-cream spade. Why do people keep giving Ben Affleck jobs? Why?!

Poor Orlando Bloom. He can wear as many stick on beards and have as many female love interests as he wants; he will still always be the Avatar of Girlish Effeminicity and Pure Gay.

No idea. He does seem to have the thunder stolen whatever he's in. Only good performance I can remember is in Shakespeare In Love where he was being a bit evil and camp. Not bad.

Completely! He just seems to inhabit a persona that just says he's not a leading man or hero type. Weasely and a bit annoying perhaps but not a hero. Saying that I might love him in KoH - you never know :).

Saying that I might love him in KoH - you never know

Well, stranger things have happened. *pauses* No, wait... they really haven't.

(Seriously, DAMN YOU JOSS WHEDON!)