I already have a Merry - belated birthday present from El Siblingo Attractivo. Very cute and almost perfect, apart from a tendancy to incite houseplants to random acts of violence. Excels in waistcoat-wearing and tummy-cuteness.

And no Boromirs, ever. Nobody needs a fucking klepto around the house. Besides, if you get a Boromir, sooner or later you have to buy a Faramir, and suddenly half your paycheque is going on tissues and they're not even being used for wanking. Faramirs are just too high maintenance.

Besides, think of all the money I'll save with my very own hobbit-soap-making factory. Mmm, hobbits.