froodle: (pony)

...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

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Created on 2009-05-07 21:22:35 (#312849), last updated 2017-04-18 (1 week ago)

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Froodilicus Awesomus is a rare and exotic beast that originally hailed from a Godforsaken rock in the middle of the Irish Sea. Thanks to its native ingenuity, young Froodles (as they are known in common parlance) eventually escape their inbred-tastic prison, crossing the ocean to find new homes in the major cities of Great Britain. Although Froodles are hardy and adaptable, able to survive in the most desolate places, such as the Isle of Man, the ideal habitat for this amazing species will contain lots of books, DVDs, and "things that are awesome." In fact, the ability to detect awesomeness is one of the most highly developed of the Froodles many talents. If you are awesome, and you get lost in the woods, you want a Froodle out looking for you.

Froodles are easily identified by their unique plumage, which is long and straggly and occaisonally takes on a life of its own and devours small annoying children, and their mating call, a high-pitched squeal of "Oh my God the pretty!" Another sign that you might be in the presense of a Froodle is hearing an excited utterance of "So awesome you guys!"

The Froodles main form of currency is pirates - when bartering for goods and services, the Froodle will often offer between one and fourteen-five pirates in exchange. Nobody knows where these pirates come from, but they are always syphillis-free and otherwise of high pirate quality.

Froodles worship at the Church of Liamneeson, believing that Liamneeson is in fact the Creator of everything. The main focus of their faith mostly involves messing with people and laughing at them, making the Froodle an unreliable partner in just about everything except the supplying of pirates. Members of the Church of Liamneeson also partake in the ritualised devouring of chocolatey Jesuslions during religious events.

Froodles are often accompanied by the ghost of a small, ill-tempered rabbit named Thlayli, or by between one and three Froodlebrothers. Froodlebrothers are like Froodles, but a bit hairier and more smelly. Also they are slightly more likely to set stuff on fire than the average Froodle.

The Froodles natural enemy is Stupidicus Fucktardicus, otherwise known as the common or garden fucktard. An influx of Fucktardery into a Froodles territory can result in anything from burning lava-like rage to complete withdrawal to a fucktard-free environment. Given the Froodlish tendancy to find work in customer service-based roles, this means that Froodles are often cranky and bitter when not actively pursuing their more Awesome-related activities.

For more insight into the secret lives of these amazing creatures, read this Livejournal or buy a copy of the book, Froodle: So Awesome, coming soon to all non-fucktarded bookstores.

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