froodle: (bitch)
I tied my hair back because, IDK, I thought it would help me blend in more?

I feel so creeped out right now

I wish I hadn’t come in

Two different people both complimented my dress this morning

And instead of being like, “oh thank you”, I was sat there thinking “oh god please don’t draw any attention to me”

I can’t stop thinking about my body and how, while I’m sat here trying to do my job, someone is like “my boner has feelings about your legs, and my boner is important enough for me to go to your boss and your boss’s boss about it”

And my boss and my boss’s boss are both like, hmm, boner feelings, seems appropriate and also something *I* should be taking steps to control, because some random decided I was meat to be looked at and not a person, or an employee, or anything other than how my body makes them feel

I’m super uncomfortable and frightened and my anxiety is through the roof right now

I just want to draw a curtain around my corner so nobody can look at me and tell me all the vague non-specified but definitely inadequate ways I don’t measure up

And I’m looking around at what other people are wearing and I’m seeing bare arms and legs in tights and so I still don’t get it

And my skin crawls every moment I’m out in the office with the thought of who is looking at me
froodle: (bitch)
staying late at work to finish off a project because you want a clear desk tomorrow is a vastly different experience than staying late at work to finish every single thing that came in that day because you're being bullied and you dont want to hand the people makimg your life a misery another stick to beat you with.

i wish id known this a year and a half ago. fuck you direct debits.
froodle: (bitch)
Ugh, some jackass Daily Mail online commenter is using the handle "Marshall Teller" and the location "Eerie, Indiana" as their internet handle and it's pinging my Eerie google alerts and filling my inbox with asinine comments on hateful Daily Fail bullshit articles. Out of my fandom, shitbag!
froodle: (bitch)
Oh my fucking God, America.
froodle: (derpklaus)
Hahah, some bellend boyracer just snapped his axle hopping the curb outside our building. Every weekend we have to listen to these fucking inbreeds revving their shitty engines inside the packing structure across the road in a futile attempt to prove theyre not a travesty of personhood, and now this worthless sack of shit is going to have to pay to get his crappy ford fiesta towed and an expensive repeair on top of it. Fuck you, you embarrasment of a human being. I hope your car gets scrapped.
froodle: (derpklaus)
I'm back.

Thank you to everyone who left comments of support on my last post. Without going into too much detail, it was unpleasant, and I had to step away from a lot of other things for a while, but I got through it and am currently feeling much better.

I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts sent my way.
froodle: (derpklaus)
Mike is playing Bioshock, and there's a level where the miniboss is this insane plastic surgeon, and when you finally track him down and the fight starts, he's screaming about how his patients are too fat, too tall, too symmetrical, and then he sees you and starts yelling about how ugly you are while attacking you.

And it's disturbing how much similarity it has with the latest adverts for Tracey Bell, a local chain of "Dental and Aesthetic Medical Clinics".
froodle: (derpklaus)
First day back at work after a week in Manchester,get called in to my supervisors office to be told, hooray, you got a 2k payrise. Which is less than HALF of the difference between what I make and what Danny does.

So, fine. I finished my day, came home, and emailed the whole case to the Equality Advisor. They had the chance to do the right thing, and instead they banked on their direct debit administrator being too dumb to know that two thousand pounds is not the same as five thousand pounds.

As of right now, I'm claiming backpay from October 2014, plus the difference in our monthly bonuses for the same period, and I'm job hunting. It would have been cheaper and easier for them to just pay a man and a woman the same, but go ahead, be idiots about this.

Fuck that place, fuck the people who run it, and fuck the people who work there that keep getting me confused with a woman whose first name starts with the same letter, but who works in a totally different department and whose last name is three full syllables shorter than mine, and keep calling me to tell me this or that person is mad because i promosed fo call them back last week and didnt.

No, fucktard, i wasnt even on the island last week, i did not arrange a meeting with someones social worker because HOW WOULD THAT EVEN COME UP IN MY JOB?!

So many people should just get killed.
froodle: (derpklaus)
Why is it that the stupider someone is, the morethey need to blame their idiocy on other people? Its not my problem that you dont know your bank account number, or that you are for some reason incapable of getting it from a debit card, a bank statement, your online banking, or the people you actually bank with. Im not reading your full bank details out to you over the phone, and im not sending a copy of the mandate to an address we dont have on file for you. I dont care how much you screech and scream that your bank is hard to get in touch with, especially since theyre a major highstreet bank with a branch in the town you live in.

I really hope it was an attempt at bank fraud, because the alternative is that this guy really was that fucking moronic, and that makes me die a litte inside.
froodle: (derpklaus)
i think ive mentioned before that my department at work consists of me and one other guy, who does the exact same job as me and gets paid 25% more than i do. Ive raised it at my last two six monthly appraisals, and the first time it was ignored, and the second time i was told if i wanted to get paid the same as a man doing the same job as me, i had to prove i deserved it.

And yeah, i probably should have left then, but i need to pay rent and stuff.

So my appraisal is next month, and ive reduced aged debt for my dept by 70% from where it was in august, and i got... an afternoon off and a bunch of vague promises to look at it in january but there are no guarantees, the budget may already be fixed, there might not be money...

I dont care if i have to go back to temping, if i dont get my salary increased to what danny makes, im handing my notice in. with the system problems, the migration failures, the constant crashes and lost data and the FUCKING BULLYING FROM CUSTOMER SERVICES, and being told i need to prove im good enough to pay what theyll pay a man, enugh is fucking enough.
froodle: (derpklaus)
I dont know if people actually get stupider and more worthless when danny's off, or if its just that when he isnt in im more acutely aware of how unbelievably dumb they are because I have twice as much work to do in the same number of hours and am more therefore sensitive to having my time wasted by inane queries from subliterate fucktards, or if their halfwittery simply isnt as bad when theres two of us to handle it, but ive spent the week yet again doing the job of two full-time employees and I am ready that burn that fucking shithole to the ground.

in any normal office, if you knew one person was covering a whole department by herself, you'd either do what you could to alleviate some of the pressure, or at least try not to add to it unnecessarily. not come flapping and faffing and bothering someone whose doing three things at once - three things, by the way, that involve BRINGING MONEY INTO THIS CESSPOOL OF A COMPANY SO IF YOU WANT TO GET PAID AT THE END OF THE MONTH MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP - because, OH NO, this bill looks weird.

I am not the billing department. actually, YOU'RE from the billing department. sit the fuck down and shut up.


he pays on a standing order. you can tell because next to each and every one of those payments, it says "standing order". try to read, you fucking moron.


do I actually have to tell you how to forward me a fucking email? it is not done verbally. go home, kill your children, then kill yourself.


This shit again? Really? Go fuck yourselves. As this was the supervisor of the person who pulled that stunt last time, and thetime before that, I guess now I know where it comes from. I am not a call centre. I do not have to be available to you and your staff of derpflids 100% of the time. Die in a fire.


Sure. The answer is, I hope you get raped by hornets. I'm leaving now, feel free to be hit by a car over the weekend, you fucking cunt.
froodle: (derpklaus)
still too upset and strung out to sleep. what is even the fucking point? I try so hard, and I actually do my job really fucking well, and its never enough to stop me getting shit all over and spending my birthday weekend depressed and numb and weepy underneath it.
froodle: (derpklaus)
Happy fucking birthday weekend, self.

You get to kickstart things by once again being the only full-time, fully trained up person in a department that needs a minimum of three people to run properly.

You get to be shit on for having the nerve to leave your desk in order to lock away confidential bank documents so that an idiot in customer services has to call your supervisor and complain in an attempt to foist a problem onto you.

You get the added bonus of being pulled away from your actual job to look at this so-urgent issue that turns out to be nothing to do with your department and is in fact a question about a gas bill, which, shocker, is a query for customer services!

You get to have an anxiety attack over said query, the fact that you weren't immediately available to deal with it, and the fact that customer services is complaining about you yet again, even though once again they are trying to have you do their job.

To counteract the terror you now feel, you get to work eleven hours straight with no lunch, and no breaks, and nothing to eat, trying to clear a three person workload because you can't deal with another round of "the reason you suck" backbiting directed at you from that team.

You get to clear that three person workload at the cost of watching a fireworks display with your partner, and go home late, alone, tearful, nauseous, and still feeling like shit about your work ethic.

You get to spend forty minutes crying in the shower about how utterly worthless and completely incapable of doing your job you are, even though you just did the work of three people in the hours of one and a half.

You get to retch saliva and toothpaste into your toilet bowl thinking about whether the other person on your team will be back on Monday, and how you'll cope if he isn't.

Happy birthday, and have a great fucking weekend tearing yourself to shreds in your panic, self! You absolutely deserve to feel like the useless bag of shit that you are, and the way you're being treated is completely acceptable!


Sep. 25th, 2015 07:49 am
froodle: (pony)
mandatory family fun health and safety picnic is today, ugh. no, i didnt make up the title, or the fact that its mandatory. historically I havent ever been a mean drunk, but then historically i dont drink alcohol or indeed spend any free time with people I hate, either.

and staying sober is just going to make it worse, because I AM mean sober, when my sober state coincides with me being forced to hang out in a carpark behind work, with portaloos right next to a bbq and, again, surrounded by people I would cheerfully murder if I was guaranteed to get off scott-free.

if you dont hear from me in the next few days, assume I never made it past the tall electrified volleyball nets, and avenge me. or im in jail.

fuck this place.
froodle: (pony)
Had the most wretched fucking day at work. Like, I am actually nauseous with how angry I am. I'm one person in a two-person team that handles direct debits for five subsidiary companies spread across three islands. The other guy left for a two week holiday yesterday.

My role is primarily back-office administrative work, meaning, I dont deal directly with our fucking herpderp customers unless something is actually wrong. Then they call the customer service team, who shoot me an email to let me know what the query's about, I investigate it, and call the customer back.

Except there's always, always some fuckwit who decides that this way of doing things doesn't apply to them, and hey, they should definately ring me when I'm running a payment extraction for our 30 thousand customers so they can ask me their fucktarded questions, waste my time, put me behind, and create a load of unnecessary pressure because, idk, they're so worthless and stupid that they don't know how to send an email?

So this morning they get told, hey, direct debits is now down to one person, you should definately do your job the way you've been repeatedly told to do your job and not be selfish fucking morons ringing and blathering because you cant work a fucking keyboard without soiling yourselves, you inbred fuckpigs.

Which apparently translates as "hey, be a bunch of fucking inconsiderate moronic cuntstains, and ring and waste time even more than usual, because when one person is responsible for about two thirds of the money that comes into this company, its a really good idea to piss that person off and stress her out to the point where she is literally shaking with rage less than an hour into her working day."

ive got rage eczema so bad that the skin under my breasts is coming away in semi-opaque scales rather than flakes, and I cant tell if theres genuinely something wrong with my stomach or I'm so fucking furious that my innards are boiling with it.

I honestly want to set that building on fire just so I can be left alone to do my fucking job while that department takes their little herpderp variety show outside and waits for the fire department to show up. bonus, at least one of them is so stupid that theyll trip and fall and hopefully succumb to the flames in an act of pure darwinism.

I got back from lunch today and my supervisor was like, oh, herpderp fucktard the third called because she said you werent answering your phone.

my desk phone. on my desk. at lunch time. when I leave to get lunch.

so now apparently its ok to call my supervisor and complain about me taking a lunch break, which I do not get paid for and to which I am contractually entitled.

at that point I actually took skin off my palms because I was clenching my fists so hard, trying to stop myself from pointing out that said coworker is the size of a fucking house and therefore has no right telling other people not to take their lunch, unless of course shes worried that I might buy a donut while im out and then she can only have 999 donuts for her lunch instead of the usual 1000.

then when I checked my emails there wasnt anything from her anyway, which either means the thing she was ringing for didnt require my intervention, or she ate her fucking keyboard and now cant send emails at all.

which will be fucking great, because it means I can expect more of this bullshit tomorrow.
froodle: (pony)
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

How many times does something have to go wrong before people in charge actually admit the system they've put in place isn't fucking well working?

At what point do you look at your business and think, "oh, wait, we've been using this software for over a year now and it's still a worthless piece of shit, maybe we should not use it anymore"?

Is it when you delete the bank details off a few hundred accounts and the fucking retard in DDs has to go and put them all back on? Or when you lose the bank reference numbers for a couple of thousand accounts, and the worthless idiot has to put those back on too?

Is it when your piece of shit software leaks the bank details from two companies onto a third, and the DD mong has to pick through the bank files and manually pull them out, a state of affairs that the company that sold you your shitty software and provides you with your shitty support allowed to continue for six fucking months?

Does the epiphany come when all the new DD instructions won't pick up and for two weeks and all the bank files for those customers have to be created and receipted by hand, taking fucking hours, but hey, by all means, keep stopping me to ask why whatever pointless thing you wanted hasn't been fucking done yet?

Or is it in the form of those customers whose invoices just don't get collected, ever, and nobody knows why? No, and don't talk about how you've asked for a solution multiple times since August of last year.

Definitely don't bring up the issue where people get the wrong amount taken from their accounts, even though their bill says something completely different, and no, there's just no way this shiny new system can actually tell you how much they owe along with what is about to get taken.

Stop asking. You're making such a big deal of this, jeez. It's only money we take from our customers bank accounts, money they don't owe. Your negative attitude is getting your colleagues down.

Oh, by the way, that new system for sending the bills out that was going to save all that time and money? Yeah, some of those bills didn't go out. A lot of those bills. In fact, all of those bills that were due to get collected today, that you just collected. No, we can't bring that request back from the bank, because the only person who knows how to do it has been made redundant two days ago. We don't need that guy and his thirty plus years of knowledge. Plus we were paying him too much money.

(by the way, that dude who does the exact same job as you? we pay him 25% more than we pay you. no reason. his guns are bigger than yours and you have icky girl parts. that's unrelated.)

So, those people who we took money off without telling them what it was for, or even that we were gonna take anything? Yeah, you can write to them, right? After all, you took it. Of course you should take all the flack for this company's horrible decisions. It's a few hundred letters and a corresponding amount of angry phone calls. You can do that and your normal work. You don't deserve evenings and weekends.


I quit. Clean up your own fucking mess.
froodle: (Default)
So last night my Dad ambushed me as I walked home with Mike and now we're having lunch with him next Tuesday.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I mean, don't get me wrong, we've been going out for six months and practically living together for four of them, so it's not as if "Oh by the way, my Dad is a faffing hen and a full-on insaniac" hasn't come up in conversation already, but there's a difference between hearing anecdotes about his faffery and actually witnessing it.

It could be worse though - one of the stories I tell a lot is about how, when you're out with him, he's constantly looking around for other people and he will just bail in the middle of talking to you and glom onto these randoms, totally ignoring you, while expecting you to just kind of hang around and wait 'til these much more interesting people leave and he deigns to speak to you again. It's super-rude and annoying as fuck and he does it all the time, to whoever he's with and regardless of who the random might be.

And in the course of a ten minute stop-and-chat that he engineered in order to force my hand about introducing him to Mike, he did it to us twice.

So, you know. At least he's going into this with an idea of what he's getting.

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froodle: (Default)
Just had one of those fucking idiot customers who is so invested in having a screeching fit at you that they completely neglect to explain what their fucking problem is. After ten minutes of whining about how unhappy she was, turns out what she thought was a problem didn't even exist.

Congrats, cuntsmear; if you'd stopped flapping your painted hole for a second, I could have resolved this and sent you off to inflict your obnoxious personality and unjustified temper tantrums on someone else.

GOD. Die in a fire already.

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froodle: (Default)
i am drinking baileys.chocolate luxe, watching adventure time and wearing a.vincent price tshirt. i am almost not hacked off at my job anymore. also, if you have boobs amd you wear a loki tshirt amd your boobs stretch out his face, he looks waym ore handsome. this is of limited use to you if you dont have boobs but you should tell any of ypur chesty.friends that would benefit frm theae.wisdoms. also sunmerhill glen is really cool there are dinos.

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