froodle: (bitch)
I just bought the paperback version of armageddon outta here PURELY for the two new billy ray stories and OH GOD i know i know it was all weird and jacked up and remnant and hitmanny but I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and I LOVED HIM AND TANITH SO MUCH and im just... im stil really not over him dying. WAHHHHHHHHHH.
froodle: (bitch)
I know she's all remnanty and that at the time, but the scene where madam mist gives tanith a fucking arachnoid bukkake shot to the face is THE STUFF OF FUCKING NIGHTMARES.
froodle: (bitch)
I am still SO MAD about Erskine Ravel. Like... SO MAD. WHY IS EVERYTHING TERRIBLE?!
froodle: (bitch)
The guy doing the Kingdom of the Wicked audiobook has given Billy Ray a proper Elvis voice and idk, I kind of like it. Though in my head he always sounds like Ryan Kwantan playing Jason Stackhouse, which probably shows how much I dont know about American accents in general and Southern ones in particular.
froodle: (bitch)
OH WHAT THE FUCK FINBAR DIES?!

OFFSCREEN?!

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!
froodle: (bitch)
Im rereading the skulduggery pleasant series andandand kenspeckle, oh no, kenspeckle...
froodle: (Default)
So, I just finished the new Skulduggery Pleasant book.

FUCK EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD NEVER LEARNT TO FUCKING READ. LITERALLY I AM BASICALLY SOUR FOREVER NOW OH MY FUCKING GOD.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
ARGH. Dudes, I am giving serious brain-thoughts towards going to Liverpool to attend a Derek Landy signing of Last Stand of the Dead Men. The issue is, the most time- and cost-effective way to do it is as a day trip to Liverpool via the Steam Packet, a sweaty, slimy, nausea-inducing puke-bucket of a trip that lasts three hours each way, and feels a lot longer.

Do I actually care about Skulduggery Pleasant enough to subject myself to seasickness and the strange phenomenon where the Manx people on the boat have Scouse accents that are approximately eighty thousand times more nasal and annoying than the voices of actual, in-real-life Scousers?

ARGH. I hate having to think grown-up things.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
Also, Saracen Rue's superpower is super-hearing. Pretty sure.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
So is it just me, or have Ghastly and Erskine straight fucked themselves by unilaterally changing Sanctuary law, without consultation with the sorceror community at large, and in opposition to the third member of the Council of Elders?

They're all, "Lalala, we want to do this," and Madame Mist is like, "That's against the law," and they're all, "OH NOES!" and Madame Mist is like, "Coincidently, the Council of Elders can vote to change a law with only a simple minority," and they're all, "IT'S VOTING TIME! MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRACY UP, BITCHES!" and she's like, "I vote no," and they're all, "We vote yes HAHAH JOKE'S ON YOU MADAME MIST WE WIN!" and she's like, "I calmly accept this erosion of basic principles of magical law by the brand-new Grand Mage and his fellow Elder who is also his old war-buddy, which will in no way smack of nepotism and corruption to other Sanctuaries across the globe. Also, I need to go to my creepy underground lair now and chill with the fellow members of my creepy spider-magic-adherents cult. But I'm sure they won't be interested in hearing about how you just overrode a chunk of our magical constitution because it was inconvienient."

Well done, assholes. That noise you hear is the sound of two fucking idiots falling into a trap. Honestly, how do you get pranked that easily when the person pranking you is OPENLY A MEMBER OF THE CHILDREN OF THE SPIDER?! The key motif here being, SPIDERS! Possibly nature's greatest and most well-known AMBUSH PREDATORS!

I would slow-clap these fucking halfwits, but I need my clapping-hands to hold the book I am reading. The very book, in fact, that details the slow-clap-inducing, penis-in-a-plug-socket levels of fuckupitude Ghastly and Erskine have just exhibited.

Jesus.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
So there's this one thing I totally don't get about Skulduggery Pleasant, aside from the question of why Billy-Ray doesn't wear a cowboy hat even though he is, like, super-Texan:

All the sorcerers have three names - their given or birth name, their super-secret true name that basically guarantees ridiculous levels of power and accompanying levels of foaming-at-the-mouth crazy, and their 'taken' name, which is basically a magical superhero identity that they make up for themselves.

And the 'taken' name usually says something about who they are as a person - Skulduggery is a stealthy nefarious ninja spy, and also a skeleton. Valkyrie is a warrior. Ghastly Bespoke is a gifted tailor with a fucked-up head. Billy-Ray Sanguine has a sunny disposition and also slits throats for a living. Basically, as soon as some magical dude shows up and introduces themselves by their taken name, you have some idea of the kind of person they are.

So if you were hanging out with your wizard bros one day, all being good and keeping the world undestroyed and shit, and some dudes come up to you and are like, "hey my man, mind if we join your gang of totally peaceful dudes.and find out all your political info and whatnot? My name is motherfucking JARRON GALLOW, and these are my besties, MURDER ROSE and GRUESOME KRAV," would you not just be like, "get the fuck away before I melt your fucking evil faces off, seriously if you're gonna be sneaky about being evil, you might try picking names that don't have the word MURDER in them."

But then again, pretty much everyone in the Irish Sanctuary straight fails at picking up on narrative clues, so I guess if you're a baddie in Ireland, you might as well go around calling yourself Traitory McStabsalot or whatever, because this bunch of professional epic retards aren't going to pick up on it until it's too late anyway.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
Wow, Dusk is super-annoying. Where does he get off holding a massive grudge against Valkyrie because of his scar? I mean, he's the one who started things when he tried to eat her, and not in the sense that women usually care for, so basically he has no right to get mad when she slices his face open. Certainly he doesn't still need to be whining about it six books later.

This is the problem with vampires today - too much whinging, not enough sacking up and killing people, or having failed to kill people, accepting the fact that sometimes failed exsanguination attempts get you STABBED IN THE FACE.

Christ. Billy-Ray got gutted and he made less of a fuss about it. Vampires are just fucking pussies.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
So I'm assuming from the hints dropped in the last couple of books that at some point we're going to find out exactly why Billy-Ray ripped out his own eyes, and I'd like to state right now that my best guesses are a) that he saw his parents going at it or b) somebody made him watch an NSYNC music video, because these are the top two reasons for gouging your eyes out and ALSO two of the fastest ways to turn somebody into a serial killer. Though presumably he would have been a serial killer anyway since his dad was a stealth assassin ninja (who wore a BOLO TIE, that's fierce when you're a ninja) before he had to quit due to prison and oldings.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
If Billy-Ray and Sweeney Todd got into it, who would win? I think Billy-Ray could take Sweeney in a straight fight, but I also think he'd be so freaked out by all the singing that he'd bail out in the middle due to excessive weirdness.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
You know who else I had forgotten? Moloch. I really hope they never make Skulduggery Pleasant movies, because Moloch is basically EXACTLY what Colin Farrell would be like if he was vampire (eating everyone in a block of flats, playing a vampire version of The Hunger Games with would-be new recruits, wandering around Dublin in bare feet in the middle of winter and generally just being a drunken, blood-soaked, fang-sporting Irish mess) and Colin Farrell was banned from ever playing a vampire again for his part in the TRAVESTY that was Fright Night.

And it sucks even MORE now because presumably book 8 or 9 will have the big Dusk/Moloch throw-down, and I would really have enjoyed watching Colin Farrell slap that mopey tragic unbearability-pire upside the head and toss him into the sea and then eat all of Dublin.

Anyway, I guess the moral of this story is that I really hated the Fright Night remake amd sometimes a crime is so bad that you have to get punished for it, even if you are Colin Farrell. But I guess he would be playing the Irish Wizard King so... something. I dunno. Fright Night sucks.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
"Is it fun?" he asked suddenly. "Doin' all that detectin'? I always wanted to be a detective. I was one, for about a year. I liked the romance of it all. The suits, the hats, the dark alleys, the femme fatale, all that quick talkin'. But I couldn't stop killin' folk. I mean, they'd hire me, I'd try to solve their mystery, but halfway through I'd get bored and end up killin' them, and then the case'd be over, and that'd be it. I solved one murder that whole entire year, but I don't think that really counts, seein' as how I was the killer. I think that's kinda cheatin', in a way."

Can't stop laughing. My face totally hurts.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
Is it weird that I totally hope Billy-Ray and Tanith make it as a couple, even though it means she has to spend the rest of forever with an evil little newt dude grafted onto her soul because if she ever got the Remnant out of her she would punch Billy-Ray in the mouth and run for the hills? I just want to read about the two of them skipping through the smoking dismembered carcasses of their enemies, laughing and making little blonde-haired, earth-bending, wall-walking murder babies. Clearly getting old has made me all lame and romantical an shit.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
In the later books, I used to feel kind of bad for Vaurien Scapegrace, because it must suck to be the bad guy that all the other bad guys laugh at and make fun of and having Billy-Ray's dad turn you into a zombie head in a jar, but I've been rereading the whole series in preparation for the Maleficent Seven and I had totally forgotten that scene where he tries to beat an injured, magicless fourteen year old girl to death, and okay, she totally kicks the shit out of him, but that's not the point, so fuck him, he deserves to be a zombie head with a fallen-off nose floating around in a jar. Because basically that's what you get for being a FUCKING ASSHOLE.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

froodle: (Default)
This is bullshit. I just Google-imaged Billy Ray Sanguine and not a single picture shows him wearing a cowboy hat. Nobody from Texas doesn't wear a cowboy hat! It's their favourite thing to do, except maybe putting black dudes on death row. Fuck you, Google images. You're a fucking liar.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

August 2017

S M T W T F S
  123 45
678 9101112
131415 16171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Aug. 18th, 2017 03:11 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios