froodle | (no subject)

Today, an innocent day took a dark twist to become A DAY OF HORROR!

THE SCENE: Froodle, Buzz Lighthair of Ron Smith's Command and The Mighty Prawn are in the kitchen. Froodle is making pancakes, the boys sit at the kitchen table.

The Mighty Prawn: What the fuck is this music?
Froodle: It's the CD from Hairspray.
Buzz: Oh my God, what is it with you and shit films?
The Mighty Prawn: Can I listen to the racing?
Froodle: No you fucking can't, leave it alone or I won't make you any pancakes.
The Mighty Prawn: Sourchops. What's Hairspray?
Buzz: Ugh, it's this shit film about this fat bird who shags Zac Efron.
Froodle: Buzz!
The Mighty Prawn: That's well harsh.
Froodle: Thank you!
The Mighty Prawn: I mean, being a fat bird already means you get picked on, there's no need to punish her by making her have sex with Zac Efron aswell. Sick film.
Froodle: Hah! It's kind of an awesome incentive though - go to the gym or be forced to mate with Zac Efron.
Buzz: Zac Efron is awesome. Hairspray is a piece of shit that was unworthy of his talent, and he would never shag a fat bird because he's too hot.

silence

Johnny: *walks in* Are those pancakes ready yet or what?

silence

Johnny: What?
Froodle: *girly voice* I'm Buzz Lighthair, I love Zac Efron and Hairspray wasn't good enough for him because he's just so awesome.
The Mighty Prawn: *girly voice* I have a poster of him above my bed and a heart with our names interlinked on my notebook because I'm Buzz and Zac Efron is my boyfriend.
Buzz Lighthair: I didn't say that!
Froodle: You said he was too talented for Hairspray!
Buzz: Okay, I said that, but I didn't say it in that stupid voice.
The Mighty Prawn: That is your voice. That is the voice of everyone who likes Zac Efron.
Buzz: He's a good actor! Have you seen Charlie St Cloud? It was really moving, I cried and everything.
Froodle: Ewww, you cried over Zac Efron!
Johnny: *pretending to cry* Oh Zac Efron, I'm crying because this film isn't good enough for you because you're so talented and awesome!
Buzz: Fuck off Johnny, you started crying over the Green Mile.
Johnny: Yeah, that's normal though - Mister Jingles! If that didn't make you cry, you're dead inside. That's not like being in love with Zac Efron.
Froodle: Buzz, we have to kill you now. If people find out we have a Zac Efron lover in the family, our reputations will be ruined.
Buzz: You like Corey Feldman!
Froodle: Yeah, but I don't go around pretending he's talented and crying over how his movies are unworthy of him!
Johnny: It's our fault, really - we're the oldest, we were supposed to teach you right from wrong, but we failed and now you're an abomination in the eyes of God and man.
The Mighty Prawn: You can't blame yourselves - you did your best, sometimes children are just born monsters.
Buzz: Oh my God, fuck off all of you! *storms out*
The Mighty Prawn: He's gone to cry over his poster of Zac Efron.
Johnny: And sing songs to it about their forbidden love.
Froodle: And write online reviews about how talented he is and how all his films are unworthy of his talent.
Johnny: You'd better leave some pancakes outside his room - he needs to keep his energy up for crying over non-Mister-Jingles bullshit.
Froodle: *girly voice* I'm Johnny Heg, I cried over Mister Jingles because I'm a girl.
Johnny: You are dead inside, seriously!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think I'm gonna agree with your brother, I think Zac Efron's quite a good actor.

I have NO WORDS in the face of such MADNESS.

Hahaha! I think only seen him in three movies ("17 Again", "Hairspray" and "Me and Orson Welles") and I thought he was pretty good in all of them. I think he's better than people think he is.

I've only seen him in Hairspray, which I enjoyed despite his presence, and the trailer for Me and Orson Welles, which made me cry due to seeing Zac Efron's face on a twenty-foot screen.

I watched "Me and Orson Welles" on TV and thought it was really boring. Nothing really happened.

What is with those movies? I had the exact same reaction to Girl With A Pearl Earring - two hours and absolutely NOTHING happened! At least you saw it on TV - I was stupid enough to buy a cinema ticket. What a waste of money and precious life-hours.

I know! I hate that. It's not even like they're so bad they're good or anything like that, they're just so boring! A waste of a movie really.

Zac Efron has eyes that eat away into my soul. Asides that, so does his voice.

He was okay in Hairspray though. Overshadowed by awesome leading lady and scary as fuck whatshisface as the mother. *shivers*

He's marginally less awful than the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, and that's literally the best thing I can think to say about him.

Hairspray was awesome - I almost died from laughing during that scene at the end where John Travolta dances on the show and he does that attitudey eye-finger-point thing at Michelle Pfeiffer.

Heh. That bit was good.

The Jonas Brothers are symbols for wholesome values and creepy stuff like abstinence education. Hence my SHEER AVOIDENCE.

Who's Justin Bieber?

Have you seen the South Park episode with the Jonas Brothers? They get the shit kicked out of them by Mickey Mouse, it was great!

Justin Bieber is the latest pre-pubescent pop-star... creature to come out of America. He's basically the latest installment of whatever it is Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers are.

Hey, don't blame that on us! Bieber's Canadian!

Wow, for a country that is supposed to be full of super-polite, super-strong crime-fighting Mounties, Canada produces a lot of abominations - Celine Dion, Bryan Adams, Justin Bieber. Maybe they're too polite to destroy such malformed offspring at birth.

Also, I'm kind of ashamed that I know that.

And that I've seen High School Musical 2. *And* that I know Zefron sang in that one but not in the first one.

...I'm just gonna go die inside.

Knowing that he's Canadian when you're American is acceptable - it's like being English and knowing Jedward is Irish - all you're trying to do is make sure your country doesn't get the blame for something that isn't your fault.

Watching HSM is something you should feel shame for, though. My brother keeps those DVDs out in the open where anyone can see them - he'd be better off hiding them behind bestiality porn, since that's actually LESS embarrassing.

You should write a sitcom about your family. You'd make millions.

It would either need to be on HBO or on really, really late at night so we could get away with the language and content. It would be awesome, though. We would totally have a spin-off trading card game.