My mum made me go and see Daredevil - Colin Farrell killing that old woman with a peanut was the only thing stopping me from trying to gouge out my eyes with a little ice-cream spade. Why do people keep giving Ben Affleck jobs? Why?!

Poor Orlando Bloom. He can wear as many stick on beards and have as many female love interests as he wants; he will still always be the Avatar of Girlish Effeminicity and Pure Gay.